The Worst Post Ever.....

So, it's been a week since my last post. I have been a little busy, but also tired of people doing stupid shit. Maybe it was my own fault for feeling the need to publically put my 2 cents in, but that is what I do sometimes.

I was going to post something interesting tonight, but Blogger has been down quite a bit. So, instead, I'll tell you all what I've been up to the past week.

Wednesday 11/22 - my pool table and bar were delivered and set up by the fine folks at Watsons. My basement rec room is almost finished. I had to move my weight bench to make room. Instead of removing the weight from the bar (there was roughly 200 lbs. on there at the time), I did a quick clean and jerk, and just carried it across the room. *hmmm....that was heavy, I hope I didn't hurt anything*

Thursday 11/23 - went to a friends house for dinner. Worked out well, as I did not have to cook or clean up. And they have they NFL ticket, so I actually got to watch the Thursday game. *what the hell is that pain in my hand?*

Black Friday - I had never ventured out on this day before. Never really had a need to. I like to enjoy a video game every now and then, so I thought I would go look fo a Nintendo Wii or a PS3. Didn't find that, but did find a lot of people that pissed me off.

Best Buy:
Ignorant Lady: Did I run my cart into the back of your leg?
Me: yes.
Ignorant Lady: Oh, I'm sorry.
Me: (without even breaking stride or turning around to look at her) That's okay.

Best Buy Hourly Employee: Can I help you sir.
Me: Yes, I'd like to get out of here now! How can we make that happen?
BBHE: You see that line over there wrapped around 8 aisles?
Me: Yes.
BBHE: Go stand in that line.
1 hour later, I finally checked out!

I will NEVER, EVER go anywhere on Black Friday again! BTW....no next gen gaming systems were obtained!

Saturday 11/25 - the pool table works well. Notre Dame sucks. I hate USC!
*seriously, what the hell is wrong with my hand?*

Sunday 11/26 - Football Sunday. Set my fantasy lineups. Sit on couch. Enjoy football. Wait, have to turn my house into the Griswald Christmas House first. Then I can enjoy football!
*I think my hand may be broken, must go to doctor!*

Monday 11/27 - Who works on Monday anymore. Had a conference call, ran errands, and bought more Christmas decorations.
*the had is better*

Tuesday 11/28 - My Monday. Was able to finally get a Nintendo Wii. Almost bought an extra one to sell online, but that is probably the reason it took me so long to get one, so only one for me.

Wednesday 11/29 - Finally went to the doctor. My hand is in a lot of pain (thankfully my left hand though). It is not broken, but I did severely strain ligaments.

Thursday 11/30 - Stayed up way too late, posting this boring blog!

Sorry for the shitty post! Hope everyone is having a good week. Looks like it might snow where I live tomorrow.

UPDATE!!!
In an effort to make the Worst Post Ever a little more enjoyable, here is a video I thought was pretty funny. Office Space 2 maybe??? I'd go see it!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.....

These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty!

In my last post, I referenced NBC's Must See TV, which for me, was a Thursday night ritual during most of my college years.

Well it seems one of My Heroes has lost his mind. A man, who I tuned in every week to see how he was going to make me laugh out loud, went nuts over the weekend at The Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, CA.



I cannot find the words to describe what Michael Richards (aka Cosmo Kramer) did over the weekend, so here it is:



See, I told you, the man lost his mind! Here is Jerry Seinfeld helping him make his apology on The Late Show with David Letterman:


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It seems like he is truly sorry. Unfortunately, this probably killed what remaining career he had. I just hope that I can still enjoy Seinfeld. Time shall tell.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

No Mas!!!!!

It was 1994 -

Bill Clinton was undressing interns with his eyes.
Lorena Bobbitt (the name alone makes me cringe) was found not guilty.
The Buffalo Bills lost their 4th consecutive Super Bowl.
Must See TV was born with the premier of Friends.

And Orenthal James Simpson was charged with the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. In 1995, O.J. was acquitted in "The Trial of the Century."

Since that day, I've stood up for our justice system and O.J. Deep down, I thought he probably did it, but he was found not guilty, so in my mind, he was not guilty. Plus, as a "football guy," I really wanted to believe that he was innocent. So, I defended him time and time again.

