Monday, December 18, 2006

Bung Holes, Alzheimers, and Tags

As you can see from the title, I plan to ramble just a tad.

Ramble Part I: First and foremost, my admission of not using toilet paper seems to have caused quite a stir. Therefore, I have decided clarify my stance on TP. I may even convert some of you to my lifestyle!

It all started when I was in college. As a typical guy (and occasional viewer of adult videos), I needed to be ready 24/7 (physically, logistically, and hygienically) for my next random sexual encounter (cause those things happen randomly all the time.....right? Whatever, I have video evidence that says otherwise!). Either way, better to be prepared, than to be caught funky at the library and have to turn down that sexy Tri-Delt for her proposed 8th floor midnight rendezvous because you are not "fresh."

So, I decided to take VERY good care of myself. A fresh haircut once a every 2 weeks. A new pair of shoes once every 6 months. I sometimes showered 4 times a day (once, I showered 6 times in a day ((remember, I was a football player, and we can get funky at times)). I even started to buy clothes on a more frequent basis, rather than always wearing the ones the university provided me. And I started using Moist Flushable Wipes on a daily basis. Fast forward 8 years, and I now use them exclusively.

For those of you thinking of converting to my fresh and clean lifestyle, I should let you know that there is one side-effect. After years of using Moist Wipes, my ass has become as soft as, well, as a baby's ass. Problem is, it is very sensitive and even when using the best and most expensive TP (you know, that double quilted stuff with Aloe), it feels like I am using sand paper.

So, there you have it! Some of you probably think I am weirder than before you have no explanation. But you know what? I would rather have that, than to think some people thought I just walked around all day with a stinky ass!


Ramble Part II: I pride myself on having a great memory. I would not say that I am all that detail oriented (although BSB's Ice Cream Personality Test says otherwise), but I generally remember things well, especially the little details. Generally, I use this gift for evil - arguing! I love to argue, and I love being right!

Lately, though, I've found that I can't remember certain things. My cut-off is generally when I moved from Bloomington, IN to Milwaukee, WI about 6 years ago. I can remember some of the bigger events before that, but I cannot grasp the small things - the details. Is this a bigger problem, or is this just what happens? Either way, I guess it's a good thing I have this blog! So, when I'm 40 and sitting in a rocking chair, drooling on myself, I can remember when I told all you guys about my ass wipe fetish!

Ramble Part III: Seems as though, I've been hit again. Angry Ballerina tagged me to:

1 - Find the nearest book.
2 - Name the book
3 - The author
4 - Turn to page 123
5 - Go to the fifth sentence on the page
6 - Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
7 - Tag three more folks.

Here goes:

1 - I could have gone upstairs and retrieved a non-text book. But that was too far, and I knew where some of my old books were just a few feet away.
2 - Abnormal Psychology (No, I do not like the faces)
3 - Gerald C. Davison and John M. Neale
4 - Alright, if you say so
5 - Does the first sentence count, or is the the first full sentence
6 - Whether experiments are regarded as analogues depends not on the experiment itself but rather on the use to which it is put. We can very readily study avoidance behavior in a white rat. The data collected from such studies are not analogue data if we limit our discussion to the behavior of rats.
7 - I tag AML, Heather Lynn, and Madison (hey, maybe this will bring her back???)

That's all I have to say about all of that!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

13 comments:

Evil Spock said...

You should play more Brain Age. If people knew you like I know you, I'd think they'd be quite surprised that you're so dainty!

BSB said...

"So, when I'm 40 and sitting in a rocking chair, drooling on myself"

Excuse-me??? What's that about?

Baba Ganoush said...

Evil Spock - A grown man can enjoy having a fresh smelling and impeccably clean bum without being dainty!

BSB - I seem to have aged myself well beyond my years. I truly believe 40 is the new 30.

Unfortunately, not for me. Since I am exhibiting symptoms that I should not have until I am at least in my 50s.

Someone get me some Ginseng and Ginko Bilobo STAT!

The Absent Minded Landlord said...

Like I eluded to before, I'm with ya on the ass wipes. Nothing wrong with feeling fresh. It's the using them only thing where I differ. Just stay out of prison. I heard they like a soft ass in there.

BTW, that is the strangest, most non-sensical meme I have seen yet. I shall oblige.

BSB said...

No... you should eat more butter pecan ice cream!!! ;-) That'll do the trick!

HeatherLynn said...

Okay...okay...I've read yours....now I'm off to post mine!

~hl~

Snowball432 said...

Okay so I get the TP thing now. B4 you cleared that up I was worried you were just freestyling the whole thing or even going the bidet root...hugs:P

Baba Ganoush said...

AML - I definately have staying out of prison on the day planner.

You can thank Angry Ballerina for the tag. I think she sits around all day and thinks of things like this!

BSB - There you go again! You will not succeed in getting me to leave my low-carb lifestyle with your constant talk of Butter Pecan Ice Cream. You Temptress!

HL - I think I could get into being a teacher. I like this assigning homework stuff!

Now you go work on your post or it'll be detention!

Is that how it works BSB and Snowball?

Snowball - Ahhh, a bidet. You may have just created a monster Snowball! I am working on remodeling the basement. I think I could fit one in over by the pool table!

BSB said...

BG.. I tagged FAB.. ;-)

I'm the Temptress and I have you in detention.. hummmmm

Is this a G rated blog like mine?

angry ballerina said...

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Baba Ganoush said...

BSB - Of course this is a G rated blog. Remember, I am NOT a deviant!

AB - Yeah, I know!

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Anonymous said...

Good point, though sometimes it's hard to arrive to definite conclusions