Bung Holes, Alzheimers, and Tags

As you can see from the title, I plan to ramble just a tad.

Ramble Part I: First and foremost, my admission of not using toilet paper seems to have caused quite a stir. Therefore, I have decided clarify my stance on TP. I may even convert some of you to my lifestyle!

It all started when I was in college. As a typical guy (and occasional viewer of adult videos), I needed to be ready 24/7 (physically, logistically, and hygienically) for my next random sexual encounter (cause those things happen randomly all the time.....right? Whatever, I have video evidence that says otherwise!). Either way, better to be prepared, than to be caught funky at the library and have to turn down that sexy Tri-Delt for her proposed 8th floor midnight rendezvous because you are not "fresh."

So, I decided to take VERY good care of myself. A fresh haircut once a every 2 weeks. A new pair of shoes once every 6 months. I sometimes showered 4 times a day (once, I showered 6 times in a day ((remember, I was a football player, and we can get funky at times)). I even started to buy clothes on a more frequent basis, rather than always wearing the ones the university provided me. And I started using Moist Flushable Wipes on a daily basis. Fast forward 8 years, and I now use them exclusively.

For those of you thinking of converting to my fresh and clean lifestyle, I should let you know that there is one side-effect. After years of using Moist Wipes, my ass has become as soft as, well, as a baby's ass. Problem is, it is very sensitive and even when using the best and most expensive TP (you know, that double quilted stuff with Aloe), it feels like I am using sand paper.

So, there you have it! Some of you probably think I am weirder than before you have no explanation. But you know what? I would rather have that, than to think some people thought I just walked around all day with a stinky ass!


Ramble Part II: I pride myself on having a great memory. I would not say that I am all that detail oriented (although BSB's Ice Cream Personality Test says otherwise), but I generally remember things well, especially the little details. Generally, I use this gift for evil - arguing! I love to argue, and I love being right!

Lately, though, I've found that I can't remember certain things. My cut-off is generally when I moved from Bloomington, IN to Milwaukee, WI about 6 years ago. I can remember some of the bigger events before that, but I cannot grasp the small things - the details. Is this a bigger problem, or is this just what happens? Either way, I guess it's a good thing I have this blog! So, when I'm 40 and sitting in a rocking chair, drooling on myself, I can remember when I told all you guys about my ass wipe fetish!

Ramble Part III: Seems as though, I've been hit again. Angry Ballerina tagged me to:

1 - Find the nearest book.
2 - Name the book
3 - The author
4 - Turn to page 123
5 - Go to the fifth sentence on the page
6 - Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
7 - Tag three more folks.

Here goes:

1 - I could have gone upstairs and retrieved a non-text book. But that was too far, and I knew where some of my old books were just a few feet away.
2 - Abnormal Psychology (No, I do not like the faces)
3 - Gerald C. Davison and John M. Neale
4 - Alright, if you say so
5 - Does the first sentence count, or is the the first full sentence
6 - Whether experiments are regarded as analogues depends not on the experiment itself but rather on the use to which it is put. We can very readily study avoidance behavior in a white rat. The data collected from such studies are not analogue data if we limit our discussion to the behavior of rats.
7 - I tag AML, Heather Lynn, and Madison (hey, maybe this will bring her back???)

That's all I have to say about all of that!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Dude, That's REALLY Weird

Alright, now let me see if I can figure this out. Evil Spock "tags" me, and now I have to share 6 weird things about myself. Okay, sounds fair, here you go:

1. I sleep with a space heater next to my bed. It could be 90 degrees outside and the middle of summer, and I'd still have my heater going. I love the noise it makes and nothing is better than sleeping with warm air blowing on your face!

2. I love to watch all kinds of movies. I especially like scary movies. Problem is, I cannot watch them alone. Whenever the scary parts come on, I hide my face in my hands and watch the screen through my fingers. Recently, I've started just buying scary movies on DVD, and watching them while playing the scary parts in x8 speed.


3. In college, I drank to excess just like most other students. Thing is, for awhile in school I could not hold my liquor very well. I would generally get "sick" at least 1 night every weekend. Weird thing is, I would always make it to the bathroom, but I would sit on the toilet, and get "sick" on the floor right in front of me.

4. I refuse to use toilet paper! In fact, outside of emergencies, I have not used it in 6 years.

5. Playing collegiate sports, I had the pleasure of showering with other men on a daily basis. After a long day of practice, I sometimes felt the need to have a little fun. While showering, I would, on occasion, urinate on a teammate's leg. It was the best watching their reaction when they felt something on their leg that was a little warmer than their shower water.

6. At the tender age of 32, and with a wife and 2 children, I play A LOT of video games. And when I say A LOT, I mean A LOT. We're talking Nintendo Wii, Nintendo Gamecube, Nintendo DS, Playstation 2, Xbox 360, and I will occasionally break out the Atari or Dreamcast. And to validate my weirdness, my Xbox Live GamerTag. For the record, 4765 is very good!



So there you have it. I hope my newly proclaimed weirdness will not drive anyone away.

Oh yeah, I guess I have to tag 4 people. I tag, BSB, Heather Lynn, JLee, and Dan. I look to hearing your innermost weird.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!