I want to remember him as:

NOT:

And to be completely honest, I was doing a pretty good job of that. Well, until now. In a twist straight out of Big Brother or Temptation Island, Fox Network will air "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened" later this month (11/27 & 11/28). Once again, I ponder my age old questions, What in the HELL is wrong with people?????

In case you're too lazy to click the link above, here's the promo:

O.J. will be appearing on Fox to promote his new book - "If I Did It."

At this point, I have to wash my hands with The Juice. Sorry man, I tried! I guess I still have Ray Lewis!

Have a Great Weekend everyone! Don't forget to give Shabbas some love! And yes, you are allowed to watch THE GAME - Michigan - Ohio St. on Shabbas! Camping out for a Nintendo Wii is also permitted on Shabbas, just be careful if you live in Connecticut, there are crazy people out there, they have guns, and they are not afraid to bust a cap in your ass for you Playstation 3 or Nintendo Wii.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars!

Awhile back, I blogged about The Good Ole Days. Looking back at that blog and thinking about what I was truly feeling, I think I really miss NOT having responsibility.

I miss the days of not having anything to do until it was time to go to practice, get ready for my night of drunken debauchery, or the ever popular - walk all the way to class, only to not go in and head to the Student Union instead to hang out. It's not that I'm not happy in my current life stage. It's just that being an adult (or in my case, pretending to be an adult) is sometimes a little overwhelming.

So, I present to you my first blog about people I look up to. These will be people with values and beliefs that I respect, people who live their lives to the fullest, and just in general, people who I respect and inspire me to be my all.

So, without further ado, I would like to introduce you to a man with no responsibility. A man whose sole purpose in life is to bowl the perfect game. A man that would do anything for a friend. A man, whose lifestyle, I admire. Ladies, Gentleman, and Evil Spock - The Dude! That's right Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski.

The Dude is a care-free unemployed hippy, who lives in LA. The Dude got his start in The Big Lebowski. El Duderino let's little keeping him from bowling with his friends, Walter and Donny.



The Dude is in a constant Zen state, and only gets worked up when someone deprives him of his White Russian or disrespects his rug (which really tied his room together).

In an effort to slow my aging down and salute His Dudeness, I am taking 2 days per month for Shabbas - my personal day of rest (That means I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll!).

Please DO NOT interrupt Shabbas, or else!!!

Dude, Baba Ganoush salutes you!

Coach Bobby Knight, We Salute You!

Unless you have been under a rock the past few days, you have probably seen the video footage of Coach "getting his players attention." In case you haven't, here it is:



Despite the fact that Texas Tech AD Gerald Myers had no problem with it, Michael Prince (the player in question) had no problem with it, and Mr. Prince's parents had no problem with it, the media made a mountain out of a molehill. In fact, some media outlets were calling for Coach's firing.

In an ESPN poll of 45,694 people, 72% said Coach did NOT cross the line with his actions on Monday.

A few quotes on the incident:

Prince was quoted in Tuesday's Lubbock Avalanche-Journal as saying, "He was trying to teach me and I had my head down, so he raised my chin up. He was telling me to go out there and don't be afraid to make mistakes. He said I was being too hard on myself."

"His parents were in total shock that anything was made out of this," Bob Knight said. "If Mike had his head hanging over a mistake again I'd flip his chin up tomorrow. I'm trying to get him to be the best player he can be and his parents' answer was that they didn't expect anything else."

It was only two weeks ago that Knight dismissed leading scorer Jarrius Jackson because the senior guard wasn't on the road to being eligible for the second semester and Knight didn't want him playing if he wasn't going to be available past December. "I kept him out of practice for a week and he progressed well and then I let him practice for a week and he progressed well and now I'm letting him play for a week and then we'll see how he's doing," Knight said of Jackson, who is averaging 24.5 points in two games so far this season.

The last situation says all you need to know about Coach. If you send your child to play for Bobby Knight, they will not be taken advantage of to win games. You will send your 18 year old to Lubbock Texas a boy, and he will leave (WITH DEGREE IN HAND) a Man.

