I'm NOT a Deviant

No, it can't be.........

2008-01-05T02:05:00.000-05:00

WOW, this thing is still on? Go figure!

I thought by now my little blog would be a porn site, or whatever else old Blogger pages turn in to when they are neglected.

I hope everyone is doing well. I hope to spend some time this weekend reading blogs and getting caught up. I may even post something. No promises this time though.

Have a good one.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Stupid (Hot) Blonde Brings Baba Out of Retirement

2007-08-29T21:20:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my friend Ramzi, who sent this little gem my way. Probably a bit of old news, but pretty funny. Are people really this stupid? Well, at least Miss South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton IS.

I promise to resurrect my blog soon. It's been a crazy and busy summer.

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Baba Ganoush has entered the witness protection program......

2007-07-27T10:58:00.000-05:00

TGFI everyone!

Much apologies for not writing. I have a new goal - Bi-weekly posting.

Maybe by the time it starts to get cold again, I can be up to once a week. Anyway, I've missed you all and this little hobby.

Have a great weekend!!!

Oh yeah, is anyone else pissed off they cancelled Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip, or is it just me? I can't believe that show went away, but NBC is still bringing us America's Got Talent, The Singing Bee, and 30 Rock.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my share of crappy/meaningless TV too, but come on!

Speaking of crappy TV, my vote for this year's Big Brother 8 winner - Jen. Yeah, I know big surprise. Hmmmm - this turned out to almost be an actual post.

Baba Ganoush - OUT!

Farewell Anthony

2007-06-11T11:45:00.000-05:00

I spent my Sunday like a lot of people - counting the minutes until the final Sopranos episode. And of course, I used the occasion as an excuse to bake a Dutch Apple Pie. With Ice Cream and Pie in hand, I settled down in front of my 61" HDTV at 8:55 EST ready to close another TV chapter of my life.

50-ish minutes later, I wasn't quite sure what to think. At first, I actually thought my cable had gone out - it couldn't possibly end like the!!! Then anger set in. If I wanted to choose my own adventure, I'd be a script writer. I tune in to TV to be entertained, and in most instances I want closure, and I thought I had none.

At the end of the day, this show has always been about Tony. All the other story lines are great, but the one question everyone had last night - What is going to happen to Tony? I watched the last scene again this morning, and I have one word - Brilliant.

Why was it brilliant for me? Throughout the entire last scene, I was on the edge of my seat. Each time Tony looked up when the door opened, was this going to be it? No, just Carmela. Is Tony going to get whacked in front of Carm.

Is Tony going to be indicted?

Who are those 2 guys coming in. Oh, just some guy and A.J. Wait a minute, that other guy is very shady. Who is that other guys sitting alone drinking coffee. Oh wait, the onion rings are here - things are good again.

Who are those black guys. No doubt hired to kill Tony?

Why can't Meadow park? Why is it taking her so long? What is going to happen to her? Okay, she parked. Is she going to get hit crossing the street? Oh, that SUV almost hit her.

Then the door opens and Tony looks up.

In my ending, Tony lives. He has the joy of his family, but the tension and anxiety that I felt during the final scene is exactly what Tony feels everyday of his life. So, while he goes on living - is he truly living?

I have also seen a few other theories out there. Earlier in this season Tony and Bobby Bacala are talking about being shot while they are fishing. They speculate that "you probably don't even hear it when it happens right?"

Then, last episode at the very end, Tony is holding the gun Bobby gave him in that episode and flashes back to that scene of Bobby, again saying, "you probably don't even hear it when it happens right?"

If you remember a while back, Silvio is having dinner with someone, who gets shot, and in that scene things go in slow motion and all we see is Sil getting blood splattered on him.

The theory out there, is that Tony is actually shot and killed. Every time the door opens up, we see Tony look up, and then the camera shifts to his perspective, as we see who is walking in the door.

The final time though, we are led to believe Meadow is walking in. We see Tony, with a strained look on his face. Then, as the camera shifts to his perspective, we see a black screen with silence. He has been shot and killed. He never saw it coming.

Adding to this theory is that the guy at the bar is also credited as Nikki Leotardo. The same actor played him in the first part of season 6 during a brief sit down concerning the future of Vito. Apparently, he is the nephew of Phil Leotardo's nephew.

And if you pay close attention to the show's history (I do, but not close enough to know this - I saw it somewhere else) - The trucker was the brother of the guy who was robbed by Christopher in Season 2. Remember the DVD players? The trucker had to identify the body. The boy scouts were in the train store and the black guys at the end were the ones who tried to kill Tony and only clipped him in the ear.

I have tried to confirm all this through looking at casting lists, but have not been able to verify yet.

Similar to this line of thought, another theory I saw, was that the audience has actually been whacked. I can see Tony being killed, but cannot really see this one.

I truly think things are left for us to decide what happened. We are left with a lot of things to consider, but the set up and the final scene is fantastic.

Consider the 2 Journey songs that were on the jukebox - "Don't Stop Believing" and "Anyway You Want It."

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

No Pictures, No Videos - Just Bitching

2007-05-30T23:45:00.000-05:00

I enjoy blogging. I really do. Recently, I looked inward to explain my recent sporadic posting. For the most part, I use blogging to get things off my chest. Well, I haven't really had a need to do that lately - things have been going very good.

Baba in a good mood for months on end. Yeah, hard for me to believe too, but why question a good thing. Would my good fortunes be able to survive a week in Bentonville, Arkansas? 1 day in, and we have a verdict.

Following is the time line of the last 24 hours. Enjoy, and yes, I expect some sort of pity!

1:25 EST - Baba boards a Delta Airlines flight en route to Bentonville with a short stop off in Chicago, a change to American Airlines, and then on to my final stop. Served 6 crackers, which should be enough to hold me over until Chitown, where I can get some lunch before my next flight.

1:45 CST - Delta flight lands at O'Hare, and Baba is forced to run and break a sweat getting to his connection.

2:20 CST - Baba arrives at gate to check in as plane is boarding. No time for lunch. Irritation is setting in.

2:25 CST - Baba boards American Airlines plane, which leaves 10 minutes later. Lady next to me has brought McDonald's on the plane.

2:50 CST - The flight attendants start serving from the front of the plane, meaning Baba will be 7th to last out of 190 people to receive his 60 calorie package of snack mix. Lady next to me is in no hurry to eat her food as it sits in the bag.

3:10 CST - McDonald's lady decides to start "picking" at her food. Baba nearly boils over as she takes a few bites of everything and then tosses the rest aside.

3:20 CST - Baba is presented with snack mix - which was AWESOME.

4:05 CST - Baba arrives at NW Arkansas regional airport. While waiting for bags, Baba obtains his rental car.

4:20 - 5:30 CST Baba engages in the following conversation:

Baba: Excuse me sir, I need a little help finding my bag.

Earl: Okay let me check into it for you. *Earl pushes computer buttons for 10 minutes and then disappears for another 30.

Earl: Sir, it looks like you bag was mis-picked and sent to Bismark, North Dakota.

Baba: Okay, where do we go from here?

Earl: After pushing buttons for another 15 minutes - Looks like we can have your bag to you "sometime" tomorrow afternoon.

Baba: I have a meeting very early in the morning tomorrow. I have nothing to wear. Getting my bag to me "sometime" tomorrow afternoon, is NOT acceptable.

Earl: I'm sorry sir, that is as soon as we can get it here.

Baba: So that's it. You send my bag to North Dakota, and you then send me on my way with a sorry bout your luck? I am NOT okay with that!

Earl: Let me talk with my supervisor. *15 minutes pass* It looks like we can get your bag here by 8pm. Our delivery guy comes in at 9pm. We can have your bag to your hotel by 10.

Baba: My bag will be delivered to my hotel by 10 pm tonight?

Earl: Yes.

Baba: That is much more acceptable. Thank you!

5:30 - 6:00 CST - Baba drives to hotel.

I am staying at a Hyatt Place. All rooms feature a 42 in flat screen TV. My room is phenomenal, my bag will be here by 10 pm, and we are going to Carrabba's for dinner - All is right in the world again, and Baba is in danger of not blogging.

9:00 CST - Baba returns to hotel from dinner.

10:15 CST - Baba is still sans bag.

10:20 CST - Baba calls the # provided earlier at the airport.

Automated Voice: your bag is currently at NW Arkansas Regional Airport and is scheduled to be delivered by 12 am CST.

Baba: Operator.

Automated Voice: It sounds like you would like to talk with an operator. Please choose from the following menu so we can best serve you.

Baba: Operator.

Automated Voice: Please choose.....

Baba: OPERATOR!

Operator: How may I help you?

Baba: Your company sent my bag to North Dakota. Earl told me I would have it by 10 pm. It is now 10:30 pm and I have no bag.

Operator: Looks like your bag is scheduled to be delivered to your hotel by 12 am.

Baba: I am tired. I need to iron still. I have to get up at 4 am. Earl said it would be here by 10. This is unacceptable.

Operator: I do not know why you were told that.

Baba: Earl seemed pretty confident in his claim. Can I speak with your supervisor.

*After being on hold for 10 minutes, Baba hops in his car and drives to airport. At some point, Baba is hung up on.*

11:00 CST - Baba obtains bag from rude person, who does not apologize for the travesty that has just occurred.

*While on way back to hotel, Baba call American Airlines Advantage Member number, which he is a member of.* Following is that transcript.

Baba: I would like to talk with someone about my travel earlier today.

"Customer Service Rep:" Do you have a complaint?

Baba: YES, I do.

"Customer Service Rep:" That will have to go to our Quality Assurance Dept. I can give you a Fax # or an Email.

Baba: I would like to call them.

"CSR:" I can give you a Fax # or an Email.

Baba: You mean after everything today, I cannot even talk to a live person about this?

"CSR:" I can give you a Fax # or an Email.

Baba: Can I talk to a supervisor?

11:30 CST - Baba arrives back at hotel, just as I am hung up on again.

11:30 - 12 am CST - Baba unpacks and irons clothes. Baba changes wake up call from 4:15 am to 4:45 am. Baba falls asleep.

3:30 am - Baba wakes up, paranoid he will over-sleep. Over the next hour or so, Baba is in and out of sleep.

5:00 am - After shower, Baba rocks in the fetal position in his room as he weeps.

Baba blogs again.

Baba OUT!

Jackass - The Weekend

2007-05-07T15:00:00.000-05:00

Another weekend, come and gone. I do feel slightly better, and have since Friday night. Great huh? Not really! I feel just bad enough to be a little pissed off, but also just good enough to have expectations of being an active parent instead of lounging around. I have tried to fake it all weekend, but no go.

Since I was looking better, we made plans Saturday to get my daughter's 1 year pictures taken. We are about 3 months late due to continued bruising as she has been trying to get a handle on walking.

The picture session at Sears Portrait studios was nothing short of a fiasco! "Okay, have your 1 yo stand on this X and your 2 yo stand behind her......" Yeah, all of that stand here, sit on this, etc went over like a lead balloon.

It rained here most of the afternoon Saturday, and Lil' 'Dude did not take his standard afternoon nap, so we just hung out and played in the house.

I usually stay up late on Saturdays. This weekend, I was watching one of the NBA playoff games, and decided to be a nice guy, cause that's how I roll, and clean up the entire downstairs (putting things away, dishes, cleaning counters, etc.....) while everyone slept. Truthfully, if you knew me, you'd know that I actually don't roll like this, so I guess that made it all the better of a surprise.

Sunday was the big Toys R Us trip to buy a water table, sand box, and a riding toy. Pretty standard trip. Lil' Dude, or course, wanted everything in the store, but we made it out sans any random toys. I even picked up a little sumthin sumthin for me, I mean the kids.....you guys remember this thing?

And now to the highlight of the weekend. First a little back story. I seem to have developed some sort of allergies in my old age. To combat this, my doc has put me on Zyrtec, which pretty much dries my sinuses out. So much in fact, that I think this is why I have gotten so many sinus infections.

Awhile back I was watching Oprah (yeah, yeah, I know) and she had on Dr. Oz, who was talking about homeopathic remedies for sinus problems. One of the things he highlighted was a Neti Pot, otherwise know as a Nose Bidet, which basically "cleanses" your nasal sinuses.

Then about two weeks after that, we had house guests for the weekend, who had recently used Ear Candles, which are supposed to clear out your ear canals.

So, I made a trip to my local Hippie Store and obtained a Nose Bidet and Ear Candles. I decided Sunday was the day to clear out my melon. When the kids went down for their nap, I had my wife help me with the candles.

Now the directions for using the candles are pretty clear. They also make the process sound simple and easy. My wife wanted to conduct the procedure on our back deck, but I vetoed that, choosing to stay inside (did not want the neighbors seeing me with flaming rolled up wax paper hanging out of my ears.

So, I sit on the couch and my wife lights up the candle, which was about 8 inches long. You are supposed to trim the ashes as the candle burns and stop take them out when the flame get 4 inches from your face.

Well, a mere 2 minutes into this ordeal the flame on the candle was about 6 inches high. The first time my wife went to trim the ashes one missed the paper plate I had selected to catch them, and flew on the couch. She hands me the plate so that she can extinguish the ash on the couch and also get the ashes out that have now reached the carpet.

At that point my face is getting hot and things are sort of chaotic, so I blow out the candle. The carpet is still smoldering a bit, so I put the candle on the plate, set the plate on the arm of the couch and go to get a wet towel to help her out.

Upon getting the carpet under control, one of the kids wakes up. My wife, irritated at what has transpired in the last few minutes, goes upstairs to get Lil' Dude. Rightfully, she is slightly upset that there is now a quarter-sized burn mark in the carpet.

I stand there, assessing what has just gone down, and wonder why there is still sooo much smoke. Oh, it's just the candle still smoldering - On the paper plate - ON THE COUCH! I did what any sane husband would do - I covered the baseball sized burn mark on the arm of the couch with a towel, until I could determine her anger level with the smaller, less visible burn on the floor.

Well, she comes down, and is still very upset. Realizing I wouldn't be able to hide the couch, I told her about it. The reaction was pretty tame, but the look of disgust and disappointment said it all. I place the towel back over the burn, and just put my head down in shame.

Lil' Dude walks over, pulls back the towel, and says "Oh No, Fireman come here?"

Needless to say, we didn't finish my Ear Candling. I may try my nose bidet this afternoon. If I don't blog for awhile, I may be dead because either my wife killed me, or I have drown while clearing out my nasal passages.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Mint Juleps, Big Hats, and Poor Dental Plans

2007-05-04T01:30:00.000-05:00

So here we are again - the weekend is finally here! Still trying to decide what to do this weekend. I am a little under the weather (something I picked up from these unsanitary heathens I live with). Today's food intake consisted of 4 Pop Tarts, a Carmel Ice Cream Drumstick, and 4 cookies. Yeah, that oughta just about get me all the nutrients I need!

So back to the weekend plans. I could take the hour drive down to Louisville, KY. Apparently, they're having a little event at Churchill Downs call The Kentucky Derby. I have been wanting to try a Mint Julep. Whatever happened to Barbaro anyway? Although, I'm sure I'd clean up down there, I'll probably pass on this little event - being in Kentucky 10 times in the last month like I have, is just WAY too much Kentucky time.

Spiderman 3 also starts this weekend - now we're talking. One small problem, well 3 actually. Even before we had 2 bundles of joy enter our life, my wife didn't like going to see movies - I guess I missed the fine print on that one. I, on the other hand, am the type to always want to go see movies in the theaters as they come out.

We are still pretty new to this area, so I haven't met any other guys that I know well enough to go see a movie with. And for a man to go to the movies with another man, you have to know each other pretty well. I have been known to go to a movie now and then by myself. In fact, if memory serves me correctly, I saw the very first Spiderman by myself while I was at a training in St. Louis years ago. Probably not the best option for this weekend - it'll be a little less sad if I go see this by myself during the week after the crowds die down a bit.

Lil' Dude has made his standing request to go to Chucky Cheese, which has quickly become his favorite past time. I have collected about 3,000 tickets, working toward 10,000 to get the motorized car he always asks for. I have already spent about $60 in 3 trips there for a car that probably costs about $50. If I am feeling better this might be a good Sat. or Sun. morning activity.

One of the greats things about living where we live, is that we are only about 5 minutes from King's Island amusement park. Last year, we bought a season pass, and the nice thing about that is we can go, and not feel the need to stay all day. I can usually take about 3 hours before people start pissing me off. I think it's supposed to be nice this weekend, so a little trip to King's Island might be in order.

If I'm not feeling better, it will officially be movie weekend for me. I'll hunker down in the bedroom, make sure I have ample junk food (which is the only thing that doesn't make me sick), and get caught up on some movies I've bought over the last few months.

I have The Illusionist, Deja Vu, The Night Listener, The Break-Up, and An American Haunting all wanting a little quality time with yours truly.

All this weekend talk - it'll be tough to do any work on Friday. Well, I'm sick anyway, maybe I'll get a head start on movie weekend. Have a good one!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Poison On My Television

2007-04-30T09:45:00.000-05:00

With my first "actual" post in quite awhile, I'll most likely get myself in trouble. Oh, well. If there was one thing that I learned in college, well at least something that I actually use today - Your dirty laundry is best aired in a public forum. That little tidbit, courtesy of Jerry Springer. I still wonder who Shanequa Baby Daddy is though?

Way back in the day - Before Baba Ganoush started working for The Man, I worked in social services. I didn't have 2 nickels to rub together, and lived on Ramen Noodles, but I was doing good work. Anyway, while working with kids for several years, my personal mission statement was simple - Every moment is a teaching moment. With that in mind, you will surely understand my concern with the recent transgressions at Mi Casa.

I have addressed this issue with my wife several times, and things seem to be getting worse. She has left me with no other choice than to call her out here and subject her to public ridicule.

We try not to let our kids watch too much TV, but what I continually catch her letting my future All-American football player watch can only be described as a blatant sign of defiance.

This morning was the straw that broke Baba's back. Lil' Dude was watching some "educational" show about garbage me. What they do, how they do it, etc..... In short, the program was glorifying a garbage man's job. Now I know we need future garbage men, just like we need future CEOs. I'd just like to shoot a little higher for our kids than the next great "garbage person" - I guess I should be politically correct here, because if my wife has it her way, our little girl will be in waste management as well.

This all started long ago. There were 2 things I put my foot down on when this whole kid thing started - The Wiggles and Teletubbies.

The more evil and developmentally detrimental of the two is a debate that has raged in my circle for decades, well just a few years, but you get the point. They are both unacceptable, but creepy middle aged men always trump strange creatures with TVs on their stomachs talking in some nonsensical language.

