Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Rollin' VIP with my new Grillz

Well, I made it back from Arkansas. After about 8 hours of daily meetings, I was literally a vegetable.

Monday morning was the dreaded root canal. While I am, as always, NOT a Deviant, I am still a guy. When faced with a tough decision, and given these factors, I will always choose pretty female over guy. This has always been part of my core value system. It was, by all means, a factor when I chose the family dentist. There were other factors - like it being a husband and wife dentistry, who had pictures of their kids in their phone book ad. So, they'll be sensitive to our kids when they go for the first time.

Well, this backfired on me on Monday. When I arrived for my root canal, I was informed that Doctor Chris, and not Doctor Kristina, would be conducting the procedure. As I laid there letting the Novocaine do what it does, I wondered what would be worse - me being a big baby in front of the cute female dentist or in front of the male dentist.

I came to the conclusion, it would be in front of the male dentist. While the female dentist might have seen my vulnerability as cute, a male doctor would no doubt just think I was a bitch. So, I decided to put on my big boy face, and suck it up.

After all the hype, it was really not all that bad. I only felt the pain a few times, and I actually fell asleep a few times during the procedure, which I'm sure Doc. Chris appreciated. That's okay, because I had his giant man hands in my mouth for an hour to help keep it open.

When I was actually awake, I was wondering if this was what Fellatio was like. If so, I can understand some of the trepidation that comes with said act. ***Clarification*** I understand the discomfort. That's not a green light to forgo the deed all together (you know who you are). Let's just say I have a little more respect for those who, suck it up (no pun intended), and git r' dun.

Anywho, where was I? Oh yeah, the pain that I'm in right now is far worse than anything I had imagined with the actual root canal. I feel like someone punched me in the jaw, and then hit me with a brick.

Here's a question for the masses - what do I chose for my crown. I can go with Porcelain, Gold, or Titanium. I go back in on Monday to have the actual crown put on, and I have no idea what to go with. I'll do some research, but I'm curious if anyone else has experience with these.

Changing directions (drastically), I, like most, am getting ready for the Big Game this weekend. I'm pleased that we are having an All Midwest Super Bowl. Cause that's how we roll here in the Midwest! Our TV recently went out, so I came back last week to our new and improved TV.

Not only am I looking forward to a great game this weekend, but I am also looking forward the the Super Bowl Commercials. My wife sent me this clip this morning. It's pretty funny. I have a little bit (and I mean a little bit) of respect for K-Fed now - It's good that he can laugh at himself.

Kevin Federline - Rollin' VIP

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Are you as excited as I am? Most likely, yes.

Baba Ganoush Here - posting remotely from Bentonville, Arkansas. I'll be here all week folks. I'm here for 3 days of meetings. It should be riveting!

The weekend was awesome. Saturday, we got to hang out with friends where my wife and I went to college. Sunday, we were hit with 4 inches of snow, so I finally got to use my snow blower and Lil' Dude and I played for awhile outside.

A pretty lazy post today, but a small look into the mind of Baba Ganoush. Well, not really, but after this post you'll have an idea of some of the music I'm in to.

Sorry, in advance, for this week's post, but technically, I supposed to be working.

This song is in my Top 10 of all time. I must warn you that the audio on the song is VERY loud, so adjust your volume down. Enjoy!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Friday, January 19, 2007

An Emotional Roller Coaster

WOW, what a week it has been. My world has been turned upside down several times this week, only to rebound with some great news. Wanna here about it? Okay, if you insist!

Saturday and Sunday were filled with NFL playoff bliss. Since my favorite team, The Pittsburgh Steelers, were not in the playoffs, I had to hitch my waggon to another team. I chose the San Diego Chargers. Unfortunately, they lasted just one game. Their loss was the first hill of my roller coaster ride (albeit a small hill).

I then entered utopia Sunday and Monday nights with the help of the Fox Network. My love affair with 24 and American Idol has been well documented.

Tuesday, I awoke to a very pleasant surprise - It finally snowed! Well, only a little bit, but snow nonetheless!

Not enough to built that snowman I promised Lil' Dude, but we're getting there. Rumor has it, more this weekend.

Wednesday was a great day because I finally got time to post a blog, and interact with all you fine people. All kidding aside, you, yeah you, should feel special. While I devote the majority of my time to my family and work, blogging has taken a lot of time from my 3rd favorite past time. An activity that's been with me circa 27 years. That's right, I find my time to spend with my virtual friends (that's You) by playing less video games. True, I knew there would come a day when I would have to let go of gaming (slightly).

Okay, where were we. Right - snow Wed. morning. I was in such a good mood that I thought I'd change the light bulbs in the garage that someone has been bugging me about. So, I risk life and limb balancing on a plastic ladder to successfully change the light in the ceiling.

That went so well, I thought I'd change the light in the garage door opener as well. That's when it happened. I was accosted! Violated, I tell you!

Upon removing the cover to the light on the opener, these "things" jumped out at me. I can only assume that they are the result of some fiendish experiment, or possibly the result of radiation exposure.