I would also like to thank Miles Brand for dismissing the (soon to be) greatest coach in NCAA history from Indiana. As Coach prepares to pass Dean Smith this season for the most victories in NCAA history, I close with top 10 Bobby Knight sound bites.




Maybe if we still had Coach, my Alma Mater wouldn't have lost to Butler. GO IU!!!!!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Mr. Drug Dealer, I was in the bathroom!!!

I've returned from my trip to LA. I had a discussion with my wife before I went, and convinced her it was fate that Reese Witherspoon and Britney Spears had "conveniently" become single just before my trip out there. Who are we to look fate in the eye? You saw what happened to Mr. Eko! You have to do what you have to do! Unfortunately, I never ran into either of them.














I was out there because one of my best friends got married. I played football in college with him. He has been in LA for about 7 years now and is a regular on the LA comedy scene. He had his wedding in Long Beach. Following, is my account of how I narrowly made it back one night alive.

Thursday night, we stayed in LB and went out there. We went out after the rehearsal, which gave us a late start. We met up with another guy we played football with and one of his friends. We also had another person with us that was in the wedding party for a total of 5.

We started out at a nice little Irish Pub. We enjoyed several adult beverages, but quickly left this location for a more "upbeat" spot.

We ended up at a little Salsa bar. This bar had 2 parts - downstairs was a bar/restaurant and upstairs was a dance club. We went in to the downstairs area, as you had to be on a list to get in upstairs.

It was my idea to go in this club, as I was looking for somewhere to use the bathroom, and this place seemed like the kinda bar I would not mind Droppin' a Deuce in.

So we went in, my friends went to the bar, and I went to checkout the facilities. About 10 minutes in, one of my friends came in to tell me that we were leaving and they would wait outside for me. About 10 minutes later, I was done dropping the kids off at the pool, and headed outsite.

I go outside and there is a large crowd starting to form....and who do I find in the middle of all the commotion, but my friends. Now, my friend has told me tales of what I am about to tell you.....trips to the VIP room, free drinks, you know, the star treatment, but I had never seen it in person. You see, my friend that got married bares a striking resemblance to Jamie Foxx. So, there were several on-lookers trying to catch a glimpse of Mr. Foxx. There was also a sharply dressed man ($5000 suit, stunning girl on his arm, and a full pose of his own), who I was told was trying to get us to come to the upstairs club as his guest.


From what I was told, my friend tried to tell these people he was NOT Jamie Foxx, but they refused to believe him. So, after a few minutes, we decided to play along. As I said earlier, this is something that I have never witnessed, but was told happens quite a bit. I, along with the other guy that I knew from college, played the role of Jamie's security detail. Before we agreed to go into the club, security (me) had to go in and make sure it was safe.....back exit and what not.

After my trip inside, things were declared safe. I am surprised they did not call us out then and there, as I chose to gawk at all the beautiful women salsa dancing, instead of doing my "job."

Here's where I became a slightly uneasy about our little hoax. The sharply dressed man was clearly either a Drug Lord and/or Mob Kingpin. So, this guy pays all of our ways in ($100), buys us several rounds of drinks ($200), and we go directly to the VIP section. His girlfriend ends up begging to dance with Jamie, so he agrees.

Now, I do not have a lot of experience with drug dealers or the mob. However, as I've stated before, I watch way too much TV, and I've seen enough to know that people have gotten whacked for less than $300. Let alone the disrespect that I'm sure he would have perceived by our "lies" and inappropriate dancing with his GF.

I decided it was time to go when Tony Montana's goons started questioning me about how we knew their "boss." So, I rounded to troops up, Mr. Foxx graciously said his goodbyes, and we left.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful.....well not really, but you know what they say.....what happens in Long Beach stays in Long Beach!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Tom Foolery

Well the LA trip is going well. One more day out here.

The wedding was last night. Best Man speech went well.

We've gone out the past few nights and the $20 covers and $13 drinks are not being too kind to my budget.

I met Aiesha Tyler and that guy from the sprint commercial where he can only get reception while on top of a filing cabinet.