True, I thought it was cute the first time he asked, "I watch Wiggle?" It was just that though, cute. It was in no way a request that was going to be met by his Dad.

What do I continue to find recorded on our DVR - The Wiggles! She obviously won't listen to reason, and I can't divorce her for this. So I have resorted to this. Well, this, and erasing them before they teach anyone in my household that creepy, strange, middle-aged men are friendly and fun.

So, let the public ridicule begin!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Long Time, No Blog............

2007-04-08T10:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter everyone. Can't believe it has been so long since I posted. Just when I thought I was out, JLee pulled me back in - you know I have a soft spot for quizzes.

So, what kind of flirt am I:

You Are a Super Flirt

You love to flirt, so much so that it gets you in trouble.
In almost any situation, you find yourself flirting - even when it's inappropriate.
You tend to embrace all flirting styles too.. from coy to sexy to playful to serious.
And if someone flirts back, you'll crank it up even more!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

Might explain that little sexual harassment suit a few years back - just kidding.

So, what did you all do to celebrate Easter? It all started for me yesterday - free egg hunt at the local church. I was a little worried I might actually spontaneously combust upon entering, but I made it in okay.

I think I might have been better off had I been on fire. It would have made the experience a little more bearable. 100 screaming kids + 200 parents = a stressed out Baba Ganoush.

Then this morning we hid eggs around the house. So, here it is noon, the little guy has had a pound of chocolate, and I have had enough of Easter. Why is this a holiday anyway? Oh yeah, I remember. I really dislike being on fire.

Have a good one.

Baba Ganoush.

Those Damn High Notes

2007-03-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Hump Day Everyone! Most people hate Wednesdays, but I love them. About the time of day I usually say to myself, "today sucks," I remember that Wednesdays are Lost nights.

This season has been especially good. And I appreciate ABC keeping the show on throughout the season without repeats. That helps to keep my Wednesdays the best day of the week. No idea what I'll do when the season is over - we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Something happened to me last week. I lost my voice - no, it was not on a deserted island. I have been hoarse before, but I have never lost my voice completely like I did last week.

I had a 2 hour drive from Cincinnati to Louisville and then back again in one day. If you have never had the pleasure of making this drive, let me tell you - it is awful. There is literally nothing for 2 hours. On this particular trip, I got reacquainted with my Pop Mix CD. Prince and I had several jam sessions with Little Red Corvette, where I showed him how to hit the high notes.

Well, my voice is almost back to normal today. Although I may be in for a relapse. While taking the kids to daycare today, what popped on my XM dial - 69 Boyz with Tootsee Roll. They are both still young enough for me to make an ass of myself in front of them without embarrassing them.

To the Left, to the left. To the Right, to the right. To the Front, to the front. To the Back, to the back. Now Dip Baby! Come on now dip!

I am off to see if The World's Largest Retailer is displaying my products like they are supposed to. For my voices sake, I plan on listening to talk radio and XM Comedy all day.

And a video to boot! Have a great rest of the week!

No sure what country these crazy things are from, but they'd probably cause me some problems too!

Baba Ganoush Out!

March Madness - Try Coaching Madness

2007-03-16T01:00:00.000-05:00

Since my bracket is already practically worthless, I figured I'd take this time to do a little blogging. In the spirit of March Madness, I thought I'd share a little story with you.

Shortly after graduating from IU, I took a volunteer position coaching Bloomington Indiana's Special Olympic basketball team. I had some experience working with this population, and with my athletic background, I was an easy choice as a Co-Head Coach.

This particular team had won the state championship the previous 2 years. Needless to say, there was some degree of pressure and expectation that came with this position.

Coaching was another story altogether. While trying to teach a proper bounce pass, I also had to deal with the guy, who's first words to me were, "I'm Jordan, just get me the ball. I'm Jordan." Getting this guy to not shoot every time he touched the ball was a full time job in and of itself.

While trying to teach the fundamentals of a 1-2-2 Zone Full Court Press Defense, I had to keep the guy focused, who had no idea what deodorant and/or a shower was.

During games, making sure everyone played was always a challenge. Especially when our Jr. Bobby Knight would throw a chair onto the court. Something he'd do at lease 3 times a game.

You think the AAU parents are bad? You think the soccer mom is tough to deal with. You haven't seen anything until you've dealt with one of these psycho parents.

Yeah, I know, a lot of pressure. Good thing we had our secret weapons. We had 3 guys on our team that were just really stupid. Really stupid. Stupid to the point where the state of Indiana considered them to have an actual disability. Great for me though. I'd stagger their minutes so that I had at least 2 of them on the floor at all times.

I remember our very first game. There was this guy on the other team with one normal arm, and then one chicken wing arm that he couldn't use at all. Funny thing was, he had a great shot. This guy was going nuts on us. At halftime, we were down 16 points and this guy had most of their points.

During my halftime pep talk, I got a little fired up. In front of the whole team, I challenged our best ringer to guard Chicken Wing the rest of the game. "Everywhere he goes, I want you right there with him. If he goes to the bathroom, you're going with him. If he goes to McDonalds, I want you sitting right next to him." My ringer ate up the attention and my team loved it.

Chicken Wing ended up not scoring again, and we won the game. To this day, I can very clearly remember how pitiful and dejected he looked every time he tried to shoot a one-handed J with my ringer hanging all over him. I got a few punches on my express ticket to hell for that one.

Have a great weekend everyone, and enjoy the games!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Have you met my bumper yet?

2007-03-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

Police Chases
Murders
Stabbings
Robberies
Crystal Meth Labs

Will my Xbox blow up this weekend?

All reported on within the first 10 minutes of my local 11 o'clock news. Home Sweet Home. Seriously, can someone tell me some happy shit!?!

Finally, some happy news - Georgia truck driver wins $116 Million in lottery. Oh yeah, it's all good now!

Despite the fact that I apparently need to pack heat whenever I leave the house, I generally give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to be friendly to strangers and greet people with a smile. But not always. Sometimes, you need to be overly cautious - or do you? Lemme tell you about a time I wasn't so friendly.

I was on my way home from work on a Friday. I can't remember why, but I was in a great mood. I was driving on a 4 lane road with a grass median. I was part of a pack of cars that included a trucker and a few other cars. I was leading the way with the trucker right behind me.

I had just taken off from a stop light, and I noticed 2 young men, who I can only describe as gang bangers, attempting to jay walk about 50 yards in front of me. I slowed down to make sure they could cross, but it was clear they were running out of time. One of the bangers realized this, and stopped on the grass median.

The other gentleman, on the other hand was a little more bold. He decides he is going to walk in front of oncoming traffic (Your's Truly), come to a complete stop, and mock as if he had a gun and was pointing it at my car telling me to stop.

Like I said, I was in a great mood. But having a cap popped in my ass was not what the big guy was looking for.

So, I swurve to the right in an attempt to go get by him on the shoulder. He is getting closer.

As I swurve, he reacted to where I was and jumped into the shoulder. I react to that and swurve left, but he had already reacted and jumped back into the road. 5 feet away now.

At this point, still worried about getting shot, I make my final reaction and head back to the shoulder - this time hitting the gas. Captain Deathwish, reacts back to the shoulder as well, as he flips over my hood stuntman style.

I pull over, now pissed, because I have just hit a person with my SUV. His friend is screaming, as his buddy lays in the road, unable to get up. The trucker stops, and informs us he's called the police.

Jail time flashes before my eyes. Losing my license flashed before my eyes. Me footing the bill for this ass clown to not get a job for the next 5 years flashes before my eyes.

His buddy puts a cell phone in my face and says - "his mom is on the phone, and wants to talk to the person that hit her son." I graciously decline talking to her until the cops get there. She ends up getting there just after the cops.

In the end, the day was saved by the trucker, who saw everything. He stayed to tell the cops the whole story, and that I had no choice because of the guys actions. The two men (who ended up being 16) got jay walking tickets, and I was sent on my way.

Thinking back, I probably didn't need to step on the gas, but hey, as the 11 o'clock news has taught me, you can never be too careful out there.

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

I'm Losing My Mind

2007-02-28T11:00:00.000-05:00

Good Ole Baba Ganoush is a little confused. There's something that I just don't understand, and quite frankly is starting to piss me off!

I'm doing a bit of a hotel tour while traveling for work this week, which gives me plenty of time to ponder life's little mysteries.

Take a look at the following job descriptions, and tell me which one doesn't fit.

Truck Driver - ISO anyone willing drive for hours on end. Must be willing to sleep where you work. Willingness to not sleep for days desired. A general "scary" appearance and/or disposition a bonus. Preferential treatment will be given to anyone who possesses at least 2 of the following characteristics - over 300 lbs., a chain smoker, ownership of a trailer park home, a beard, darked out glasses, a criminal record, or multiple tattoos.

River Boat Casino Regular - Do you wonder what you are going to do with your Social Security check each month? If so, we have the job for you. Looking for individuals who think they have disposable income, but really don't. You will receive special consideration if you are Asian and can smoke at least 3 cigarettes a minute. If you will commit to playing with your rent and utility money every month, you'll be hired immediately.

Traveling Carny - When is the last time you remember taking a shower? In fact, has the combination of soap and water not willing touched your person in years? If so, we have the position for you! Looking for individuals to travel across the country entertaining people with dangerous rides, rigged games, and fried food. If you have fewer than 10 teeth call today!

Customer Service Representative - Are you fresh off the boat? Do you speak broken English, if any at all? Are you at risk of losing your H1-B Visa? If you answered YES to any of these questions, we need you to help English speaking people with problems and questions via phone conversations. Sound like an unbelievable opportunity, don't worry, we thought so too, but it actually exists. Call today - we have mute people waiting to take your call.

Seriously, if I have to talk with 1 more "customer service" person, who I cannot understand, I am going to lose my mind.

If you see me on the news, you now know why!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Oops, She Did It Again

2007-02-19T20:00:00.000-05:00

Happy President's Day everyone! I hope you all are enjoying your day! I'm glad to have the day off and all, but I really have nothing to do. The contractors are here finishing their work, which means I can't really leave.

Normally, I'd enter a video game induced coma-like state and not leave the couch, but honestly, I feel a tad guilty sitting on my ass in front of them, while they slave away.

I can't even do what people do when they're home alone - strangers in the house and all. That is what people do when they're home alone, right? I mean doesn't everyone dance around the living room Tom Cruise style? Remember, I am NOT a Deviant!

Knowing her Daddy had an exciting day planned my daughter, who'll be 1 later this week, decided it was time to raise her temp to 101 degrees, and thus, be sent home from daycare.

*****Disclaimers for non-parents*****
1 - My wife had to work today.
2 - I was not about to keep both kids out of trouble all day with a house full of contractors by myself.
3 - Had I decided to have the kids stay home, we still would have paid for the day (don't get me started on that though!!!).

So, don't judge me biatches!

Anywho, I was running an errand for the contractors earlier. Yes, you heard that correctly. I, the person who is already being financially raped by these fine gentlemen, was running an errand for them.

I was approaching the sign to your right. I was in the left lane, while some old guy was in the right. He either A) did not see the sign, B) had no idea what the sign meant, or C) did not give 2 shits about the sign. For those of you that subscribe to B, it means that the right lane ends - please carefully merge to the left lane.

As we approached the "merge" point, it was clear this guy bought into the I'll just stay in my lane and things will work themselves out when it goes away philosophy. This usually works out okay, except when there are other cars next to you in the correct lane.

At this point, he had 2 choices:
1 - Put your blinker on, so someone will let you in.
2 - Speed up or slow down to either get in front of someone or behind them (please note - use of a blinker is still recommended for option #2).

This moron decides he's going to just continue in his present lane, at his current speed, and things should work out.

So, there's me - in the correct lane, and a decision to make. Being an excellent driver, I have already identified this guy as a risk. I know he isn't respecting the sign, nor does he plan to merge safely.

Now, I could be a nice guy and slow down so he can just meander into the correct lane when he has no other choice. While I am NOT a Deviant, I never said I was a nice guy. Especially to morons who get behind the wheel. When Mr. Oblivious realizes his lane is about to end I have already forced him into option #2 - he has to get behind me (most likely sans blinker, as he is stupid).

We are on the highway for a short time, and as I take my exit, Captain Dumbass gives me the finger. Pardon me for not paying proper respect to your stupidity! Ass.

It made me really reflect on one of life's most important Yin Yangs - the sharing of knowledge. We all have something we can learn from each other. We also have learning's we can teach to others.

In that spirit, I will share with you what I learned this weekend:

1) No matter how inviting a proposition, I will not be able to Flip That House!

2) TLC also taught me What Not to Wear.

3) Starting this Thursday - Baby Princess, needs to understand she will not be having a My Super Sweet 16! Seriously, what 16 year old needs a party costing over 6 figures, a new Porsche, and piles of other gifts? Well, I can tell you who doesn't - Baby Princess, that's who!!!

Now for my Yang, otherwise known as enlightening the stupid.

1) If just one person learns something about merging from my rant, I'll be a happy man.

2) If you're a female, and your friends tell you to shave your head, they are not your friends. While there are several good reasons for a woman not to have hair on her head, I'm confident Britney Spears does NOT meet any of that criteria. I've narrowed her most recent outrageous action down to a few different stimuli. Either A) she decided why have hair on my head, when I have none on my cooter, B) she is stupid, C) Anna Nicole's spirit has taken over her body, or D) both A and B.

This is NOT a good look!

I certainly hope she lets her hair grow back before she poses for Playboy, which is undoubtedly the next stop for Trainwreck Britney.

Have a great week everyone.

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

You Had Me at Hogan

2007-02-13T11:00:00.000-05:00

So, we've now entered the time of the year where I engage in my favorite past time. Here are the steps:

1) Attempt to find something to watch on the weekends.

2) Find nothing.

3) Try to justify spending over $200 per month on cable by saying, I would watch Aliens 3, Big Momma's House 2, or Dane Cook if I really wanted to.

4) Repeat steps 2 and 3 for hours on end.

Sunday was quite the day for me. It was my day to get up at the butt crack of dawn with the kids. 6 am comes pretty fast when you stay up until 1 am the night before enjoying the late night programming of Showtime and Cinemax.

So, after being up for just 3 hours, I was given the opportunity to go lay down. I proceeded to nap until 1 pm. Further proof that I'm actually 70 years old.

Upon arising from my geriatric slumber, I began, what I can only refer to as - a mini-love affair with VH1.

I started watching with just about 10 minutes left of The Surreal Life - Fame Games. Now 10 minutes is about all I can take of this show. Had there been 15 minutes left, I surely would have thrown in the towel, and went on to something else. But, 10 minutes was just enough to hold my attention, and transition me to Hogan Knows Best.

As a former Hulkamaniac, I have purposely NOT watched this show. I have seen bits and pieces here and there, but I have never watched a whole show. After putting myself through the shame of Flava Flav, I was not about to tarnish the 24 inch pythons.

I'm not sure if it was the promise of seeing some of the other old time WWF stars, or my desire not to admit defeat at the hands of Time Warner Cable, but I was full-blown glued to the TV for an hour. I must say, I was not embarrassed for The Hulkster at all. He seemed like a very laid back and easy going guy. His show was not at all over the top, and it actually made me see him in a whole new light.

I particularly admired the relationship he has with his son. I can't speak much of his relationship with his daughter (she was not in this episode that much), but he seems to genuinely be "friends" with his son, while still maintaining a high level of respect and authority with him.

I decided to take a VH1 break when they dropped The White Rapper Show on my ass. Come on, seriously? I did, however, decide to DVR the show when I noticed one of the best white rappers of all time, MC Serch, was one of the hosts. I knew I had to make up some time, when I saw I Love New York was on after this show, as I will never, and I mean never watch that show.

I was astray for about 2 hours, but VH1 completed me with Best Week Ever. I didn't realize how good laughing at the more fortunate could be.

Now, to the important stuff. I currently have 2 problems that I am dealing with.

First off, Lil' Dude seems to be developing a stuttering problem. It's only when he uses "I" to start a sentence, but I have counted, at times, at least 8 of them. It's always when he's excited, like - "I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I help Daddy with snow blower."

So, question for those of you out there with kids - Is this something that you've experienced, and if so, will it pass? Or, is this one of those things that people will talk about years from now, when they say, "just look how much he has overcome!"

Second problem - my mail carrier. With all the contractors here working on the house, our driveway has been pretty full. A few times, people have parked in front of the mailbox. One day last week, there was a car in front of the mailbox and it was pretty cold here. I kept watching, so I could meet her out there, so she wouldn't have to get out. When I saw her, I rushed out with no coat on. She had pulled past the car by our box to our neighbor's box. I asked her if she had anything for us, and she said yes. While she was handing it to me, I said to her that I wanted to meet you, so you didn't have to get out. She looked at me like, whatever, I wasn't going to get out anyway ass.

Well, yesterday I had to part my car in front of the mailbox. I was not able to watch for her, as I actually had to work. So, I was curious later in the day, if she had left the mail. That would be a negative. I don't know why, but this has my panties all in a bunch. Is it really that much to ask for Newman to get out of her little truck occasionally to deliver the mail? Is it?

I tried to look online to see if I was violating some mailman's code by parking in front of the box, but A) I couldn't find anything and B) I decided that I didn't care either way - I want my mail, even if it means she has to walk her lazy ass all the way up to my front door and hand it to me! I understand it may not be in your job description lady, but whatever happened to going to extra mile (in this case 5 feet) for the customer?

God only knows what would happen to this poor lady if I applied W.W.J.D?

So, there you have it. Gettin' jiggy wit VH1 one day, being stressed out by stuttering children and little miss, I have to be home by noon, mail carrier lady the next.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Intro

2007-02-07T15:30:00.000-05:00

In an effort to balance my Qi, which is currently all out of alignment, I present to you:

THE GOOD, THE BAD, and THE UGLY

Here's my plan - To blog on a quasi-frequent basis about something that makes me happy (The Good), something that makes not-happy (The Bad), and something that makes me go hmmm (The Ugly).

Hopefully, this will be a little longer lived than my career as a movie critic. So, off we go.....

The Good

It seems like it's been forever since I asked you all for help on my basement project. Well, it pleases me to say that I decided on a floor, picked out colors, and work has begun. 2 days in, and here's what we look like.

That's right, 1 little pipe busts in the wall - several insurance checks later, and the basement has been gutted. Thanks again for the input! I'm excited that this project is finally underway, and I think the finished product is going to be great.

I'll get some pictures up when its all said and done, but until then it's classified.