I can only imagine the battle that was waged inside the light cover, as these two behemoths went at it. The hills on the coaster just got much, much bigger.

Most of Thursday was pretty uneventful, aside from the thousands, and I mean thousands of calls I continue to get from contractors. I submitted some info online (first mistake) about work I need done in my basement, and now everyone in a 100 mile sq. radius, who owns a hammer, is calling me.

I ended my day with the biggest hill of the week (or so I thought). Awhile back, many of you showered me and my family with kind words and encouragement. Echoing some of the thought others have shared, it was much appreciated, and refreshing to know there are still a lot of kind people out there.

Well, I have to call on you again! While it may be too soon for me to be searching for more sympathy, I'm really backed into a corner here! You see, I found out that I have to have a root canal. After years of putting my body through hell, I am accustomed to a certain amount of pain, mostly in my knees and back. However, there are 2 places, where I cannot tolerate ANY pain and/or discomfort - My eyes and my mouth.

I have requested to be put to sleep for the procedure - we'll see how that goes. I'm sure I would be properly numbed up, but that is not really the problem.

What I hate about having things done at the dentist - Even though you usually cannot feel anything, you can still tell what they are doing. When I had a tooth pulled, I did not feel it, but I knew what what happening when my head jerked. When I had fillings done, I did not feel it, but I could still see and smell the smoke coming out of my mouth.

I am NOT looking forward to this! On the bright side, though, I now have Vicodin to help deal with the pain until I have it done. Wish me luck.

W.W.J.D? - Lure one of those silly contractors to the house. Disable them quietly, as to draw no attention to himself, for a short time. Take a pair of pliers from their tool box, and remove the bad tooth with one swift pull. Problem solved and money saved. He would no doubt now be able to make a cool new whistling noise with the extra space.

Have a Great Weekend!

Baba Ganoush, Out.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Look Away Baba, Look Away.....

As hard as I try, I can't look away from this train wreck. Please make it stop! I want to hide my face, I am so embarrassed from some of these people! Oh, how the people of Minneapolis, MN and the upper Midwest are embarrassing themselves.

It's not all bad though. Jewel is a special guest host on the Season 6 premier of American Idol. You probably didn't know it, but Jewel was talking about good old Baba when she wrote - "You Were Meant For Me." I really do hate it when you leave the lights on baby. I really do.

You see, American Idol is one of those shows I watch for my wife. Remember, I placate her by watching some of her shows, and she returns the favor watching shows for me she really doesn't like.

Can you keep a secret? I don't mind watching this show all that much. Especially during the early episodes when people just make complete jackasses out of themselves.

Some of the early contestants are clearly just trying to put on a show, which is what producers are looking for anyway. Others honestly think they have talent, but are gravely mistaken. Who can forget America's Heartthrob?

Wait a minute! Is that? No, it's just William Hung! Blogger must have just messed up the cropping.

The Minneapolis auditions made me glad that I no longer live in the Upper Midwest. I do miss the Fargo accents though - they could always put a smile on my face! Only 17 people got passes to Hollywood. My early favorite to win it all - not sure what her name is, so let's refer to her as the Shakira look alike.

By season's end, I will be a happy man if I hear her say, "Ay Papi," just one time! Please, just one time.

My love affair with The Fox Network is at an all time high. Jack Bauer, you complete me! 24, also entering its 6th Season, started on Sunday night. I am a huge 24 fan, who has watched the show since its 1st Season. I must say that this season is a little more edgy than those in the past. I mean edgy in a Descent kind of way, only tempered (slightly) for network TV.

I think, given any tough decision, you only need to ask yourself 1 question - What Would Jack Do (W.W.J.D.?)? You do that, and you can never go wrong. You may spend some time in jail for assault and battery, but in the end things will work out for you!

I was pleasantly surpised to see Kumar (Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle fame) with a role in 24. Unfortunately, Kumar did not make it past the 4th hour. That's okay. It should give him more time to work on Harold and Kumar 2!
Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Friday, January 12, 2007

Ramble Alert - Aging, Therapy, and Cremains

I want to first thank everyone for the kind words left earlier in the week about my daughter. She is doing just fine. I got worked up for nothing - just being an over-protective Dad. God help us all when she starts dating. Her older brother (2 yo) is starting to be very protective of her, which is funny to watch, and oddly not due to my influence at all.

That said, let me start my rambling, or I'll never get through this. I love everything about being a Dad. I wouldn't trade that for the world, but my kids are a constant reminder that I'm getting old. That would be fine, if they were the only reminders.

In the past I have ranted about my grey hair and my early onset of Alzheimer's. Up until now, I've dealt with my rapidly aging self pretty well. Most of my life, I've been characterized by my athletic ability. Surprisingly, I've taken the fact that my abilities have diminished (or at least the fact that I don't use them anymore) very well.

