Mr. Drug Dealer, I was in the bathroom!!!

I've returned from my trip to LA. I had a discussion with my wife before I went, and convinced her it was fate that Reese Witherspoon and Britney Spears had "conveniently" become single just before my trip out there. Who are we to look fate in the eye? You saw what happened to Mr. Eko! You have to do what you have to do! Unfortunately, I never ran into either of them.














I was out there because one of my best friends got married. I played football in college with him. He has been in LA for about 7 years now and is a regular on the LA comedy scene. He had his wedding in Long Beach. Following, is my account of how I narrowly made it back one night alive.

Thursday night, we stayed in LB and went out there. We went out after the rehearsal, which gave us a late start. We met up with another guy we played football with and one of his friends. We also had another person with us that was in the wedding party for a total of 5.

We started out at a nice little Irish Pub. We enjoyed several adult beverages, but quickly left this location for a more "upbeat" spot.

We ended up at a little Salsa bar. This bar had 2 parts - downstairs was a bar/restaurant and upstairs was a dance club. We went in to the downstairs area, as you had to be on a list to get in upstairs.

It was my idea to go in this club, as I was looking for somewhere to use the bathroom, and this place seemed like the kinda bar I would not mind Droppin' a Deuce in.

So we went in, my friends went to the bar, and I went to checkout the facilities. About 10 minutes in, one of my friends came in to tell me that we were leaving and they would wait outside for me. About 10 minutes later, I was done dropping the kids off at the pool, and headed outsite.

I go outside and there is a large crowd starting to form....and who do I find in the middle of all the commotion, but my friends. Now, my friend has told me tales of what I am about to tell you.....trips to the VIP room, free drinks, you know, the star treatment, but I had never seen it in person. You see, my friend that got married bares a striking resemblance to Jamie Foxx. So, there were several on-lookers trying to catch a glimpse of Mr. Foxx. There was also a sharply dressed man ($5000 suit, stunning girl on his arm, and a full pose of his own), who I was told was trying to get us to come to the upstairs club as his guest.


From what I was told, my friend tried to tell these people he was NOT Jamie Foxx, but they refused to believe him. So, after a few minutes, we decided to play along. As I said earlier, this is something that I have never witnessed, but was told happens quite a bit. I, along with the other guy that I knew from college, played the role of Jamie's security detail. Before we agreed to go into the club, security (me) had to go in and make sure it was safe.....back exit and what not.

After my trip inside, things were declared safe. I am surprised they did not call us out then and there, as I chose to gawk at all the beautiful women salsa dancing, instead of doing my "job."

Here's where I became a slightly uneasy about our little hoax. The sharply dressed man was clearly either a Drug Lord and/or Mob Kingpin. So, this guy pays all of our ways in ($100), buys us several rounds of drinks ($200), and we go directly to the VIP section. His girlfriend ends up begging to dance with Jamie, so he agrees.

Now, I do not have a lot of experience with drug dealers or the mob. However, as I've stated before, I watch way too much TV, and I've seen enough to know that people have gotten whacked for less than $300. Let alone the disrespect that I'm sure he would have perceived by our "lies" and inappropriate dancing with his GF.

I decided it was time to go when Tony Montana's goons started questioning me about how we knew their "boss." So, I rounded to troops up, Mr. Foxx graciously said his goodbyes, and we left.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful.....well not really, but you know what they say.....what happens in Long Beach stays in Long Beach!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.