The Bad

I'm at a little bit of a loss in regards to our childcare. My wife and I decided long ago that one of us staying home was not an option. Well, 2 kids later and we're basically financing a $300,000 home with what we pay for daycare.

We recently got a brochure from Au Pair in America. It looks like an Au Pair would run us around $282 a week. $297, if we wanted one with a 2 year degree.

I don't really think we would ever have someone from a third world country, who speaks quasi-English, live with us, but the savings would be nice. We have seriously considered a live-in nanny, but I would hate to not have Lil' Dude and the other one (no second child syndrome here) lose their social outlet of daycare.

Our little guy loves going to daycare though. I say that, even though this morning, his teacher had to pry him off me kicking and screaming, but he really does like it there. He gets to go and play with friends everyday, and they teach him a little sumthin' sumthin' daily. For example, this week is Dentist Week, where he is learning all about going to the Dentist. Hopefully, he's learning how not to have root canals and crowns.

It was tough when we left Wisconsin and moved here. All of our daycare teachers have been great. I've never once questioned the degree for which they look after our children. I can see their excitement too when they go to see their teachers. I just felt so bad for him. On his last day, he was too young (18 months) to understand that he would never see any of these people again. People, who had looked after him since he was 3 months.

He smiled at them his last day and waved goodbye (one of the many things they watched him learn) like he always did. Who knows if he would even remember them today. And maybe I was just sad for me - at that early of an age, I had already learned that I wouldn't be able to protect him all the time. Because, even if he didn't know it at the time or would remember it months from then, he had just experienced loss. The fact that he didn't know at the time and probably wouldn't remember it only made the situation that more perplexing for me.

The Ugly

First things first - Lisa Marie Nowak. It's scary that a woman, who's obviously off her rocker, managed to become a NASA astronaut. I would make the assumption that if you're crazy enough to wear a diaper in the car so you can make it from Houston to Orlando quicker, in order to maim and/or kill another person, you have probably been whacked out for some time. Just what sort of screening process are we putting astronauts through that this chick made the cut.

Secondly, if you missed last night's American Idol, you spent your time a lot more wisely than I. But, if you did happen to see it, can you please help me understand what in the hell was wrong with Jasmine Holland.

Jasmine weighed every bit of 300 Bills, and was very quiet and shy (at first). She comes strolling in wearing what had to be a homemade white tank top with a pair of red spandex pants cut off just below the knees. Not really a good look to begin with, but when you factor in the enormous camel toe she was rocking, it was just disturbing. Simon and Randy started laughing at her the second she walked in the door. They tried to compose themselves, but they just couldn't stop laughing. I honestly felt sorry for he at first, because she seemed a little slow.

I should have known to look away when her family was standing outside with Ryan holding a "Jasmines are next American Idol" sign.

Jasmine proceeds to sing very poorly causing Randy to choke on his water. Yada Yada Yada, Jasmine is crying. She rejoins her family, who crafted the masterpiece "Jasmines are next American Idol" sign, and proceed to bash the judges. In true "are next American Idol" fashion, who of the family members says, "Simon needs to go back to British." Yes, that's right. Not back to Britain, but "back to British."

Now, I don't claim to be a grammar expert (well, at least not all the time). If I am going to hold a sign on national TV, though, I'm going to go ahead and make sure the spelling and grammar "our" correct m'kay. I guess coming from people, who think it's okay to rock a massive camel toe for millions of people, the little grammar issue was not a big deal.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Let's Get Ready to Rumble

2007-02-04T18:11:00.000-05:00

I can't really say I'm a Colts fan, but I did live in Indiana for 11 years. As I've said before, I think it's great we're having an all Midwest Super Bowl.

It should be a great game, and since I have to root for someone, I'm picking the Colts. I honestly think the Colts will win. I think the Colts O and the Bears D will be a wash. In the end, the Colts have a much better Defense than the Bears Offense, which should prove to be the difference.

Now, let's get to the good stuff! I'm going to rate my top 5 Super Bowl commercials, and a few other Top 5s. I'm going to try to do this in real time, but might get a little side tracked with pizza deliveries, refreshing beers, and screaming kids.

Here we go:

My Top 5 SB Commercials

1 - I really liked this Chevy commercial. The best part was formula 1 race car driver Johnny O'Connell rapping along to a song as his car is lowered off a truck.

Chevrolet: Everybody Loves a Chevy

2 - Two guys kissing over a Snickers, classic!

Snicker: Kiss

3 - Budweiser, as always, put out a lot of SB commercials. Most of them were just okay, but I thought this one was really funny.

Bud Light: Rock Paper Scissors Beer

4 - The CareerBuilder.Com commercials were great. This one was the best, but they were all good. The guy in that "promotion pit" that was covered in Post-Its was comedy!

CareerBuilder: Office Jungle Fight

5 - Rollin' VIP baby!

Worst Super Bowl Commercials

1 - The PepsiCo commercials have been terrible. I've counted 2 separate Sierra Mist commercials and 2 separate Doritos commercials. I understand the Doritos commercials were made by people who won contests, but bad nontheless.

And seriously - Sierra Mist? Not Pepsi, not Diet Pepsi, and not even Mountain Dew? Come on now!

4 separate PepsiCo commercials, at how many millions of dollars? It's nice to see my former company utilizing their dollars so wisely. Which is actually why they're my former company.

This Doritos commercial was terrible. First off, you would never see a Family Size product on the same endcap display with regular XL Doritos. Secondly, this display is missing the #1 selling Doritos sku - XL Nacho. Where is the point of sale? Why is the dip merchandised on flex shelving and not a dip shelf? Why is Queso dip not represented on the endcap? Who in the hell picked out the sku mix?

This commercial was not really the worst I saw. However, the people at Frito Lay should be embarrassed by the lack of attention to detail.

2 - GoDaddy.Com enough already. I like hot women and boobs as much as the next guy, but I'm getting really sick of their commercials.

3 - All the crappy CBS commercials for the shows on their network.

What do/did you think?

My Top 5 Random Thoughts

1 - Why in the world do the Bears have a long snapper as one of their captains? Hmm. They just won the coin toss, so maybe he was good luck. Shows what I know.

2 - I am not a huge Prince. I have always liked his music, and have bought the occasional CD. I must say, though, that the halftime show was phenomenal. Prince seems like he is great live. Prince singing Purple Rain, in the rain - does it get any better than that?

3 - The Bear's uniforms look black. I'm sure it's the rain, but they look pretty good. They should dump their alternate orange, and get some black ones.

4 - Too much pizza and beer. I never got to the double chocolate, chocolate cake.

5 - I wonder if the new season of Survivor will be any good?

My Top 5 Game Observations

1 - I was lead to believe the Colts were not going to kick to Devin Hester. They need to NOT kick to him anymore. Kick the ball out of bounds if you have to!

2 - Turnovers, turnovers, turnovers. The Bears are great at creating takeaways, but the rain is really affecting the players' ability to hold onto the ball.

3 - Thru 3 quarters, I look like a genius. Colts O and Bears D are pretty much a wash (actually a slight edge to the Colts O, which is just gravy). The Colts D is marking the Bears O look silly. I haven't been a big fan of the anti-Rex Grossman talk that's gone on much of the year. Rex isn't doing anything to silence his critics today though.

4 - Tony Dungy going for it on 4th down with under 2 minutes was a great decision. Don't give the Bears an opportunity to block the kick, and make Grossman drive 80 yards. Just brilliant!

5 - I should have put some sweet action on the game. Then again, if I had, I'm sure things would have been a little different. Wonder what the over/under was?

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Rollin' VIP with my new Grillz

2007-01-30T11:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I made it back from Arkansas. After about 8 hours of daily meetings, I was literally a vegetable.

Monday morning was the dreaded root canal. While I am, as always, NOT a Deviant, I am still a guy. When faced with a tough decision, and given these factors, I will always choose pretty female over guy. This has always been part of my core value system. It was, by all means, a factor when I chose the family dentist. There were other factors - like it being a husband and wife dentistry, who had pictures of their kids in their phone book ad. So, they'll be sensitive to our kids when they go for the first time.

Well, this backfired on me on Monday. When I arrived for my root canal, I was informed that Doctor Chris, and not Doctor Kristina, would be conducting the procedure. As I laid there letting the Novocaine do what it does, I wondered what would be worse - me being a big baby in front of the cute female dentist or in front of the male dentist.

I came to the conclusion, it would be in front of the male dentist. While the female dentist might have seen my vulnerability as cute, a male doctor would no doubt just think I was a bitch. So, I decided to put on my big boy face, and suck it up.

After all the hype, it was really not all that bad. I only felt the pain a few times, and I actually fell asleep a few times during the procedure, which I'm sure Doc. Chris appreciated. That's okay, because I had his giant man hands in my mouth for an hour to help keep it open.

When I was actually awake, I was wondering if this was what Fellatio was like. If so, I can understand some of the trepidation that comes with said act. ***Clarification*** I understand the discomfort. That's not a green light to forgo the deed all together (you know who you are). Let's just say I have a little more respect for those who, suck it up (no pun intended), and git r' dun.

Anywho, where was I? Oh yeah, the pain that I'm in right now is far worse than anything I had imagined with the actual root canal. I feel like someone punched me in the jaw, and then hit me with a brick.

Here's a question for the masses - what do I chose for my crown. I can go with Porcelain, Gold, or Titanium. I go back in on Monday to have the actual crown put on, and I have no idea what to go with. I'll do some research, but I'm curious if anyone else has experience with these.

Changing directions (drastically), I, like most, am getting ready for the Big Game this weekend. I'm pleased that we are having an All Midwest Super Bowl. Cause that's how we roll here in the Midwest! Our TV recently went out, so I came back last week to our new and improved TV.

Not only am I looking forward to a great game this weekend, but I am also looking forward the the Super Bowl Commercials. My wife sent me this clip this morning. It's pretty funny. I have a little bit (and I mean a little bit) of respect for K-Fed now - It's good that he can laugh at himself.

Kevin Federline - Rollin' VIP

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Are you as excited as I am? Most likely, yes.

2007-01-22T23:38:00.000-05:00

Baba Ganoush Here - posting remotely from Bentonville, Arkansas. I'll be here all week folks. I'm here for 3 days of meetings. It should be riveting!

The weekend was awesome. Saturday, we got to hang out with friends where my wife and I went to college. Sunday, we were hit with 4 inches of snow, so I finally got to use my snow blower and Lil' Dude and I played for awhile outside.

A pretty lazy post today, but a small look into the mind of Baba Ganoush. Well, not really, but after this post you'll have an idea of some of the music I'm in to.

Sorry, in advance, for this week's post, but technically, I supposed to be working.

This song is in my Top 10 of all time. I must warn you that the audio on the song is VERY loud, so adjust your volume down. Enjoy!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

An Emotional Roller Coaster

2007-01-19T12:00:00.000-05:00

WOW, what a week it has been. My world has been turned upside down several times this week, only to rebound with some great news. Wanna here about it? Okay, if you insist!

Saturday and Sunday were filled with NFL playoff bliss. Since my favorite team, The Pittsburgh Steelers, were not in the playoffs, I had to hitch my waggon to another team. I chose the San Diego Chargers. Unfortunately, they lasted just one game. Their loss was the first hill of my roller coaster ride (albeit a small hill).

I then entered utopia Sunday and Monday nights with the help of the Fox Network. My love affair with 24 and American Idol has been well documented.

Tuesday, I awoke to a very pleasant surprise - It finally snowed! Well, only a little bit, but snow nonetheless!

Not enough to built that snowman I promised Lil' Dude, but we're getting there. Rumor has it, more this weekend.

Wednesday was a great day because I finally got time to post a blog, and interact with all you fine people. All kidding aside, you, yeah you, should feel special. While I devote the majority of my time to my family and work, blogging has taken a lot of time from my 3rd favorite past time. An activity that's been with me circa 27 years. That's right, I find my time to spend with my virtual friends (that's You) by playing less video games. True, I knew there would come a day when I would have to let go of gaming (slightly).

Okay, where were we. Right - snow Wed. morning. I was in such a good mood that I thought I'd change the light bulbs in the garage that someone has been bugging me about. So, I risk life and limb balancing on a plastic ladder to successfully change the light in the ceiling.

That went so well, I thought I'd change the light in the garage door opener as well. That's when it happened. I was accosted! Violated, I tell you!

Upon removing the cover to the light on the opener, these "things" jumped out at me. I can only assume that they are the result of some fiendish experiment, or possibly the result of radiation exposure.

I can only imagine the battle that was waged inside the light cover, as these two behemoths went at it. The hills on the coaster just got much, much bigger.

Most of Thursday was pretty uneventful, aside from the thousands, and I mean thousands of calls I continue to get from contractors. I submitted some info online (first mistake) about work I need done in my basement, and now everyone in a 100 mile sq. radius, who owns a hammer, is calling me.

I ended my day with the biggest hill of the week (or so I thought). Awhile back, many of you showered me and my family with kind words and encouragement. Echoing some of the thought others have shared, it was much appreciated, and refreshing to know there are still a lot of kind people out there.

Well, I have to call on you again! While it may be too soon for me to be searching for more sympathy, I'm really backed into a corner here! You see, I found out that I have to have a root canal. After years of putting my body through hell, I am accustomed to a certain amount of pain, mostly in my knees and back. However, there are 2 places, where I cannot tolerate ANY pain and/or discomfort - My eyes and my mouth.

I have requested to be put to sleep for the procedure - we'll see how that goes. I'm sure I would be properly numbed up, but that is not really the problem.

What I hate about having things done at the dentist - Even though you usually cannot feel anything, you can still tell what they are doing. When I had a tooth pulled, I did not feel it, but I knew what what happening when my head jerked. When I had fillings done, I did not feel it, but I could still see and smell the smoke coming out of my mouth.

I am NOT looking forward to this! On the bright side, though, I now have Vicodin to help deal with the pain until I have it done. Wish me luck.

W.W.J.D? - Lure one of those silly contractors to the house. Disable them quietly, as to draw no attention to himself, for a short time. Take a pair of pliers from their tool box, and remove the bad tooth with one swift pull. Problem solved and money saved. He would no doubt now be able to make a cool new whistling noise with the extra space.

Have a Great Weekend!

Baba Ganoush, Out.

Look Away Baba, Look Away.....

2007-01-17T10:00:00.000-05:00

As hard as I try, I can't look away from this train wreck. Please make it stop! I want to hide my face, I am so embarrassed from some of these people! Oh, how the people of Minneapolis, MN and the upper Midwest are embarrassing themselves.

It's not all bad though. Jewel is a special guest host on the Season 6 premier of American Idol. You probably didn't know it, but Jewel was talking about good old Baba when she wrote - "You Were Meant For Me." I really do hate it when you leave the lights on baby. I really do.

You see, American Idol is one of those shows I watch for my wife. Remember, I placate her by watching some of her shows, and she returns the favor watching shows for me she really doesn't like.

Can you keep a secret? I don't mind watching this show all that much. Especially during the early episodes when people just make complete jackasses out of themselves.

Some of the early contestants are clearly just trying to put on a show, which is what producers are looking for anyway. Others honestly think they have talent, but are gravely mistaken. Who can forget America's Heartthrob?

Wait a minute! Is that? No, it's just William Hung! Blogger must have just messed up the cropping.

The Minneapolis auditions made me glad that I no longer live in the Upper Midwest. I do miss the Fargo accents though - they could always put a smile on my face! Only 17 people got passes to Hollywood. My early favorite to win it all - not sure what her name is, so let's refer to her as the Shakira look alike.

By season's end, I will be a happy man if I hear her say, "Ay Papi," just one time! Please, just one time.

My love affair with The Fox Network is at an all time high. Jack Bauer, you complete me! 24, also entering its 6th Season, started on Sunday night. I am a huge 24 fan, who has watched the show since its 1st Season. I must say that this season is a little more edgy than those in the past. I mean edgy in a Descent kind of way, only tempered (slightly) for network TV.

I think, given any tough decision, you only need to ask yourself 1 question - What Would Jack Do (W.W.J.D.?)? You do that, and you can never go wrong. You may spend some time in jail for assault and battery, but in the end things will work out for you!

I was pleasantly surpised to see Kumar (Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle fame) with a role in 24. Unfortunately, Kumar did not make it past the 4th hour. That's okay. It should give him more time to work on Harold and Kumar 2!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Ramble Alert - Aging, Therapy, and Cremains

2007-01-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

I want to first thank everyone for the kind words left earlier in the week about my daughter. She is doing just fine. I got worked up for nothing - just being an over-protective Dad. God help us all when she starts dating. Her older brother (2 yo) is starting to be very protective of her, which is funny to watch, and oddly not due to my influence at all.

That said, let me start my rambling, or I'll never get through this. I love everything about being a Dad. I wouldn't trade that for the world, but my kids are a constant reminder that I'm getting old. That would be fine, if they were the only reminders.

In the past I have ranted about my grey hair and my early onset of Alzheimer's. Up until now, I've dealt with my rapidly aging self pretty well. Most of my life, I've been characterized by my athletic ability. Surprisingly, I've taken the fact that my abilities have diminished (or at least the fact that I don't use them anymore) very well.

I was okay when I could no longer be introduced as a Big Ten Football player. I'd played football for 14 years, and then one day it was gone. To this day I don't think I've internally dealt with the void that was left in me when football went away.

I was okay when I decided to stop playing rugby, despite playing a key role on a national championship runner-up team. In some parts of the country, rugby is taken very seriously. My time playing rugby enabled me to relive some of my glory days. Well, on a smaller scale, but I still got the attention I needed.

I am even okay with the fact that I have not played basketball in 2 years. There was a time when I played everyday. I remember when I went home one summer we played with the lunch crowd at noon. We would then play with the evening guys around 6 pm. We would end our day playing with the Kent State guys around midnight.

My athletic endeavors these days are mostly playing Wii Sports, chasing the little guy around the house, and mowing the lawn. Yes, I know, very sad.

Given all that, I think I've been pretty good with the grey hair and Alzheimer's situation. Well, I can't take anymore! For the past year of so, I have been eyeing up some hair that had sprouted from the corner of my inner ear. At first it was just a little fuzz. Then it got longer and darker. I finally had to have my wife trim it with a little pair of scissors, which in and of itself carried a fair amount of dignity loss.

The straw that broke them camels back came during the holidays and while I was Christmas shopping. Not sure if you guys have seen these skate shoes the kids are wearing. I'm in the mall, kids everywhere, and some of them just start rolling around on their shoes. I literally said to myself, "those god damn kids, and their skating shoes." I give it until June, and I'm telling the neighbor kids to turn down their blasted music as I sit on my rocking chair on the porch.