I hope to stalk some more celebrities tonight, as we are going to Sky Bar, which is supposed to be very upscale.

I have some other material from this weekend, but will post later. Just a little teaser.....tune in to hear how I almost got wacked by the Cubian mafia.....no, I am not kidding.

Baba Ganoush, OUT

Fun with Delta Customer Service

I can certainly procrastinate with the best of them! I have a trip to L.A. this week for a wedding I am in. I've known about this trip for about a year, but only recently started looking at flights.

When I first started looking, direct flights were around $300. I decided to wait just a little longer. Well, a mere 4 days later, the direct flights had gone up to $1000 and flights with 1 stop were $700.

Alright.....better take some action! I live in Cincinnati, and was told that flights out of Dayton, which is about 45 minutes away, are a lot cheaper. Upon further review, a flight with 1 stop to LAX out of Dayton was only $400. Here's the thing - the 1 stop is in Cincinnati.

So, I start booking the $400 flight out of Dayton with 1 stop in Cinci. Halfway through, I decided to call Delta, and thus begins the downward spiral.

Here is an account of my conversation:

Annoying "Customer Service" Lady: Thanks for calling Delta, how may I help you?
(I have every reason to believe A"CS"L has been speaking English for about 1 week)

Baba Ganoush: I live in Cincinnati and am going to LA. I am looking at a flight from Dayton to Cincinnati to LA. Do I have to drive all the way to Dayton, or can I just show up in Cincinnati and go to LA?

A"CS"L: No, sir, you have to check-in in Dayton.

BG: Why.

A"CS"L: That's just our policy.

BG: You do realize making me fly from Dayton costs Delta money? Someone to check me in. Handling my bags. Plus all the peanuts that I'll eat (I actually didn't go to the peanut reasoning).

A"CS"L: .....

BG: Okay, can I at least just not take the final leg to Dayton on the way back home?

A"CS"L: No, you have to fly back to Dayton.

BG: What's to stop me from just not getting on the plane in Cincinnati and going home?

A"CS"L: Your bags would be in Dayton.

BG: I will just carry them on and go home from Cincinnati (I realize this isn't getting me anywhere).

BG: The lady that I was talking to before said you could get me a better rate than what was online?

A"CS"L: Yes, let me see what I can get for you.....Looks like I can get you from Dayton to LA for......$800.

BG: I was halfway through booking for $400 before I wasted all this time talking to you.

A"CS"L: Sir, the rates are constantly changing.

BG: Are you seriously telling me that the rate went up $400 in the past 5 minutes?!?!?

A"CS"L: Let me check again for you.....Looks like the current rate is $800.

BG: I am still online and halfway through booking for $400!

A"CS"L: It is now $800. The rates are constantly changing.

BG: .....

A"CS"L: .....

BG: Is there someone else that I can talk to?

A"CS"L: Yes, I can get you a manager.

While waiting for the manager, I ended up just completing my $400 booking. The manager was actually very nice. We had a nice conversation about the fact that I was driving to Dayton to take a $400 flight to LA, which would take me through Cincinnati and ultimately on the $1000 1-way flight.

So now my travel is all set. Now I have to figure out what in the hell I am going to say for my best man speech. I really do not know the bride very well, so I am really having quite a bit of trouble coming up with something. Maybe I'll just indulge in multiple adult beverages and see what happens. Too much pressure.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

How Pets Think.....

Once again, Happy Hump Day! Halloween was in the end, pretty uneventful. I took Little Dude around the neighborhood to get candy. He was a little apprehensive at first, but once he grasped the concept that people were giving him candy, I had to drag him home. And trying to explain to a 2 year old that they cannot have ALL the candy they just collected, is not an easy task.

This week seems like it is flying by. Here's a mid-week joke. I promise, it is funny. Well, maybe not for the dog lovers. However, the cats lovers will really like it. Enjoy!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!










EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is
the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
Their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try
this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and
repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to
vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body,
In attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try
to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and
condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not
working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no
good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however
it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick
minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the
piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.
I Was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could
hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they
call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement
was due to MY power of allergies." Must learn what this is and
how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than
happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the
other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I
can wait, it is only a matter of time...