So, is that what I'm considering seeking therapy for? No! In my last post, I made a reference to The Exorcist. I mistakenly called Linda Blair, Natalie Blair.

What in the hell was this Freudian slip all about. I really don't want to know! Gotta love Blair though. Lisa Welchel was so cute back in the day! Get out of my head Mindy Cohn! GET OUT NOW! That's all I have to say about that.

Which brings me to my last little tid bit. Earlier in the week, Dan blogged about Cremains. I made a promise to briefly explore my phobia of funeral homes and morticians. My uncle is a mortician. Growing up I would play at the funeral home where he worked (and now owns). The owners at the time had kids that were around my age (8 or 9 at the time). They had an enormous house, half of which was dedicated to being the funeral home.

We would play hide and seek, and they would always hide in the casket room. The casket room had a staircase that went directly to the embalming room. I remember going there at times when they had a body that was ready to be shown, and the kids were always fiddling with the body. The image that is etched in my mind is of their boy taking glasses off of an elderly woman and wearing them. To this day, I am very uncomfortable visiting them. This is a profession that all the money in the world couldn't get me to do!

This phobia was reinforced later in life by The Tall Man, Angus Scrimm. I think I saw Phantasm at an age when I had no business watching a movie like that, and thus, the emotional scar.

Have a Great Weekend!!!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

"Emergence Delirium" - WITH UPDATE

2007-01-09T08:30:00.000-05:00

"Emergence Delirium." I was a little unsure what that was too, but it did not sound very pleasant. Unfortunately, I may experience it today. My youngest goes in today to have tubes put in her ears, which, in and of itself, does not sound like a very pleasant thing to have done.

I made it through childhood and 14 years of playing football, and have never had any surgery. This seems like a fairly common and harmless surgery. However, with my general concern as a parent and lack of experience with surgeries, I am not taking this very well. I may very well be "that guy" who needs oxygen by the end of the day. Good think I'll be at a hospital.

I'm sure they're preparing us for the worst with the literature we received pre-surgery. My expectations are nothing short of a horror film, with my little family as the main characters. Will I be the hero, or will I pull a Costanza, pushing women and small children out of the way, as I make my break for the exit?

I present to you a small (and I mean small) excerpt from our pre-surgery novel.

Recovery Period After Your Child's Surgery

After your child's surgery / procedure, your child will go to the Post Anesthesia Care Unit / PACU. The PACU is an open room with areas separated by curtains to provide visual privacy for each family.

In the PACU, a nurse will be at your child's bedside for the entire recovery period to ensure his / her safety and comfort.

Though it is a very busy place, we encourage each family to focus their attention on their child. Some children may be affected by the crying of other children. Please know we are working to comfort each child and family.

The amount of time children spend in the PACU varies from 15 minutes to several hours, depending on the type of procedure and anesthetic. We will make every effort to reunite you and your child in the PACU as soon as possible.

We will reach you in the surgery waiting area to invite you to your child's bedside. Please do not hesitate to ask your nurse if you need assistance while in the PACU.

What You'll See in the PACU

Most children receive oxygen through a face mask for a period of time after anesthesia. Sometimes children look pale, puffy or swollen after surgery. This is normal.

Children differ in their reactions to anesthetics. Some have an upset stomach and may vomit. Often children are give medications to help decrease the possibility of nausea and vomiting. Some may have dizziness for a period of time.

If a breathing tube is used during surgery, some may have a sore throat. This is normal.

Children wake up differently from anesthesia. Some children wake up quickly and may be awake before their families arrive at the bedside. Other children may still be sleeping from the effects of anesthesia.

Please do not wake your child. In our experience, children often have a gentler and more comfortable wake up when they wake on their own.

Some children wake up shivering though they are not cold. Encouraging your child to take deep breaths will help. Those who have had intravenous / IV pain medication may have an extremely itchy nose. This itch will go away.

Some children wake up restless or irritable. Some appear awake but are not aware of what is going on around them.

Some cry, thrash, arch their back, reach out and seem
inconsolable, even when they are in their parent's arms. This behavior is not usually related to pain, and children do not usually remember it.

This restless or irritable wake up is known as "emergence delirium." About one third of young children who have brief procedures experience emergence delirium, but it may
occur in children of any age, even after a longer time under anesthesia.

Emergence delirium may be upsetting for you to see, but be assured that it will go away. Sometimes it lasts about 10 minutes. Other times, it lasts up to an hour or longer.

By staying calm, speaking softly, and remaining at the bedside, you can be a comfort to your child. Your nurse will be at the bedside to reassure and support you in consoling and comforting your child.

You and your child are welcome to stay in the PACU until this restless or irritable stage passes. However, in our experience, returning to a familiar environment often helps calm children.

The most effective way to help your child may be to return to
your hospital room or your car. Your child may calm down after the car ride home or a brief nap.

Remember that scene in Alien when we first see the, well, Alien come out of the guys chest? Or, when Linda Blair is tied to the bed in the Exorcist? That's what I'm expecting. Minus the actual Alien and the priest throwing around holy water.

And this PACU place sounds nothing short of a concentration camp medial unit, with doctors running around yelling STAT all the time.

Wish me luck!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

***UPDATE***

The surgery went well yesterday. We went back with her when she was put to sleep. The doc gave her some bubblegum flavored gas. He seemed like he was just letting her smell what it was like, but we were actually underway.

She went down without a problem. We sat down in the waiting room, I had just started to worry, and they came to tell us they were done. So, we were off to the concentration camp, where I was fully prepared to see devil babies using their evil powers to rule the world. My only comfort was the medical staff that would inevitably be yelling STAT to warn the world of the evil within.

I walk in with my eyes closed, and to my surprise, things are very calm. And their is our little girl, sucking on a bottle of apple juice livin' the high life. No "emergence delirium." She was actually very happy and laid back (she gets that from her Dad!). And now she is just like Jamie Sommers, as her ear procedure seems to have giving her bionic hearing.

Again, thanks for all the kind thoughts. It turned out well, but I will be happy never to have to see any of my children through surgery again!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

A Misplaced Gift from Baba Ganoush

2007-01-06T00:30:00.000-05:00

Here is a Saturday Night Live skit (SNL Digital Short) with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg. I generally don't watch SNL, so I never see these things when they are first run.

Honestly, at first I did not think it was that funny. After watching it the 2nd and 3rd time, I laughed out loud. Pretty entertaining. Well, at least worth 2 min 45 sec of your time. I'll admit too, I'm a closet JT fan.

Currently the #1 YouTube video for 2007 by over 5 million views. Enjoy, and have a great weekend!

Dick in the Box

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

The Descent

2007-01-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

WOW. Doing research for this little blog was quite interesting. There are a lot of reviews out there that are quite lengthy, well thought out, and very informative.

Not that you won't get some of that from me, but I am going to make a very concerted effort to keep these short and sweet. It will most likely be hard to keep these short, and be as informative as I'd like to be. But, hey, as much as I like to blog, I don't have that kind of time.

When it comes to movies, I am a very simple person. I do notice holes in plots, I easily pick up on sub-plots, and I think (in my opinion) I have a good feel for what is "good" and what is "bad." With that said, there're very few movies (and I can't think of any right now) that I've seen, where I thought I wasted my time. You might say I am easily entertained.

So, there's my little disclaimer that this will not be better than Rotten Tomatoes. Now that we have that out of the way, let's take a look at The Descent!

The Spoiler

One year after a tragic accident, six girlfriends meet in a remote part of the Appalachians for their annual caving trip. Deep below the surface of the earth, disaster strikes when a rock falls and blocks their route back to the surface. The girls soon learn that Juno, the thrill-seeking leader of the expedition, has brought them to an unexplored cave and that as a result no knows where they are to come rescue them. The group splinters and each push on, praying for another exit. But there is something else lurking under the earth - a race of monstrous humanoid creatures that are adapted perfectly to life in the dark. As the friends realize they are now prey, they are forced to unleash their most primal instincts in an all-out war against an unspeakable horror - one that attacks without warning, again and again and again.

The Experts Say

"Prepare to be scared senseless, and then, when you think you have it figured, your certainty will be shaken by scenes built to scare you even more."
--Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE

"Relentlessly intense from first frame to last, this is a movie for viewers who felt that Tarantino's Kill Bill needed more blood and that the torture scenes in Hostel were too toned down."
--Emanuel Levy, EmanuelLevy.com

"The Descent doesn't need to exist: a script that goes beyond outlandish. Actors who'd flunk out of Make Believe 101. Blind creatures that see things. Did we mention continuity?"
--Stephan Williams, NEWSDAY

Here's Where They Are Saying It

Rotten Tomatoes - As always, a very thorough look at the movie. Is there really any need to do research elsewhere? Well, other than here of course! Very interesting back and forth going on in the comments section from two people with very different views of the movie.

IMDb - Fairly informative site. Not as thorough as Rotten Tomatoes. Not as entertaining as Baba Ganoush.

BBC Movies - Since this was a British movie, I wanted to include a British review. Not the best site. Any of you friendly Brits want to give me some advice on where to look for reviews in the future?

Expert Ratings

Rotten Tomatoes - 7.3/10 (Critics) and 7.7/10 (Users)

IMDb - 7.5/10

BBC Movies - 4 out of 5 Stars

Baba Ganoush Says

This movie was TERRIFYING! The Unrated version (which is what I watched) also boasts some of the most gruesome scenes I've ever seen in a movie. Honestly, just doing research for this post, specifically visiting the official Descent website, sent chills down my spine. I had to skip the intro. Maybe another strange little phobia, but I HAD to skip it (enough said).

Also, I am a tad claustrophobic, and found myself squirming in my seat as the characters squeezed through caverns. Unless you are the next Jeffrey Dahmer, you will slightly be bothered with parts of this movie.

If you like these kinds of movies, I would certainly recommend watching it. There are some very glaring flaws in the plot, and the end of the movie is TERRIBLE (in my opinion). With that said, if you're looking for a little shock (in my case, it was A LOT), this is your movie.

For me, Natalie Mendoza, stole the show. Her character in the movie (Juno) is a bad-ass. She quickly let us know that the girls were not going to just going to run around screaming and wait to meet their fate.

Baba Ganoush Rating

This was a good movie, which received A LOT of hype. In the immortal words of Chuck D., Don't Believe the Hype! The movie failed to live up to its billing for me. The plot insufficiency's were hard to over look. And the ending left a very, very bad taste in my mouth. For a shocker, though, it gets the job done.

6.5 out of 10.

I hope you all enjoy my little movie posts. I love TV and Movies, so this was fun to do.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Movies Reviews and Blogs Done Twice

2007-01-03T09:45:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's Hump Day already! How time flies when you are off on Monday and don't really do anything on Tuesday.

This is actually my second time writing this blog. Which, I must say, is a tad annoying! It's a new year, so I'm not going to let it get me all worked up.

If you're keeping score at home, you know I love to watch TV and Movies. I've decided to start a little movie review portion of my blog. I will most likely just be reviewing DVDs, although, I will occasionally brave the outside world to give you my take on a new release (oh, how I miss you buttery popcorn and ridiculously big soda!).

My reviews will NOT include complex plot and/or character analysis (I'll include links for you to view such things if you wish). Nor will it include words that people do not understand. Seriously, who uses "ennui" anyway? And don't even get me started on all this "whilst" crap.

I will simply give you my take on the movie, some sort of rating, and as always, try to inject a little humor. I will also be taking requests. So, whether you just want to know what I think of your favorite movie or just you don't want to waste your time watching something, but are curious, I'm your man. Just send me and email. It may take me a little while to get to your movie, but I promise, I WILL watch it. I will keep of list of movies yet to be reviewed on my blog.

Tomorrow will be my first review. Here is a little teaser:

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Happy New Year, Drunken Debauchery, and Reminiscing

2007-01-02T00:30:00.000-05:00

Wow, has it really been almost 2 weeks since I posted my Natalie Portman Gansta Rap? I thought a break from work would give my plenty of opportunities to post. I was wrong. I guess I need the mundane daily grind of work to force me to blog!

So, on the eve of my first day back to work in almost 3 weeks, I thought I'd get back into the swing of things.

I was going to take the opportunity to blog about my New Year's resolutions, but to be honest, my resolutions are pretty standard. And I, like most people, will most likely break them within the first month. In fact, I think I've already broken at least 2 of them. And since I don't own a flying car, 2007 is off to a pretty disappointing start.

I'm sure a lot of you spent some time over the past few weeks a little under the influence (some, I'm sure, A LOT under the influence). For the most part, my days of "tying one on" are behind me.

*Side Comment* - "Tying one on," was a phrase I heard a lot when I lived in Wisconsin. During my time up there, I was able to ascertain that it meant going out and getting really drunk, which I did quite a bit. I still have no idea though where that phrase came from and/or what I was tying on and where.

Last week, I had the pleasure to turn back the clock a bit and tie one on with a few friends. I had a great time in Broad Ripple, IN, where my drink of choice for the night was Vodka and Red Bull. I lost count after 8 of them. In the past, this sort of drinking might have led me to engage in Weird activity #3. These days, I seem to be able to drink in excess, not get sick and am rarely hung over (yes, I know, this might be part of a larger problem). A few of my comrades in tying things on were not so lucky. Recounting their drunken debauchery the next day was almost as fun as the night before.

In an effort to avoid a Slander and Libel Suit from a few people, I will adhere to the age old saying - What happened in Broad Ripple, will stay in Broad Ripple. I will though, share a story of my drunken debauchery from times past.

In college, I had 3 roommates. For purposes of this blog, and any future references to the roommates, let's refer to them as Dan, Joel, and Julian (the names have been changed to protect the innocent).

So, it was one year after graduation, and Julian was getting married in Columbus, IN. Columbus is a small town just east of where we all went to school. The groom's wedding party consisted of all the roommates. Friday night was rehearsal, and you know what that means - stake your claim to a bride's maid, try to get the groom to come to his senses, and get hammered.

The wedding and reception were at the Holiday Inn, which is also where we all stayed. And, as luck would have it, this Holiday Inn had its own night club! And, to no one's surprise, it was the place to be on a Friday and Saturday night in Columbus.

There we were, living the High Life in Columbus Indiana. Joel and Julian spent the night, well, being Joel and Julian. Dan and I spent the night trying to figure out when Julian's little sister's boobs had gotten so big. That, and hitting on some of the locals.

After numerous attempts by the roommates, Julian refused to back out, and went to bed at a reasonable 11pm. Joel disappeared like he always does. Dan and I closed down the bar, like we always do. At this point, it was around 2am, and Dan decided to go door to door in an effort to find Julian's sister. He did not find her room, but he did find several of Julian's and the bride's relatives rooms.

Unfortunately, Dan's waking up of Grandma and Grandpa Julian to hook up with their granddaughter, was NOT the hot topic the next day. You see, I topped Dan - by a long shot!

When I made it back to the room I was sharing with Joel, I proceeded to "get sick" in the room. At some point, Dan came by to see if I was okay. I give him credit for that, but he was probably still on his search. After making sure I was okay by dumping water on me as I laid in my bed, they were nice enough to take me out of my wet clothes - ALL OF THEM!

So there I am. Naked, passed out, and laying on a wet bed. They had their standard fun with me using shaving cream, lotion, and tooth paste (no, there was no sort of penetration. This is NOT that kind of story).

To this day, I don't know which one it was, but they decided to kick it up a notch. Well, who could blame them? They already had the shaving cream out. They shaved the back of my legs all the way up to my ass. Apparently though, shaving the back of my legs was not good enough. One of them even had to bright idea to flip me over and shave my private parts (knowing the Dan and Joel like I do, I have no doubt, it was Joel). Thinking about those 2 drunkards tooling around the family jewels with a disposable razor makes my skin crawl! Thankfully, I had beat them to it days before with a fresh trim.

It would be nice if this is where the story ended, but oh no, not this night. There we were, Joel snuggled nicely under his covers. Me - naked, laying on top of wet sheets. Around 5 am, I woke up freezing. I did what anybody would do. Go hop in the tub, fill it up with warm water and pass out again there. For the next 3 hours or so, I would lay there, adding more hot water every time I woke up cold. Around 8am, Joel got up and went to breakfast. He claims he checked on me, and I was fine. Needless to say, I remained in the tub - naked.

Circa 8:30 am, the maid came! After knocking with no answer, she entered the room to do her job. To the terror of the 50 something Hispanic lady, who barely spoke English, she found a large man passed out in a tub full of water. So, the call went out - directly to the Bride and her parents - There was a man in their block of rooms dead in the bath tub.

After determining I was still alive, things settled down a bit. As the story filtered through the both families and all the other guests, everyone had a good laugh (everyone, but the bride). I still get together with my roommates once or twice a year, and this story is always a favorite to recount.

A bit of me thought that sharing a story like this might be a little much. But if I can't share a drunken story with people who I'll never meet in real life, what is the world coming to.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Queen Amidala - I Love You

2006-12-20T11:30:00.000-05:00

It seems as though Princess Leia's mom has turned to the Dark Side of The Force! That's right, you better recognize, or Padme will bust a cap in your ass.

Pretty funny! I have new found respect for Natalie Portman. Enjoy, and Happy Hump Day!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Quizzes and Cats

2006-12-19T01:00:00.000-05:00

It may come as a bit of a surprise to you guys, but I have a bit of an ego. My favorite way to feed that ego, is to be right about things. If you want to play a "friendly" game of chess, I am NOT your guy. So, when I found "Do You Deserve Your High School Diploma" on Anna Banana's blog, clicking on the link and taking the quiz was instinct.

To be honest, I was a little worried about what the outcome might be. I've heard the stories that it's actually harder to get a GED than it is to get a HS Diploma (or maybe that's just something they tell GED students to make them feel better), and that most adults could not pass a GED exam.

I scored an 86%, and despite the fact that the site seems to think that's a good score, it's just B to B+.

I am curious to see how you guys do. Visit the link above, and post your score in the comments. Try to play fair and not look anything up and/or use a book (Evil Spock).

You paid attention during 86% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

I have been blogging now for about 4 months (my mission statement). During my short time here, I've seen a lot. Some friends have been made and some friends have been lost (where the hell is Madison anyway?).

It's gotten very trendy to post pictures of your pets. Some people have conversation with their pets - Exhibit A. Some people even use their pets as another identity when posting - Exhibit B (Yeah, it sounds like Dissociative Identity Disorder to me too!).

In an effort to be just as trendy as everyone else, here are a few pics of my pets.

Allow me to introduce you to Bailey (the little one) and Morgan (the big one getting ready to lay the smack down on me for waking them up). Bailey is a girl and Morgan is a boy. Bailey enjoys getting stuck in places she cannot get out of (between walls), knocking cups off the counter, eating plants, and just in general, causing mischief. Morgan enjoys being fat, finding new places to lounge each day, having his belly rubbed and getting punked by Bailey. Both cats are great for cuddling (if you are into that sort of thing), running from the kids, and NOT killing bugs!

Stay tuned for my next road trip, where I will give you guys the details of the trip through the eyes of Bailey, as narrated by Morgan. It should be riveting!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Bung Holes, Alzheimers, and Tags

2006-12-18T13:45:00.000-05:00

As you can see from the title, I plan to ramble just a tad.

Ramble Part I: First and foremost, my admission of not using toilet paper seems to have caused quite a stir. Therefore, I have decided clarify my stance on TP. I may even convert some of you to my lifestyle!

It all started when I was in college. As a typical guy (and occasional viewer of adult videos), I needed to be ready 24/7 (physically, logistically, and hygienically) for my next random sexual encounter (cause those things happen randomly all the time.....right? Whatever, I have video evidence that says otherwise!). Either way, better to be prepared, than to be caught funky at the library and have to turn down that sexy Tri-Delt for her proposed 8th floor midnight rendezvous because you are not "fresh."

So, I decided to take VERY good care of myself. A fresh haircut once a every 2 weeks. A new pair of shoes once every 6 months. I sometimes showered 4 times a day (once, I showered 6 times in a day ((remember, I was a football player, and we can get funky at times)). I even started to buy clothes on a more frequent basis, rather than always wearing the ones the university provided me. And I started using Moist Flushable Wipes on a daily basis. Fast forward 8 years, and I now use them exclusively.

For those of you thinking of converting to my fresh and clean lifestyle, I should let you know that there is one side-effect. After years of using Moist Wipes, my ass has become as soft as, well, as a baby's ass. Problem is, it is very sensitive and even when using the best and most expensive TP (you know, that double quilted stuff with Aloe), it feels like I am using sand paper.

So, there you have it! Some of you probably think I am weirder than before you have no explanation. But you know what? I would rather have that, than to think some people thought I just walked around all day with a stinky ass!

Ramble Part II: I pride myself on having a great memory. I would not say that I am all that detail oriented (although BSB's Ice Cream Personality Test says otherwise), but I generally remember things well, especially the little details. Generally, I use this gift for evil - arguing! I love to argue, and I love being right!

Lately, though, I've found that I can't remember certain things. My cut-off is generally when I moved from Bloomington, IN to Milwaukee, WI about 6 years ago. I can remember some of the bigger events before that, but I cannot grasp the small things - the details. Is this a bigger problem, or is this just what happens? Either way, I guess it's a good thing I have this blog! So, when I'm 40 and sitting in a rocking chair, drooling on myself, I can remember when I told all you guys about my ass wipe fetish!

Ramble Part III: Seems as though, I've been hit again. Angry Ballerina tagged me to:

1 - Find the nearest book.
2 - Name the book
3 - The author
4 - Turn to page 123
5 - Go to the fifth sentence on the page
6 - Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
7 - Tag three more folks.

Here goes:

1 - I could have gone upstairs and retrieved a non-text book. But that was too far, and I knew where some of my old books were just a few feet away.
2 - Abnormal Psychology (No, I do not like the faces)
3 - Gerald C. Davison and John M. Neale
4 - Alright, if you say so
5 - Does the first sentence count, or is the the first full sentence
6 - Whether experiments are regarded as analogues depends not on the experiment itself but rather on the use to which it is put. We can very readily study avoidance behavior in a white rat. The data collected from such studies are not analogue data if we limit our discussion to the behavior of rats.
7 - I tag AML, Heather Lynn, and Madison (hey, maybe this will bring her back???)

That's all I have to say about all of that!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Dude, That's REALLY Weird

2006-12-15T09:15:00.000-05:00

Alright, now let me see if I can figure this out. Evil Spock "tags" me, and now I have to share 6 weird things about myself. Okay, sounds fair, here you go:

1. I sleep with a space heater next to my bed. It could be 90 degrees outside and the middle of summer, and I'd still have my heater going. I love the noise it makes and nothing is better than sleeping with warm air blowing on your face!

2. I love to watch all kinds of movies. I especially like scary movies. Problem is, I cannot watch them alone. Whenever the scary parts come on, I hide my face in my hands and watch the screen through my fingers. Recently, I've started just buying scary movies on DVD, and watching them while playing the scary parts in x8 speed.

3. In college, I drank to excess just like most other students. Thing is, for awhile in school I could not hold my liquor very well. I would generally get "sick" at least 1 night every weekend. Weird thing is, I would always make it to the bathroom, but I would sit on the toilet, and get "sick" on the floor right in front of me.

4. I refuse to use toilet paper! In fact, outside of emergencies, I have not used it in 6 years.

5. Playing collegiate sports, I had the pleasure of showering with other men on a daily basis. After a long day of practice, I sometimes felt the need to have a little fun. While showering, I would, on occasion, urinate on a teammate's leg. It was the best watching their reaction when they felt something on their leg that was a little warmer than their shower water.

6. At the tender age of 32, and with a wife and 2 children, I play A LOT of video games. And when I say A LOT, I mean A LOT. We're talking Nintendo Wii, Nintendo Gamecube, Nintendo DS, Playstation 2, Xbox 360, and I will occasionally break out the Atari or Dreamcast. And to validate my weirdness, my Xbox Live GamerTag. For the record, 4765 is very good!

Put your &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;gamertag&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/span&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; here too.

So there you have it. I hope my newly proclaimed weirdness will not drive anyone away.

Oh yeah, I guess I have to tag 4 people. I tag, BSB, Heather Lynn, JLee, and Dan. I look to hearing your innermost weird.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Please HELP

2006-12-14T08:15:00.000-05:00

Why do I need your help? Well, let me tell you a little story first.

I let you all know in The Worst Post Ever, that I had a pool table and bar set delivered on 11/22/06. Here is what it looks like:

While my basement is certainly NOT this grand, it was not that shabby, and was well on its way to being stellar.

In addition to the pool table and bar, I also have a black leather sectional.

And what does every rec. room need? That's right, a 50 in. HDTV.

And just because I have been waiting for an excuse to show a little bit of my wine collection:

A little something for everyone - Bacardi 151, Jim Beam Black, and Grey Goose Vodka. Also, this is most of my wine collection. About 25 bottles counting what I have in another location.

I do plan to buy a wine refrigerator at some point.

A few all-stars from my collection (left to right) 1 - Graham's "Six Grapes" Reserve Porto. 2 - 2001 Paul Jaboulet Chateauneuf Du Pape. 3 - 2000 Louis M. Martini Cabernet Sauvignon. 4 - 2002 Ironstone Meritage (a Cab. Sauv., Cab. Franc, Merlot blend).

I drink the Six Grapes regularly, but will not open the others until at least 2008.

So, what's the problem? Well, this past weekend, my basement decided it was a little thirsty. I went over to shoot a little pool and low and behold, the carpet was soaked. I immediately went and rented a carpet cleaner - mostly to help suck up the water.

That night we had our first "basement specialist" look at the problem. He decided it was a drainage problem on the outside of the house. He wanted to dig a trench inside the basement that would help funnel water out. I do not know a lot about this sort of thing, but this DID NOT sound like what I was looking for! ($2500 estimate plus carpet, wall, and odor repairs - 100% my expense)

The next guy that came out said the same thing, only he wanted to fix it on the outside, which sounded like a lot better of a plan to me. ($3700 estimate plus, carpet, wall, and odor repairs - 100% my expense)

All the while, water is still coming into the basement in a steady flow, which was strange, as we had not had rain in about 10 days. Both guys that came out did not think this was strange at all though - and hey, they are the experts.

Although we are not the original owners, we decided to call the builder, as the house is only 3 years old. The builder representative was there that day, and determined that it could not be due to outside factors - WHY, because there had been no rain, and it was almost impossible.....hmmm. Upon tearing apart the wall (which was a little strange to watch) he found a pipe with a small crack in it that was shooting out a steady flow of water.

We are up to about $8000 in total repairs thus far. Good news, it's covered by our home owners insurance! ($1000 deductible, and the rest 100% covered)

You may be thinking about how sorry you feel for poor Baba. You may be thinking about how lucky I am with the way things turned out. You may even be thinking about shooting some stick and having an adult beverage with Baba.

I am sure though, that you are wondering how I need YOUR help! Seems as though, as part of this process, we are going to be getting all new carpet throughout the basement. We are also getting a fresh paint job on the walls!

I am in charge of decorating 2 rooms in the house. My home office and the basement. While I think I did a very good job at picking out the color scheme and the furniture in my office, I am at a total loss as to what to do with the basement.

I need a color for the wall and the carpet. Keeping in mind the black leather sectional and the mahogany bar and pool table (the felt is black).

Thanks in advance for your help.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Baba Ganoush's Pet Peeves 101 - Pent Up Anger

2006-12-11T01:40:00.000-05:00

As I sat here trying to think of something to write about, I could not help myself, but to think about all the things that piss me off. I have blogged about some of them in the past, but trust me, there are a lot more.

So, I thought I would tell you about all of them. This will not only give me something to write about, but it should also be therapeutic.

Here we go! In no particular order:

Socks with holes in them. Well, actually, people who wear socks with holes in them. Seriously, come on now! You can get a 10pk of socks for $10. Even if you have fancy tastes, socks are cheap, and thus, you have no reason to wear socks with your big toe or heel sticking out of them. This can also apply to underwear with holes in them.
When people spell "a lot," "alot." This is just done way too much. In an effort to not think people are morons, I attribute this to laziness. So, stop being lazy and hit the space key.
PEOPLE WHO DO NOT FOLLOW MY SIMPLE RULES OF HIGHWAY DRIVING!!! (Yes, this is a BIG ONE!)
When people should use "their," but mistakenly use "there." (or vice versa) Oh, and just to mess with your head Mensa Boy, people advanced in the skill of grammar may sometimes use "they're." I know, I know, it hurts sometimes.
People who have no regard for another human beings "personal space." Whether you are a close talker, or just ignorant - Please take 2 steps back, immediately!
"To," "Two," and "Too" are NOT interchangeable! They each have their own meaning. If you often mix them up, please repeat 2nd grade!
I take my driving very seriously. Generally though, I am very nice while driving. I'll usually let people out into traffic in front of me. I'll also let you cut in front of me. I just have 1 rule - YOU MUST USE YOUR BLINKER! So, where is the Pet Peeve, you ask. I'll tell you - When I let you out or let you cut in front of me, and you DO NOT acknowledge said act. A simple wave will do. A head nod will suffice. Hell, give me the bird. Just acknowledge the fact that I did you a solid.
When I stop to get food, drive all the way home, and my order is all messed up and/or things are missing. Yeah, I should have probably checked the order, but forgive me for thinking Minimum Wage Guy could place the burger and fries in the bag with no problem.
When I have Coupon Lady in front of me at the grocery check out and she holds up the line because her .25 cent coupon for beans won't scan. Ma'am, we're gonna need to get a manager over here to enter their code. Okay, I'll wait.
When people walk across a cross walk, but the little box is telling them not to walk. And then you have to wait for them to move before you can drive.

I told myself I would stop at 10. I will release BG's Pet Peeves 201 at some point.

I thought this would be therapeutic, but it really just pissed me off and made me tense. But hopefully, some of you can help me justify my Pet Peeves.

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Please Make It STOP!!!

2006-12-08T11:00:00.000-05:00

It's been roughly 6 months now since we moved back to Ohio. After being held captive in Wisconsin for 6 years, we were able to get relocated to Cincinnati, OH. Things were good, as we were now closer to family and friends.

For the purposes of this blog, you must know that I detest snakes, rodents, and just bugs in general. To be completely honest, it's probably more of a phobia that I have than just a general dislike. To the point where re-living all this drama will probably keep me up at night!

So, here we go. I looked the other way this summer when I found out our back yard was infested with snakes. Just posting this picture makes my skin crawl! And yes, the snakes in the backyard were this big! No really, I swear!

There are still parts of our yard where I refuse to cut the grass. Most notably, Snake Hill. After an encounter here in early August, I vowed not to return, and I did not.

And yes, if you are wondering, the danger in this region of the back yard did affect the usage of the play system we spent an obscene amount of money to have put in (where does the money go......yeah, I wonder!).

I even ignored the fact that these guys came and went from the house like they were paying rent! These pictures are from my basement and they were about the size of a half-dollar. Not only were they very large, they are also very agile and got around quickly!

In addition to the above tenants, we had numerous other bugs chilling at the crib. And don't get me started on the thousands, and I kid you not THOUSANDS, of crickets that hung out in the yard.

We live in a suburb north of the city, and despite all the wild life in and around our house, I took it all in stride and was happy with the move.

WELL, UNTIL NOW! You see, we got some snow the other day. And when I say some snow, I mean about an inch, which was gone by mid morning. Great you say. Well, not really! Seems as though people here in Cincinnati just LOST THEIR MINDS!

I grew up in Northern Ohio (which gets much more snow than Southern OH). I went to school in Bloomington, IN, which get about the same amount of snow as we get here, and I had never seen this before. It seems as though people in Cincinnati have never driven in snow before.

This picture is of I-75, about 6 miles from where it normally backs up. The traffic was not moving and was backed up the other way as far as I could see. To my knowledge there were no accidents, just people not knowing what in the hell they were doing.

I can put up with a lot, but this has pushed me over the edge. If I wanted traffic like this, I would have moved to Chicago. Stay tuned to see what happens when Cincinnati is launched into the Next Ice Age (2 inches of snow) - I should buy my generator now! Come on people.

To assist in your general driving, please refer to a few of my Golden Rules of Driving. Please note that in snow, speeds should be adjusted accordingly, but the rules are still applicable.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Trapped in the CLAUSet (Lazy Post, but still funny)

2006-12-07T11:45:00.000-05:00

This is most certainly a lazy post, but it is hilarious nonetheless, and in the Christmas spirit (well, sort of)! I laughed out loud when I watched it, and I am still laughing as I post it.

For those PG folks out there, this might be a little too much for you. Everyone else, please enjoy! It's a spoof of Santa Claus in R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet.

Also, for people who are new to the blog, I would encourage you to click here! It is a link to my first post ever, and sheds some light on what I've tried to have this blog about.....I know, I know, I've strayed a few times, but I try to stay on the path.

Anyway, enjoy the videos, and Happy Hump Day!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Trapped in the CLAUSet

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

White Christmas or Green Christmas?

2006-12-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

After my Black Friday experience, this is an attempt to get into the holiday mood!

Are you a Heat Miser of a Snow Miser. I am definately a Snow Miser! Enjoy.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Ps.....Sorry for the crappy quality of the videos. I'm going to have to start making my own!

Shoot the J.....For a Good Cause

2006-12-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

As a former college athlete, I've had the pleasure of playing with or against the likes of Trent Green, Tom Brady, Joey Galloway, Corey Stringer, Kerry Collins, Adewale Oguyleye, Eddie George, and Mike Alstot among others.

While all that makes great dinner conversation, with the way athletes are portrayed in the media, being a former college football player is not always something to brag about. I'm sure some of you are questioning my usage of the word "portrayed." While I think the media exxagerates bad athletes and spreads stereotypes about athletes, there are certainly plenty of examples of why I am not always proud to be a former athlete:

OJ Simpson

Rae Carruth

Mike Tyson

Well, last night was not only a great night of basketball,

#24 Oklahoma St. upset #21 Syracuse 72 - 68

#15 Arizona held off Louisville 72 - 65

but I was also reminded that Little T Learns to Share is not the only good thing that comes out of sports (yeah, yeah, I know there are a lot of good things).

Last night's games were part of the Jimmy V Classic, which is a partnership between ESPN and The V Foundation. The V Foundation was formed in 1993 with the dream of Jim Valvano, a former college basketball coach and announcer, as he battled cancer. Jim died later that year, but his foundation, which was formed to raise money for cancer research lives on today.

In just 13 years, the V Foundation has raised $60 Million. Over the last 5 years .83 cents of every dollar donated went directly to cancer research. Today, the Foundation is able to operate with 100% of everything donated going directly to cancer research.

The clip above is from the 1993 ESPY awards. Jimmy V received the inaugural Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award. Although no touchdowns were scored and no baskets were made, his acceptace speech is one of the greatest moments in sports history. You can read his entire speech here.

After being helped to the stage, Jimmy V gave a great speech. You've probably heard it before, but here's how he ended it, Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever. I thank you and God bless you all.

This post was very educational for me. Here are some cancer stats from the V Foundation website:

• About 1.4 million new cancer cases are expected to be diagnosed in 2006. More than 20 million new cancer cases have been diagnosed since 1990.

• One of every two men and one out of three women will get cancer in their lifetimes.

• Three out of every four American families will have at least one family member diagnosed with cancer.

• About 565,000 Americans are expected to die of cancer in 2006. In the U.S., cancer is the second leading cause of death, responsible for 1 in 4 deaths.

• According to the National Institutes of Health, overall costs for cancer in 2005 were nearly $210 billion, including medical costs, the cost of lost productivity due to illness and the cost of lost productivity due to premature death.

• Approximately 77 percent of all cancers are diagnosed in people aged 55 and older.

• An estimated 9,500 new cases of cancer are anticipated among children aged 14 and younger in 2006. Other than accidents, cancer is the leading cause of death among children.

If you are interested in donating to the Jimmy V Foundation click the link below:

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

The Worst Post Ever.....

2006-11-30T00:30:00.000-05:00

So, it's been a week since my last post. I have been a little busy, but also tired of people doing stupid shit. Maybe it was my own fault for feeling the need to publically put my 2 cents in, but that is what I do sometimes.

I was going to post something interesting tonight, but Blogger has been down quite a bit. So, instead, I'll tell you all what I've been up to the past week.

Wednesday 11/22 - my pool table and bar were delivered and set up by the fine folks at Watsons. My basement rec room is almost finished. I had to move my weight bench to make room. Instead of removing the weight from the bar (there was roughly 200 lbs. on there at the time), I did a quick clean and jerk, and just carried it across the room. *hmmm....that was heavy, I hope I didn't hurt anything*

Thursday 11/23 - went to a friends house for dinner. Worked out well, as I did not have to cook or clean up. And they have they NFL ticket, so I actually got to watch the Thursday game. *what the hell is that pain in my hand?*

Black Friday - I had never ventured out on this day before. Never really had a need to. I like to enjoy a video game every now and then, so I thought I would go look fo a Nintendo Wii or a PS3. Didn't find that, but did find a lot of people that pissed me off.

Best Buy:
Ignorant Lady: Did I run my cart into the back of your leg?
Me: yes.
Ignorant Lady: Oh, I'm sorry.
Me: (without even breaking stride or turning around to look at her) That's okay.

Best Buy Hourly Employee: Can I help you sir.
Me: Yes, I'd like to get out of here now! How can we make that happen?
BBHE: You see that line over there wrapped around 8 aisles?
Me: Yes.
BBHE: Go stand in that line.
1 hour later, I finally checked out!

I will NEVER, EVER go anywhere on Black Friday again! BTW....no next gen gaming systems were obtained!

Saturday 11/25 - the pool table works well. Notre Dame sucks. I hate USC!
*seriously, what the hell is wrong with my hand?*

Sunday 11/26 - Football Sunday. Set my fantasy lineups. Sit on couch. Enjoy football. Wait, have to turn my house into the Griswald Christmas House first. Then I can enjoy football!
*I think my hand may be broken, must go to doctor!*

Monday 11/27 - Who works on Monday anymore. Had a conference call, ran errands, and bought more Christmas decorations.
*the had is better*

Tuesday 11/28 - My Monday. Was able to finally get a Nintendo Wii. Almost bought an extra one to sell online, but that is probably the reason it took me so long to get one, so only one for me.

Wednesday 11/29 - Finally went to the doctor. My hand is in a lot of pain (thankfully my left hand though). It is not broken, but I did severely strain ligaments.

Thursday 11/30 - Stayed up way too late, posting this boring blog!

Sorry for the shitty post! Hope everyone is having a good week. Looks like it might snow where I live tomorrow.

UPDATE!!!
In an effort to make the Worst Post Ever a little more enjoyable, here is a video I thought was pretty funny. Office Space 2 maybe??? I'd go see it!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.....

These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty!

2006-11-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

In my last post, I referenced NBC's Must See TV, which for me, was a Thursday night ritual during most of my college years.

Well it seems one of My Heroes has lost his mind. A man, who I tuned in every week to see how he was going to make me laugh out loud, went nuts over the weekend at The Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, CA.

I cannot find the words to describe what Michael Richards (aka Cosmo Kramer) did over the weekend, so here it is:

See, I told you, the man lost his mind! Here is Jerry Seinfeld helping him make his apology on The Late Show with David Letterman:

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It seems like he is truly sorry. Unfortunately, this probably killed what remaining career he had. I just hope that I can still enjoy Seinfeld. Time shall tell.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

No Mas!!!!!

2006-11-17T14:30:00.000-05:00

It was 1994 -

Bill Clinton was undressing interns with his eyes.
Lorena Bobbitt (the name alone makes me cringe) was found not guilty.
The Buffalo Bills lost their 4th consecutive Super Bowl.
Must See TV was born with the premier of Friends.

And Orenthal James Simpson was charged with the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. In 1995, O.J. was acquitted in "The Trial of the Century."

Since that day, I've stood up for our justice system and O.J. Deep down, I thought he probably did it, but he was found not guilty, so in my mind, he was not guilty. Plus, as a "football guy," I really wanted to believe that he was innocent. So, I defended him time and time again.

I want to remember him as:

NOT:

And to be completely honest, I was doing a pretty good job of that. Well, until now. In a twist straight out of Big Brother or Temptation Island, Fox Network will air "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened" later this month (11/27 & 11/28). Once again, I ponder my age old questions, What in the HELL is wrong with people?????

In case you're too lazy to click the link above, here's the promo:

O.J. will be appearing on Fox to promote his new book - "If I Did It."

At this point, I have to wash my hands with The Juice. Sorry man, I tried! I guess I still have Ray Lewis!

Have a Great Weekend everyone! Don't forget to give Shabbas some love! And yes, you are allowed to watch THE GAME - Michigan - Ohio St. on Shabbas! Camping out for a Nintendo Wii is also permitted on Shabbas, just be careful if you live in Connecticut, there are crazy people out there, they have guns, and they are not afraid to bust a cap in your ass for you Playstation 3 or Nintendo Wii.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars!

2006-11-16T20:00:00.000-05:00

Awhile back, I blogged about The Good Ole Days. Looking back at that blog and thinking about what I was truly feeling, I think I really miss NOT having responsibility.

I miss the days of not having anything to do until it was time to go to practice, get ready for my night of drunken debauchery, or the ever popular - walk all the way to class, only to not go in and head to the Student Union instead to hang out. It's not that I'm not happy in my current life stage. It's just that being an adult (or in my case, pretending to be an adult) is sometimes a little overwhelming.

So, I present to you my first blog about people I look up to. These will be people with values and beliefs that I respect, people who live their lives to the fullest, and just in general, people who I respect and inspire me to be my all.

So, without further ado, I would like to introduce you to a man with no responsibility. A man whose sole purpose in life is to bowl the perfect game. A man that would do anything for a friend. A man, whose lifestyle, I admire. Ladies, Gentleman, and Evil Spock - The Dude! That's right Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski.

The Dude is a care-free unemployed hippy, who lives in LA. The Dude got his start in The Big Lebowski. El Duderino let's little keeping him from bowling with his friends, Walter and Donny.

The Dude is in a constant Zen state, and only gets worked up when someone deprives him of his White Russian or disrespects his rug (which really tied his room together).

In an effort to slow my aging down and salute His Dudeness, I am taking 2 days per month for Shabbas - my personal day of rest (That means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll!).

Please DO NOT interrupt Shabbas, or else!!!

Dude, Baba Ganoush salutes you!

Coach Bobby Knight, We Salute You!

2006-11-15T09:15:00.000-05:00

Unless you have been under a rock the past few days, you have probably seen the video footage of Coach "getting his players attention." In case you haven't, here it is:

Despite the fact that Texas Tech AD Gerald Myers had no problem with it, Michael Prince (the player in question) had no problem with it, and Mr. Prince's parents had no problem with it, the media made a mountain out of a molehill. In fact, some media outlets were calling for Coach's firing.

In an ESPN poll of 45,694 people, 72% said Coach did NOT cross the line with his actions on Monday.

A few quotes on the incident:

Prince was quoted in Tuesday's Lubbock Avalanche-Journal as saying, "He was trying to teach me and I had my head down, so he raised my chin up. He was telling me to go out there and don't be afraid to make mistakes. He said I was being too hard on myself."

"His parents were in total shock that anything was made out of this," Bob Knight said. "If Mike had his head hanging over a mistake again I'd flip his chin up tomorrow. I'm trying to get him to be the best player he can be and his parents' answer was that they didn't expect anything else."

It was only two weeks ago that Knight dismissed leading scorer Jarrius Jackson because the senior guard wasn't on the road to being eligible for the second semester and Knight didn't want him playing if he wasn't going to be available past December. "I kept him out of practice for a week and he progressed well and then I let him practice for a week and he progressed well and now I'm letting him play for a week and then we'll see how he's doing," Knight said of Jackson, who is averaging 24.5 points in two games so far this season.

The last situation says all you need to know about Coach. If you send your child to play for Bobby Knight, they will not be taken advantage of to win games. You will send your 18 year old to Lubbock Texas a boy, and he will leave (WITH DEGREE IN HAND) a Man.

I would also like to thank Miles Brand for dismissing the (soon to be) greatest coach in NCAA history from Indiana. As Coach prepares to pass Dean Smith this season for the most victories in NCAA history, I close with top 10 Bobby Knight sound bites.

Maybe if we still had Coach, my Alma Mater wouldn't have lost to Butler. GO IU!!!!!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Mr. Drug Dealer, I was in the bathroom!!!

2006-11-14T10:00:00.000-05:00

I've returned from my trip to LA. I had a discussion with my wife before I went, and convinced her it was fate that Reese Witherspoon and Britney Spears had "conveniently" become single just before my trip out there. Who are we to look fate in the eye? You saw what happened to Mr. Eko! You have to do what you have to do! Unfortunately, I never ran into either of them.

I was out there because one of my best friends got married. I played football in college with him. He has been in LA for about 7 years now and is a regular on the LA comedy scene. He had his wedding in Long Beach. Following, is my account of how I narrowly made it back one night alive.

Thursday night, we stayed in LB and went out there. We went out after the rehearsal, which gave us a late start. We met up with another guy we played football with and one of his friends. We also had another person with us that was in the wedding party for a total of 5.

We started out at a nice little Irish Pub. We enjoyed several adult beverages, but quickly left this location for a more "upbeat" spot.

We ended up at a little Salsa bar. This bar had 2 parts - downstairs was a bar/restaurant and upstairs was a dance club. We went in to the downstairs area, as you had to be on a list to get in upstairs.

It was my idea to go in this club, as I was looking for somewhere to use the bathroom, and this place seemed like the kinda bar I would not mind Droppin' a Deuce in.

So we went in, my friends went to the bar, and I went to checkout the facilities. About 10 minutes in, one of my friends came in to tell me that we were leaving and they would wait outside for me. About 10 minutes later, I was done dropping the kids off at the pool, and headed outsite.

I go outside and there is a large crowd starting to form....and who do I find in the middle of all the commotion, but my friends. Now, my friend has told me tales of what I am about to tell you.....trips to the VIP room, free drinks, you know, the star treatment, but I had never seen it in person. You see, my friend that got married bares a striking resemblance to Jamie Foxx. So, there were several on-lookers trying to catch a glimpse of Mr. Foxx. There was also a sharply dressed man ($5000 suit, stunning girl on his arm, and a full pose of his own), who I was told was trying to get us to come to the upstairs club as his guest.

From what I was told, my friend tried to tell these people he was NOT Jamie Foxx, but they refused to believe him. So, after a few minutes, we decided to play along. As I said earlier, this is something that I have never witnessed, but was told happens quite a bit. I, along with the other guy that I knew from college, played the role of Jamie's security detail. Before we agreed to go into the club, security (me) had to go in and make sure it was safe.....back exit and what not.

After my trip inside, things were declared safe. I am surprised they did not call us out then and there, as I chose to gawk at all the beautiful women salsa dancing, instead of doing my "job."

Here's where I became a slightly uneasy about our little hoax. The sharply dressed man was clearly either a Drug Lord and/or Mob Kingpin. So, this guy pays all of our ways in ($100), buys us several rounds of drinks ($200), and we go directly to the VIP section. His girlfriend ends up begging to dance with Jamie, so he agrees.

Now, I do not have a lot of experience with drug dealers or the mob. However, as I've stated before, I watch way too much TV, and I've seen enough to know that people have gotten whacked for less than $300. Let alone the disrespect that I'm sure he would have perceived by our "lies" and inappropriate dancing with his GF.

I decided it was time to go when Tony Montana's goons started questioning me about how we knew their "boss." So, I rounded to troops up, Mr. Foxx graciously said his goodbyes, and we left.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful.....well not really, but you know what they say.....what happens in Long Beach stays in Long Beach!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Tom Foolery

2006-11-11T13:10:00.000-05:00

Well the LA trip is going well. One more day out here.

The wedding was last night. Best Man speech went well.

We've gone out the past few nights and the $20 covers and $13 drinks are not being too kind to my budget.

I met Aiesha Tyler and that guy from the sprint commercial where he can only get reception while on top of a filing cabinet.

I hope to stalk some more celebrities tonight, as we are going to Sky Bar, which is supposed to be very upscale.

I have some other material from this weekend, but will post later. Just a little teaser.....tune in to hear how I almost got wacked by the Cubian mafia.....no, I am not kidding.

Baba Ganoush, OUT

Fun with Delta Customer Service

2006-11-05T23:08:00.000-05:00

I can certainly procrastinate with the best of them! I have a trip to L.A. this week for a wedding I am in. I've known about this trip for about a year, but only recently started looking at flights.

When I first started looking, direct flights were around $300. I decided to wait just a little longer. Well, a mere 4 days later, the direct flights had gone up to $1000 and flights with 1 stop were $700.

Alright.....better take some action! I live in Cincinnati, and was told that flights out of Dayton, which is about 45 minutes away, are a lot cheaper. Upon further review, a flight with 1 stop to LAX out of Dayton was only $400. Here's the thing - the 1 stop is in Cincinnati.

So, I start booking the $400 flight out of Dayton with 1 stop in Cinci. Halfway through, I decided to call Delta, and thus begins the downward spiral.

Here is an account of my conversation:

Annoying "Customer Service" Lady: Thanks for calling Delta, how may I help you?
(I have every reason to believe A"CS"L has been speaking English for about 1 week)

Baba Ganoush: I live in Cincinnati and am going to LA. I am looking at a flight from Dayton to Cincinnati to LA. Do I have to drive all the way to Dayton, or can I just show up in Cincinnati and go to LA?

A"CS"L: No, sir, you have to check-in in Dayton.

BG: Why.

A"CS"L: That's just our policy.

BG: You do realize making me fly from Dayton costs Delta money? Someone to check me in. Handling my bags. Plus all the peanuts that I'll eat (I actually didn't go to the peanut reasoning).

A"CS"L: .....

BG: Okay, can I at least just not take the final leg to Dayton on the way back home?

A"CS"L: No, you have to fly back to Dayton.

BG: What's to stop me from just not getting on the plane in Cincinnati and going home?

A"CS"L: Your bags would be in Dayton.

BG: I will just carry them on and go home from Cincinnati (I realize this isn't getting me anywhere).

BG: The lady that I was talking to before said you could get me a better rate than what was online?

A"CS"L: Yes, let me see what I can get for you.....Looks like I can get you from Dayton to LA for......$800.

BG: I was halfway through booking for $400 before I wasted all this time talking to you.

A"CS"L: Sir, the rates are constantly changing.

BG: Are you seriously telling me that the rate went up $400 in the past 5 minutes?!?!?

A"CS"L: Let me check again for you.....Looks like the current rate is $800.

BG: I am still online and halfway through booking for $400!

A"CS"L: It is now $800. The rates are constantly changing.

BG: .....

A"CS"L: .....

BG: Is there someone else that I can talk to?

A"CS"L: Yes, I can get you a manager.

While waiting for the manager, I ended up just completing my $400 booking. The manager was actually very nice. We had a nice conversation about the fact that I was driving to Dayton to take a $400 flight to LA, which would take me through Cincinnati and ultimately on the $1000 1-way flight.

So now my travel is all set. Now I have to figure out what in the hell I am going to say for my best man speech. I really do not know the bride very well, so I am really having quite a bit of trouble coming up with something. Maybe I'll just indulge in multiple adult beverages and see what happens. Too much pressure.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

How Pets Think.....

2006-11-01T09:48:00.000-05:00

Once again, Happy Hump Day! Halloween was in the end, pretty uneventful. I took Little Dude around the neighborhood to get candy. He was a little apprehensive at first, but once he grasped the concept that people were giving him candy, I had to drag him home. And trying to explain to a 2 year old that they cannot have ALL the candy they just collected, is not an easy task.

This week seems like it is flying by. Here's a mid-week joke. I promise, it is funny. Well, maybe not for the dog lovers. However, the cats lovers will really like it. Enjoy!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is
the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
Their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try
this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and
repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to
vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body,
In attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try
to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and
condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not
working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no
good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however
it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick
minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the
piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I Was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could
hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they
call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement
was due to MY power of allergies." Must learn what this is and
how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than
happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the
other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I
can wait, it is only a matter of time...

Halloween Rules of Engagement

2006-10-31T09:35:00.000-05:00

I have very fond memories of Halloween. Dressing up, trick or treating, being allowed to stay out a little later than I normally was allowed.

This is a FUN holiday. Traditionally a children's holiday, it has gained a lot of popularity with adults, which is great. Last night during Monday Night Football, the cheerleaders were dressed up. This morning before I went to work, the guys from Mike and Mike in the morning were dressed up.

Everyone dresses up. I embrace this.....So how could such a fun holiday piss me off? Lemme tell ya!!!

Here are some simple rules I would recommend when contemplating your trick or treating strategy:

Please do not be the greedy kid that demands more candy, despite the fact that a line is now forming behind you. Take your 3 pieces (yep, I'm givin 3) and move to the side!
Please do not come back to my house for seconds. Even if you think you have cleverly disgusted yourself with some minor costume adjustment. I would rather have you violate rule #1.
I think trick or treating is a neighborhood activity. I have no problem with kids coming in from other neighborhoods, but don't be That Family that spends all night driving around to different neighborhoods. I saw this all too often when I lived in Wisconsin. Remember this is for fun! It is NOT a charity event.
Children of all ages should participate in Halloween in some fashion, however, if your child is too young to eat candy - Do NOT be That Parent, who carries them around asking for candy for the baby. We both know the candy is for you. Let's just not go there.
Please, I beg of you, do not be My-Baby-is-in-the-Car-This-Sack-is-for-her Lady. You are unacceptable, and should be prepared to present said baby upon request.
I am not sure what the age cut-off for trick or treating should be. I am not even sure if there needs to be one. If you put some thought and effort into your costume, I can respect that and you are worthy of a Kit Kat. Just don't be Mr. I-Threw-On-a-Hat and am-a-Baseball-Player Guy. That's Busch League. At least go home, cut some holes in your mom's good sheets, and come as a ghost. At least I can respect the risk you took.

See, not that bad. Just a few common sense rules. Unfortunately, most people do not have common sense.

So, for those of you out there that are having trouble grasping this concept, here are a few visual aids.

While I can respect a Matrix and a Sports reference, this will just not get it done. Please obtain the sheet that we talked about.

While these might not be accepted by the masses in most neighborhoods, they meet my criteria, so jump in line, here comes your Milky Way, Milk Duds, and Jolly Rancher.

How You Doin'? Anytime I can work in a Janelle Pierzina reference, it will be so. We love you Janie! If you come to my house dressed as a Naughty Maid, you will receive 4 pieces of candy.

If Janelle comes to my house, she will receive a special treat.....get your mind out of the gutter, remember, I am NOT a Deviant!

So there you have it. Have a Happy Halloween, and about all else, Have Fun!!!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Everything you always wanted to know, but were afraid to ask.....

2006-10-31T00:14:00.000-05:00

Well, it is officially Halloween, so HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I've been really busy, so not much time to post. Here is something I saw on someone's blog awhile back. Just some random questions that might give you a clue as to what goes on in my melon. Enjoy.

1. FIRST NAME.
Jason
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No, Jason means “healer” – my mom had dreams of me being a doctor.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
On a long drive I recently took by myself. I had 12 hours alone with just my cd collection. Some things I had not listened to in awhile that took me back.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
No, it’s gotten sloppy over the years. I guess that’s the doctor in me!
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Rare Roast Beef
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I think so. I am sure I would think I’m a nice guy. Plus, I have a problem spending money, so I’d probably treat myself to a lot of gifts.
7. DO YOU JOURNAL?
No, just this blog, which is not really much of a journal.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I am very afraid of heights, so probably no. I had a chance in Vegas when I was in college, but turned it down.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Fruity Pebbles
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yeah, they usually land close to each other…..I have pretty good aim.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Yeah. I played football for years, and still have a bit of “jock” in me.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
14. SHOE SIZE?
Size 14.
15. FAVORITE COLOR?
Red
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Nothing, I love me some me! Seriously though, I am not good with money, never have been. Damn good thing my wife is.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My Grandpa. I grew up not knowing my dad. My mom and I lived with my grandparents until I was 10. He was like…..no, he was a father to me.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
No. If you blog, post it…..I’ll check it out.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Silver shorts and no shoes. I wear shorts year round. Even in the middle of winter. I just crank up the heat….there’s that fiscal responsibility.
20. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Whole Wheat Pasta with Ground Turkey in Pesto Sauce.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Sportscenter on ESPN…..Monday night football just ended.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Maroon.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Anything freshly baked and the smell of a new car.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Evil Spock.
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO.
Their Lips. I am definitely a lip-guy.
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Found it on someone’s blog, and shamelessly “borrowed” it.
27. FAVORITE DRINK?
Water.
28. FAVORITE SPORT?
Definitely Football.
29. EYE COLOR?
Hazel.
30. HAT SIZE?
7.5
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No, I had lasik a few years ago.
32. FAVORITE FOOD?
A good ribeye.
33.SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Scary movies.
34. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Black.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter. I hate it when it gets too cold, but I love the snow.
36. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kisses. They are universal. A kiss on the cheek of a friend. A kiss on the forehead of a child. A kiss on the lips for your significant other. A kiss somewhere else for your lover.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Apple pie ala mode.
38. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Books????? Blogs are the only thing I read.
39. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It’s just a plain black one.
40. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV?
Desperate Housewives.
41. FAVORITE SOUNDS?
When my 2 year old sees me and says, “Daddy’s Here, Daddy’s Here!”
42. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles. Mostly because of John Lennon.
43. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME.
Mayan Riviera in Mexico.
44. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT?
I seem to get along with most people, and I can generally calm tense situations down.
45. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Wooster, Ohio.
46. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
I already said, I borrowed it from someone.
47. NEWEST THING YOU'VE TRIED?
Organic Eggs.
48. ONE THING YOU'D CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF.
I would like to be 2 inches taller. Well, not anymore, but it would have come in handy when I was trying out for NFL scouts.
49. WHO DID YOU LAST SEND A CARD OR LETTER TO?
My mom’s birthday was last month, and I sent her a card.
50. WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT IF MONEY WERE NO OBJECT?
Italy.

People Never Cease to Amaze Me.....

2006-10-27T09:10:00.000-05:00

My plan was to post something tonight, you know, so I could actually be productive at work tomorrow. But alas, I could think of nothing to present to the masses.

I was certain no one wanted to hear of my plans to attend a pumpkin carving party this weekend. Also, most don't care who I have on bye in the land of pretend football.

What to do. My search of the internet came up with nothing. Well there was this one site with midgets, I mean little people, whip cream, and weiner dogs.....but that's certainly nothing blog-worthy.

I even looked at The Buzz Log to see what information the world was seeking out. Here are the Top Leaders:

1) Halloween Costumes - Very interesting and relavant current event, however, I have no real stance on this, nor will I make one up.

2) Shakira - One of the Top 10 most attractive people in the world, as rated by your's truly. Still other than talking about her hips and what she would do to a man in bed (which, by the way, would be amazing), nothing really exciting here.

3) Britney Spears - Yet another member of the Top 10. Although her recent antics (K-Fed, Bad Dye Jobs, Trailer Park behavior, etc) have dropped her to #10. If one more foolish thing comes out of her "husband's" mouth, she will be permanently booted from the list. Again though, nothing here.

4) Beyonce Knowles - I have no problem with nose jobs, fake boobs, lip plumping, etc. However, if you have something fake on you (specifically something that adds a lot to your image) and you can remove it from your person, like, oh YOUR HAIR, you will not be in the Top 10 and I certainly won't have anything to say about you!

5) WWE - I refuse to to watch wrestling until The Rock comes back. Just for the record, the Rock is just barely out of the Top 10. I could probably blog about The Rock, but my sexuality would most likely come into question. Yes, I smell what you are cook'n Rocky!!!

6) Jessica Simpson - I got sucked into watching Newlyweds on MTV. Let's just say I am definetly on Team Lachey. She is a moron! Not wasting time on her.

7) Dancing With The Stars - As a former college football player, I cannot promote former NFL greats whoring themselves out for a few bucks. Surely you guys could get on NFL Countdown.....Michael Irvin makes an ass of himself every week.

8) Paris Hilton - Paris is an interesting person.....actually, no she isn't! Enough said!

Alas, Yahoo Buzz Index had let me down. Where to turn???

I had forgotten 1 very important variable.....PEOPLE ARE STUPID, and the news was getting ready to start. So, I present to you:

Woman Falls From Car During Accident

I've changed the names in the story to protect the stupid.

Oct 26, 2006 09:24 AM

Police say a passenger fell out of a car this morning in Clermont County.

According to police, 53-year-old Mary Moron was riding in a 1985 Chevorlet Monte Carlo being driven by 22-year-old David Dumbass of Batavia.

Police say that Dumbass lost control of the car while changing lanes while driving on U.S.-52 and hit another car.

During the collission, the duct tape holding the door closed wasn't strong enough to hold Moron, who wasn't wearing a seat belt, in the car.

Moron fell from the car and onto the road.

After the wreck, Dumbass fled the scene and left Moron there.

Police caught up with Dumbass later and he was arrested.

Moron was transported to University Hospital where she is being treated for serious injuries.

Dumbass has been charged with drunk driving, driving on a suspended license and failure to control.

No one else was hurt in the accident which occurred around eight on Wednesday night.

Seriously, I know I ask this a lot, but.....What in the HELL is wrong with people?

You don't neccessarily need to have a college degree. You don't even need a GED. Just please people, try to live your life with some extent of common sense. If you do not know what this is, please stop everything you are doing, visit the link provided, and educate yourself. If you are unable to grasp the concept of "Common Sense," as presented by our friends at Wikipedia, please find your smartest friend and ask him to help decipher the definition. If none of your friends are smarter than you, then you are destined to go through life a moron.

That's all I have to say about that.....

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

It's HUMP Day.............

2006-10-25T11:15:00.000-05:00

Happy Hump Day Everyone.

I was reading some older stuff and realized that I've gotten off track to some degree at times about what I intended this blog to be. For those of you that have not had the proper introduction:

I'm NOT a Deviant, nice to meet you.....

The link is to my very first blog, and is a brief intro as to why I am here.

Also for fun, I present to you, the 2006 Hoagie Weblog Awards.

Heather Anne Hogan has put together some fine gift bag offerings, including money, candy, and some sort of metallic gold turkey (a great re-gift).

She is currently taking submissions for:

Friendliest Blog

Super Best Writing

Cleverest Commenter

Best Blog Written by a Heather

Hilarious-est Blog

Blogger Who Should be President

Visit Heather's site and submit someone or even yourself for a category. Feel free to submit me for Funniest Blog (have you heard the one about Killer Coke.....oh nevermind).

Anyway, should be fun and maybe you can score some cash out of it.

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Road Rage.....

2006-10-23T08:12:00.000-05:00

So, I had to privilege of spending 12 hours driving within a 24 hour period. I must say that by the time I got home I was NOT a happy camper.

Assuming the speed limit is 65 mph on a 3 lane highway......If you are the guy that insists on going 65 (ON THE NOSE) in the far left lane, and WILL NOT MOVE OVER when cars are lined up behind you, please pay attention!

Here are some simple rules to drive by that will potentially save yourself from an incident, if you are ever driving in front of someone that is a little more off the deep end than myself.

Despite the fact that you may feel you are going fast enough for the big boy lane, YOU ARE NOT!!! The far left lane is for those drivers going 70 - 90. Anything over 90, and you are just going too fast.
The middle lane is for driving 60 - 70. Those driving between 60 - 65 should seriously consider the far right lane. Admission to the left lane should only be sought in an effort to pass someone that should be in the right lane. In this instance, however, passing on the right should be the first option.
The far right lane is for driving 50 - 60. Honestly though, if you are driving in this lane and going under 55, you should consider an alternate scenic route (one of the 2 lane variety) or immediately get you car looked at because YOUR SHIT IS BROKE!!!
When all else fails, and you can only remember 1 thing, please make it rule #4!!! If driving in the left lane, and someone approaches you from behind, who is driving faster than yourself, PLEASE MOVE TO THE RIGHT!!! This is no reflection on your manhood and your cruise control WILL work again.

I will say that I need a speeding ticket. I have only had 1 ticket in my life (funny story btw - involved college buddy, my Ford Ranger and 2 girls in a convertible Mustang)......anyway.....1 ticket in my life. I attribute that to a system that I have developed over the years (no radar devices involved). Maybe another post to follow on that. This past weekend I tried to go slower than 80 in a 70, but I just could not do it.

Alright, I think that's all I have to say about that!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!!!

Johnny Cakes

2006-10-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

Just a quick follow up to this recipe post. I made these a few weekends ago. They turned out pretty well. Here is a pic. My photo skills and presentation are a little lacking, so please forgive me.

A little story behind my first recipe post. As a big fan of The Sopranos and someone who likes to eat, I was curious as to what Johnny Cakes were. They must be a powerful aphrodisiac to drive a wise guy into the arms of another man.

During last season, they were described simply as pancakes made with corn meal.

I decided to make them for some friends that were in town, and after some Internet discovery, I found there were many different versions of Johnny Cakes, none of which seemed like "pancakes made with corn meal." Descriptions ranged from donut-like to just like corn bread. Preparation ranged from baking to deep frying. Origins ranged from Jamaica to Colonial times.

So, I took parts of a few recipes, added some things of my own, and came up with what I thought would taste like "pancakes made with corn meal." I must say, they turned out pretty well. Here you go.

Johnny Cakes:

2 Cups Ground Corn Meal

1 teaspoon of Salt

4 tablespoons of Unsalted Butter

1 C Milk

2 tablespoons of Boiling Water

1 Egg

2 tablespoons of Oil

Other ingredients - Sugar, Vanilla Extract, and Pancake Mix (that you just add water to)

Directions:

Add corn meal, salt, and butter together and cream in large bowl.

Combine the milk, water, oil, and egg to corn meal mixture.

Add sugar and vanilla to your personal taste.

Use the pancake mix to firm mixture up to your preference. You could probably use additional corn meal, but I found the pancake mix helps to add some fluff to the finished product.

Cook on a hot non-stick skillet. You will have to cook a little longer than pancakes on the 1st side, before turning.

Finished Johnny Cakes should have a nice browned golden color. Serve with maple syrup or your favorite topping.

Johnny Cakes are more filling than pancakes, so plan accordingly. I'll post a pick this weekend after I make another batch. If you try them, let me know what you think.

Enjoy!!!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Please make it stop.....................

2006-10-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

Mark Foley

Dennis Hastert

Dubya.....

Someone please make it all stop.

I just wanted to listen to a little sports talk radio. Was listening to the Dan Patrick show on ESPN radio, and they are talking about what Rush Limbaugh said about Alex P. Keaton.

I need a break from it all. Sounds like they are done. Now let's talk about steroids for a few hours - GREAT!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Lil' Dude

2006-10-18T10:10:00.000-05:00

So, this entry is a big step for this blog. First and foremost, I'm posting pictures of my kids, which is something I wasn't sure I was going to do.

I am stealing shamelessly from Evil Spock. Jones Soda Co. is running a program where ordinary people submit ordinary photos that could get selected to appear on their bottles. If you've never had Jones Soda, do yourself a favor, and go get some. I recommend their Cream Soda!

Vote Here:

I was going to post a picture of myself, but at press time for this post, my agent had not worked out the legals for using my image with the Jones Soda Co.

Here are the pictures that I narrowed it down to.

Like father, like son. We recently started potty training and it didn't take long for him to understand what potty time is all about! I didn't use this one though. I wasn't sure the people at Jones would get the humor.

This has always been one of my favorite pictures of my little guy. It is his 9 mo. picture. I seriously considered using this one (most likely in B/W, as I have that too), but 1 problem. Technically, we do not own the rights to the picture, which is one of the requirements for submission. Oh, well, I still like this one!

I really like this one as well. This is my son's 18 mo. pic and my daughter was 6 mo. He has always been pretty good with her (aside from a few trains to the melon and 1 forehead biting incident). This picture took no prompting, he just planted one and the photographer timed it just right. Hopefully, they will always get along this well. Yeah, right! Again though, this one is not ours.

Here is the picture that I ended up using. Not the best of the lot in my opinion, but still pretty cute. This one is from this past summer. He had been outside playing in the pool, and took a break to come inside, kept his shades on and found his nuk.

If you have time, go and vote! Pretty fun. Let me know if you post a picture and I'll go and vote too.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

2006-10-16T11:41:00.000-05:00

What in the hell is the world coming to? Alright, let me take a step back. Mornings at my house can be hectic, with 2 kids and needing to get ready for work. So, to combat this issue, our kids watch TV in our room while we are getting ready.

We generally watch TLC, which has a wholesome offering of educational children's programming. My daughter is too young to really care about anything other than bottles, diaper changes, and throwing up on Dad. However, my son has some very clear favorite things to watch.

He is very militant about his "choo-choo." Do not try to turn his choo-choo when he is watching it, do not try to take off his choo-choo when he is wearing it, and please, under no circumstances, try to take his choo-choo while he is playing with it.

I will say that Thomas The Train will hold my attention while we are watching it, I do not mind him wearing Thomas, and I actually enjoy building tracks with him.

Coming in at a distant 2nd would be Elmo. While I find Elmo a tad bit annoying, I will tolerate him because he is very kid-friendly, and will hopefully teach my little ones something along the way.

Elmo was probably one of the first noticeable words that my son brought home from daycare.

Oh yeah, back to TLC - neither of those 2 shows are on TLC in the mornings. Generally, the way the mornings work are this - my wife showers, while I lay in bed still waking up as I give my daughter a bottle of milk and my son has his juice-water mixture in his sippy cup, as they watch TLC.

A few weeks ago, I was about 10 minutes into this routine, when I hear - "When I say Hip Hop, you say Harry! Hip Hop! Harry! Hip Hop! Harry!" What the hell is going on! I force my still-shut eyes open to see this.

That's right, a rapping, medallion wearing, kicks sporting, hat tilted to the side bear!!! Harry's not really the cool sort of hip hop bear like 2Pac, Flava Flav (not the Flava of Love Flav, but the PE Flav), or Biz Markie would be. He's more like a Vanilla Ice, Markie Mark, 3rd Bass kind of rapping bear.

After the intro song, Harry went into his next set - What's tha name ya need ta know - Roy G Biv!" No, I am not kidding. The show ended with a dance line, where Harry, and some of his homies show off their dance moves.

I guess I should look at the bright side of things. Not only will my kids know how to dance at a very young age, they'll also go to kindergarten with a healthy grasp of Ebonics.

I give up.

Baba Ganoush - OUT!!!

2006-10-15T21:08:00.000-05:00

This post is in response to an entry I found on Evil Spock's blog. It references a recent ruling against Coca Cola, in which they were accused of:

Coca-Cola bottlers “contracted with or otherwise directed paramilitary security forces that utilize extreme violence and murdered, tortured, unlawfully detained or otherwise silenced trade union leaders."

Oh, BTW, they were found, not guilty.

Here is my rant on the subject, which I feel very strong about, as posted in ESs comments.

This post is rubbish. I read this poor-excuse for a website, and any charges that were brought against Coca-Cola were dismissed, nuff said. To honestly think that someone in Coca-Cola's Atlanta based headquarters signed off on something like this is ridiculous.

I get tired of reading crap like this. Large companies like Coke, Pepsi, Frito Lay, Proctor and Gamble, GE, General Mills, Anheiser Busch, etc are part of the reason we are what we are as a country.

If you do not like their products, do not purchase and/or consume them. Spending time trying to bash them annoys me. Everyone has a choice. All of these companies offer a low-fat, calorie free, and/or otherwise, healthy alternative to full calorie offerings.

If you want to live in a country without home grown global companies like the ones mentioned, move to Russia.

These are the same people that spend all of their time complaining about our country and our government. Do us all a favor, spend some time bettering yourself and improving your life.

If for some reason someone gets in the white house next term that I do not approve of (not that I approve of the current situation), I am not going to shut my life down for 4-8 years and complain about how bad things are.

I am sick and tired of all this anti-establishment crap.

Normally, I would not just link to someone's post and run with it, but I really felt like someone needed to stick up for the man. As I stated in my very first post, I am very anti-antiestablishment.

That's all I have to say about this!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

The Good Ole Days

2006-10-15T03:20:00.000-05:00

I seem to find myself reminiscing about the "good old days" a lot. Either it's getting together with old friends, looking at some old photos that take me back, or just remembering a time when things were simpler.

Here's where I have the problem. Most of the times I think about are from when I was 18-30ish. 10 years from now, am I going to look at 30-40, and say those were the good old days?

If so.......

Great! I have things a lot more together than I ever had them before, which should make for some mighty fine good old days.

If not......

That sucks. Are the best years of my life truly behind me?

Where I get caught up thinking about things now, is that I am constantly looking for that moment. That moment that 10 years from now, I will look back on and say wow!

This excludes things like marriage, births, etc. I 'm purely being selfish here. I'm talking about events that effect #1 - ME!!!

I don't know? Maybe all "my" moments are gone. Maybe all "my" moments, are now "our" moments. Moments that I will have with my family. If that's the case, I have certainly had some good ones, and I will never feel like I lost out on any experiences. It still makes me feel a little melancholy.

On another note, I am not sure where this blog is headed. I can come on here and post crap about Lost and Survivor, but quite frankly, it is a lot of work. It seems like lately I have been using this as a means to vent, which I know a lot of bloggers do. It's very therapeutic. I really do not have a lot of problems in my life, but the ones I perceive to have, I dwell on them and obsess over them, and they become consuming.

I'll just keep rambling, and we'll see where this journey ends up. Good night to all and to all a good night.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

2006-10-13T15:17:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday the 13th!!! If you've been keeping up with my blogs, you probably know that I am afraid of a few things. Most would probably think that I hate scary movies, but that's not the case.

One of the reasons I love this time of year is for all the scary movies that are on. Not really the modern day crap, but the old stuff. My favorite scary movie of all time, or at least the one I love at this time of year is Halloween. Halloween II is actually very good as well. So, curl up on the couch with your favorite warm beverage and a blanket and enjoy a nice evening courtesy of Michael Meyers.

So, enjoy yourself, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

2006-10-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

Here's another poem. Again, I put the disclaimer on these, that I wrote them long ago, and some are not very complex in their content and/or context.

Also, some were written as jokes. Others were written straight from the heart and represent how I was feeling at the time. I'll let you sort all that out.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Please Forgive Me

I am so sorry for all that I have done to you. Can you please forgive me?
You were always the lucky one of the group. Everyone always admired you.
So many times, you were in the perfect position. Nothing could go wrong.
But it did, and I was always there holding the blame. Can you please forgive me?
Your hopes, your dreams, your goals, always within reach. All you had to do was take action.
But I was always the one, who would pull you away. Can you please forgive me?
So many people that cared, were always on your side. Everywhere you went, someone knew your name.
But you left it up to me, and now most are gone. Can you please forgive me?
Your future was wide open. Like piece of clay, which could take any shape.
You put that clay in my hands, and I let you down. Can you please forgive me?
I remember, people would tell you that you had beautiful eyes, as they became lost in them.
Now, clouded with tears, all I can see is the tale of the long life you have endured.
Looking into your eyes, I get lost in the pain and disappointment that I have caused.
If I had one dying wish, it could only be, that this reflection of mine would please forgive me!!!

2006-10-10T15:23:00.000-05:00

Thank goodness that today is over. All in all, not a great day.

Found a grey hair. Just one, but it had been growing for awhile, as it was pretty long. It will surely spread :(
Had to cut the grass. I told myself the last time, I would NOT do it anymore due to spiders, snakes, and grasshoppers (yeah, I know, but when there are thousands of them, it's an issue). I made calls to some landscaping companies (yes, I'm going to be that-guy, who pays to have his lawn cut - again, mostly because of the savage beasts that inhabit my backyard), but no one called me back, so I had to do it myself. I did not encounter any snakes this time, but I saw a giant spider and was nearly taken down by an aggressive pack of grasshoppers.

I am now off to the great land of cheese.....That's right baby, Wisconsin!!! We moved from there about 6 months ago, and I'm looking forward to seeing some of my old friends, one of whom, now owns his own wine store. It might snow, so wish me luck

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

2006-10-10T12:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally figured out how to extract WordPerfect files into MS Word, which means I now have access to some of the poems I wrote A LONG TIME AGO. Let's just say, I remember them being A LOT better. But, I said I would post them, so here they are.

Reading them now, they seem very juvenile, both in content and context. Just keep in mind that I wrote them when I was just 21 yo. Here are two of them. Here are two basic love sonnets. Very basic, but were meant to be funny.

I'll post my favorite one tomorrow, since these two were so bad. Cute back in the day, but just terrible now. Maybe, I'll at least get a chuckle out of you?

Baba Ganoush - OUT!

Love Sonnet #1

Oh how I love a tender juicy steak.
With corn, peas, and a potato, all on the side.
A thousand miles, I would surely ride
For a well-done steak, that would make you quake.
Where’s my beef, keep that cake.
Grilled, baked, or fried, they’ve all been tried.
As my favorite, grilled and baked are tied.
A hefty weight gain, this will surely make.
I’ll have to go to the SRSC everyday.
I’ll lift, run, and even play basketball.
If I’m still too heavy, I’ll go for a swim.
From this sequence, I’ll never stray.
Eat steak, then exercise, that’s all.
I love to eat steak, it’s just a whim.

Love Sonnet #2

Wow is she beautiful. I think I can
Introduce myself, sooner or later.
I’ll love her forever, never hate her.
She’s perfect with her golden tan.
Tall and slender, she must eat her bran.
It’s that time, we couldn’t be closer,
Kissing and caressing, it can only get better.
Wait, oh my God, my dream girl’s a man.
Up I jumped, I tried to play it off.
I felt weird, a man I had kissed.
I had to leave, I didn’t feel well.
Well, uh, doh, I could only cough.
If this gets out, I’ll be pissed.
I hope she, well he, doesn’t tell.

2006-10-09T13:20:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday Everyone!!! Don't know why, but I am in a GREAT mood today! Thought this would be something fun to do on a Monday. If you decided to try it too, shoot me a comment, so I can check yours out. I tried a few different photos. Some of the results were just comical. Don't know where Claudia Schiffer came from, but I can probably use it at some point - as a conversational piece!

Have a great day!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

2006-10-06T14:50:00.000-05:00

Hey guys,

Quick Question: What's the politically correct way to link someone? Do I need to ask? Do I just do it? Do I have to offer a sacrifice? A little help - send me an email or leave me a comment.

Have a great weekend.

Baba Ganoush

2006-10-06T12:28:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm still one episode behind with Survivor (I really don't know why I keep watching this show).

Not much to say about this episode. Cecelia (the 29 yo Technology Risk Consultant - What the HELL is that anyway?) was sent home, which is a shame. She was cute, even though she reminded me of those twins from Sister Sister (Tia and Tamera Mowry), who I really don't care for!

Well, they did grow up to be very attractive young ladi------NOPE, still annoying. And that's hard to do in a picture like this. Oh well, where was I.

I also thought it was a BIG mistake for Yul to tell anyone that he found the immunity idol.

As I watched the episode, I was very happy that Parvati got a lot of camera time. She has become the "flirt" of the show, which is fine by me, because she has a beautiful smile.

I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but for the most part, girls are not like Parvati anymore. Girls are not this bubbly and pleasant. I notice that a lot of women are colder and less willing to smile and let their beauty show.

Heck, even my wife walks around the house with a scowl on her face a lot. It's not like her husband isn't doing all he can to help her out in between work, video games, travel, and a very heavy TV schedule (yeah, I know).

A lot of theories were swirling around in my head, and then it hit me. I only had to look within Survivor.

Now I know this does not apply to everyone, but when a girl cannot even make a kind comment and give a little smile to a someone without him turning into Psycho-Stalker Guy, there is a problem.

There is nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting. So, Mr. Did You See How She Looked at Me Guy, please knock it off, you're screwing it up for the rest of us.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!!!

2006-10-05T13:00:00.000-05:00

Episode 1: "A Tale of Two Cities"

Season 3 opens up with a familiar scene, the opening of an eye, and the introduction of a new character - Juliet.

Juliet is listening to the song "Downtown," which I hear is a classic break-up song, while she is preparing to have guests over for a book club.

During the book club, we find out from one of the guests, that a man named Ben would never have selected Stephen King's Carrie.

We later find out that Ben is actually Henry Gale.

I believe that he was either married to or involved with Juliet. However, they are obviously on the outs, as indicated by his comments of - "I guess this means I'm not in the book club anymore," when he sees her after the plane crash. His cause was not helped much when he told Jack to go ahead and kill her and then locked her in the hatched with Jack to die.

We learned last season that The Dharma Initiative is a group of scientists and free thinkers in a communal compound who study meteorology, psychology, parapsychology, zoology, electromagnetism, and utopian social something.

I think that Juliet is a Psychologist, who is being charged with breaking Jack down and gaining his trust. Most of the time she is talking to him she has her head tilted to the side and is talking in a soothing tone - classic Psch 101 tricks to gain trust and seem non-threatening. I don't think she likes doing this, and may eventually be someone who helps Jack escape. Right before the noise that drives them all outside, she sarcastically tells the book club, that it was "silly of her to think that free-will still existed on this" island.

We also see a little bit of Kate. Ben tells her that the next few weeks will be unpleasant. And when she is taken to the cage, her wrists are pretty raw from the cuffs, and Zeke makes the comment - "they roughed you up pretty good." Who are they? And what did they do to Kate?

Not much with Sawyer in this episode. He is in a cage, which were learn was used in the past for the polar bears. The cage he is in tests your ability to solve a puzzle to get food - more experiments.

We also learn that it was Jack who sent his father on his deadly Australian binge.

Where are all the children that were taken? I think they are at a different bunker undergoing different tests.

In the past many people have talked about The Sickness (see the note to the CDC). I think this sickness is real and this has something to do with why Jack, Sawyer, and Kate were taken. This is supported by Jack and Kate having their blood taken. We were not made aware of them taking Sawyer's blood, but this may be nothing other than he had a long sleeve shirt on, or it could explain why he was initially in a very different environment than the other two.

Finally, there is the evidence that The Others have communication with the outside world - they had a file on Jack. They may have access to the outside world, or this could again be a trick. When Juliet is first questioning Jack, she knows the answer to every question she asks him. Also, at the end of the episode when she reveals her "Jack File," she could have known all of that info as well. Keep in mind The Others had Ethan and Goodwin spying when the plane first went down. This info could have been gotten directly or through documents found in the wreckage. This is probably not the case, but let's keep this in mind when assuming The Others have an outside contact(s).

That's it for now. I will watch the episode again, and maybe update this. Let me know if you have any theories or comments. Please also keep in mind that I am often wrong and these are just my opinions :)

Baba Ganoush - OUT!

2006-10-05T11:30:00.000-05:00

Okay. Things have gone sideways with watching Survivor. If you are keeping score at home, I am no longer scratching my wife's back on this one. We are currently 1 episode in the hole, with another one on tomorrow. This show is dying a slow death for me.

On the last eipsode that we watched, I was truly disturbed. The Hispanic team decided they were better off with less people, and threw a challenge to vote off Virgilio "Billy" Garcia, the fun-loving jolly heavy metal guitarist from NYC. To be completely honest, I was not only outraged by this, but I also felt very sorry for Billy. Even though he had been a tad lazy at camp, he had done nothing wrong, other than not being as attractive or as cool as the rest of his tribe.

Then, in a turn that I never saw coming, Billy showed me once again, why this show is like a bad wreck that you can't look away from. Before the vote while at tribal council, Billy claimed that it was love at first sight between he and Candice Woodcock.

Now I am all for guys playing a little bit above the rim (Ross Gellar, George Costanza, Evil Spock, etc.), but come on Dawg, get a grip.

This was truly one of the worst displays I have ever seen. If only I could have reached into the TV and given this poor guy a hug.

If you didn't see it, Mr. Garcia (no relation) was 101% serious when he made these outlandish claims. Now that you're on the outside world, and if, for some odd reason, you're reading this - do yourself a favor - don't hold your breath waiting for true love, Playa!!!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!!!

2006-09-18T09:54:00.000-05:00

I normally don't approve of jokes that make men look like pigs, but hey, sometimes we are. This one is sort funny and hits home in a few areas. Enjoy.

Also, I will be in Denver all week, so I might not post that much. But, enjoy this week in TV-Land. It should be a good one.

Baba Ganoush - OUT!

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN
AT THE
"LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS"
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY
Monday, August 31, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?

Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PMfor 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PMfor 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PMfor 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost

Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PMfor 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

2006-09-15T14:06:00.000-05:00

Here's a pretty cool video if you are into video games, especially old school Nintendo. It references Nintendo's past and their new system - The Revolution (or the Wii for those up on their video game news). Deals mostly with their losing battles with Microsoft (Xbox) and Sony (Playstation).

The video is a little lengthy at 6m 11s. If you are not into games, don't waste your time. But if you are, FIND THE TIME, IT IS WELL WORTH IT.

Baba Ganoush - OUT.

Survivor Cook Islands

2006-09-15T14:00:00.000-05:00

Alright, so for you Survivor fans out there, last night was a big night. This season has gotten a lot of pub due to the way the tribes have been split - into ethnic groups (Caucasian, African American, Asian, and Hispanic).

A few things about my viewing of this show before we get started.

I do not necessarily like this show. As stated before, I watch A LOT of shows. I am generally pretty easily entertained, but I really watch this show as a "I'll scratch your back, if you scratch mine," sort of thing with my wife, which encourages her to watch shows with me that she normally would not (that's how I pulled her into Lost).

I'll do my best not to offend anyone. I felt a lot of stereotypes were perpetuated with this show before they put this year's spin on things, so things could get ugly.

If you're looking for in-depth Survivor posts, you might want to look elsewhere. I think Survivor is a good show, but for me, and the number of shows I watch, it got sent to the C-List several years ago.

My wife read there are 3 separate hook-ups this year, which will greatly enhance my viewing pleasure. I think we got a sneak peek at one of them tonight.

Candice and Parvati are my front-runners so far for who'll keep me glued to the TV for a blurred out nipple-slip or butt crack (Jessica's did not Git R Dun). Hopefully they'll make it far enough to get to that one physical challenge where a wrestling match breaks out and clothes inevitably fall off - yeah, you know the challenge I'm talking about.

The show comes to its climax as the African American team comes in last in the first challenge. While they do have to go to tribal council and send a member home, they are rewarded with the privilege of picking 1 person from any other team to go to "Exile Island."

After some deliberation, Nathan announces they are sending Jonathan, as payback for stealing a chicken from the Asian team. This is where things become confusing. (Jessica later "accidentally" let the chickens out. I think she did it on purpose - PETA loving Hippie Chick).

Before announcing the name, and after referencing the chicken rationale, Nathan makes a bold statement.

"Karma is a Bizzle," Nathan boasts in true Snoop-Dogg fashion.

Wait a minute, did he just say what I think he said? No, not the 26 yo LA native, who works in retail sales (fancy speak for works in a mall). Well, then again, even though it's played out, he might have said Bizzle - fo Shizzle. Better check the handy dandy closed caption.

"Karma is Abysmal," proclaims Nathan in true Simon Cowell fashion.

I have yet to decide which statement brings more personal shame on young Nathan. Hell, I'm not 100% sure what he even said? Anyone have any idea?

Needless to say, in the end, either his OG rant or his mastery of getting through the A's in his quest to learn bigger words, saved him from being sent home.

Poor Sekou was sent packing, despite his promises to build the grandest fire Survivor has ever witnessed. We bid a fond farewell to the 45 yo Jazz Musician/Recording Artist from LA.

And possibly the most annoying castaway - Cao Boi (no relation to Big Boi). He gave me a serious case of "Bad Wind," with his medicine man crap. In an effort to expand my mind and open up alternative medicine, I later tried this on my wife, and she was NOT happy. From the looks of next week's episode, Cao "BIG" Boi is annoying his fellow tribe-mates, with more poorly timed Asian jokes, offensive Asian jokes, and/or just not that funny Asian jokes.

Survivor Cook Islands promises to provide plenty of eye-candy (for you girls too), a lot of intense competition, and plenty of reasons for many groups to be proud of and cheer for their ethnic group.

However, there appears to also be ample injections of obnoxious stereotypical behavior, that will make us all feel just a little uncomfortable. Watching Sorority Girl, Alternative Hippie Nakomis Girl, Mr. Miyagi Guy, and Dominating Black Girl should captivate us week after week (much like our inability to look away from a bad wreck) just enough to keep coming back for the season's guiltiest pleasure.

Have fun, enjoy the season. There will be more interesting shows on soon - Hang in there.

Baba Ganoush - OUT.

2006-09-14T16:28:00.000-05:00

If you read my last post, my wife was fairly certain I was turning into scary basement blogging guy.

Since it's been 2 days and the FBI has not raided my house yet, I thought I'd show her my first blog.

She did not have much of a problem with things, accept (yeah, I know) for my spelling and grammar in a few spots. Needless to say, this was a WIN. I'll take that anyday, over the dirty looks that made me feel just as dirty.

I will say, though, that I usually pride myself on good spelling and grammar. However, I don't intend on proofreading every single line before I post something. If you are having problem, use context clues and FIGURE IT OUT. I am working on using less commas, and more abbreviations for everyone's sake.

I was going to put some of my poems on here for my next post, but when I went to get them off the 3.5, there was a problem. Apparently, back in the day, I was a big fan of WordPerfect. As soon as I can figure this little technical difficulty out, I'll post some work.

Baba Ganoush, over and OUT.

I'm NOT a Deviant, Nice to Meet You.....

2006-09-13T10:27:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this is my first blog, and the title's meaning is twofold :

A response to my wife's view on why people blog.
Why I am actually here.

So, my wife (who I love dearly (most of the time)) seems to think that EVERYONE, who blogs and/or uses sites like myspace is a DEVIANT, sexual or otherwise.

After far too much time spent trying to convince her that people who do these things are not deviants, I finally had to settle on - I'm NOT a Deviant, and I am going to blog. While I'm sure some people out here have their share of issues, I cannot except that EVERYONE out here is a DEVIANT, and I certainly am not.

Now, to some people, I'm sure I engage in behaviors that a number of you would consider deviant. And to others, those same behaviors would be just fine.

But for the purposes of this blog and my wife's current usage of the word, I'm NOT a Deviant!!!

I'll let you draw your own conclusions from here.

Okay, so why I am here?

What you WILL see:

General observations that I find humorous and want to know if you do to.
I would like to share information about Television shows - as busy as I am, I watch A LOT of TV (Lost, 24, Vanished, Justice, desperate Housewives, Sopranos, Surface, Invasion, Cold Case, How I Met Your Mother, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Big Brother, Survivor, Treasure Hunters, and The Amazing Race). I am also excited about a few new shows - Heroes, The Nine, and Six Degrees. You gotta love DVR!!!
I love movies, but with a busy family and work life, I do not get to go much, usually wait for the DVD, and thus behind the curve.
I love to cook, and I will share my recipes, and look to get some discussions going to get others to share theirs.
I will probably rant about things that annoy me, which some days, is just about everything.
I have written several un-published poems. I've been told they are good. At some point, I'll get your opinion.

What you WILL NOT see:

I will not waste any time on political issues. I am here to have fun, and sometimes that topic gets to be too serious with too many emotions, and I have enough drama in my life (yes, I know, most of it is on ABC).
I will not be ripping "The Establishment." In fact, I am probably Anti-antiestablishment. That's all I have to say about that - for now.
I will not be including too much info about my family. For now, let's leave it at this - I have 2 kids (1 boy & 1 girl), 2 cats (1 boy & 1 girl), and 1 wife (girl).

That's about it for now. I'll get this thing kicked off later in the week.

Later People - Baba Ganoush over and out.