I was okay when I could no longer be introduced as a Big Ten Football player. I'd played football for 14 years, and then one day it was gone. To this day I don't think I've internally dealt with the void that was left in me when football went away.

I was okay when I decided to stop playing rugby, despite playing a key role on a national championship runner-up team. In some parts of the country, rugby is taken very seriously. My time playing rugby enabled me to relive some of my glory days. Well, on a smaller scale, but I still got the attention I needed.

I am even okay with the fact that I have not played basketball in 2 years. There was a time when I played everyday. I remember when I went home one summer we played with the lunch crowd at noon. We would then play with the evening guys around 6 pm. We would end our day playing with the Kent State guys around midnight.

My athletic endeavors these days are mostly playing Wii Sports, chasing the little guy around the house, and mowing the lawn. Yes, I know, very sad.

Given all that, I think I've been pretty good with the grey hair and Alzheimer's situation. Well, I can't take anymore! For the past year of so, I have been eyeing up some hair that had sprouted from the corner of my inner ear. At first it was just a little fuzz. Then it got longer and darker. I finally had to have my wife trim it with a little pair of scissors, which in and of itself carried a fair amount of dignity loss.

The straw that broke them camels back came during the holidays and while I was Christmas shopping. Not sure if you guys have seen these skate shoes the kids are wearing. I'm in the mall, kids everywhere, and some of them just start rolling around on their shoes. I literally said to myself, "those god damn kids, and their skating shoes." I give it until June, and I'm telling the neighbor kids to turn down their blasted music as I sit on my rocking chair on the porch.

So, is that what I'm considering seeking therapy for? No! In my last post, I made a reference to The Exorcist. I mistakenly called Linda Blair, Natalie Blair.

What in the hell was this Freudian slip all about. I really don't want to know! Gotta love Blair though. Lisa Welchel was so cute back in the day! Get out of my head Mindy Cohn! GET OUT NOW! That's all I have to say about that.

Which brings me to my last little tid bit. Earlier in the week, Dan blogged about Cremains. I made a promise to briefly explore my phobia of funeral homes and morticians. My uncle is a mortician. Growing up I would play at the funeral home where he worked (and now owns). The owners at the time had kids that were around my age (8 or 9 at the time). They had an enormous house, half of which was dedicated to being the funeral home.

We would play hide and seek, and they would always hide in the casket room. The casket room had a staircase that went directly to the embalming room. I remember going there at times when they had a body that was ready to be shown, and the kids were always fiddling with the body. The image that is etched in my mind is of their boy taking glasses off of an elderly woman and wearing them. To this day, I am very uncomfortable visiting them. This is a profession that all the money in the world couldn't get me to do!

This phobia was reinforced later in life by The Tall Man, Angus Scrimm. I think I saw Phantasm at an age when I had no business watching a movie like that, and thus, the emotional scar.

Have a Great Weekend!!!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

"Emergence Delirium" - WITH UPDATE

"Emergence Delirium." I was a little unsure what that was too, but it did not sound very pleasant. Unfortunately, I may experience it today. My youngest goes in today to have tubes put in her ears, which, in and of itself, does not sound like a very pleasant thing to have done.

I made it through childhood and 14 years of playing football, and have never had any surgery. This seems like a fairly common and harmless surgery. However, with my general concern as a parent and lack of experience with surgeries, I am not taking this very well. I may very well be "that guy" who needs oxygen by the end of the day. Good think I'll be at a hospital.

I'm sure they're preparing us for the worst with the literature we received pre-surgery. My expectations are nothing short of a horror film, with my little family as the main characters. Will I be the hero, or will I pull a Costanza, pushing women and small children out of the way, as I make my break for the exit?

I present to you a small (and I mean small) excerpt from our pre-surgery novel.

Recovery Period After Your Child's Surgery

After your child's surgery / procedure, your child will go to the Post Anesthesia Care Unit / PACU. The PACU is an open room with areas separated by curtains to provide visual privacy for each family.

In the PACU, a nurse will be at your child's bedside for the entire recovery period to ensure his / her safety and comfort.

Though it is a very busy place, we encourage each family to focus their attention on their child. Some children may be affected by the crying of other children. Please know we are working to comfort each child and family.

The amount of time children spend in the PACU varies from 15 minutes to several hours, depending on the type of procedure and anesthetic. We will make every effort to reunite you and your child in the PACU as soon as possible.

We will reach you in the surgery waiting area to invite you to your child's bedside. Please do not hesitate to ask your nurse if you need assistance while in the PACU.

What You'll See in the PACU

Most children receive oxygen through a face mask for a period of time after anesthesia. Sometimes children look pale, puffy or swollen after surgery. This is normal.

Children differ in their reactions to anesthetics. Some have an upset stomach and may vomit. Often children are give medications to help decrease the possibility of nausea and vomiting. Some may have dizziness for a period of time.

If a breathing tube is used during surgery, some may have a sore throat. This is normal.

Children wake up differently from anesthesia. Some children wake up quickly and may be awake before their families arrive at the bedside. Other children may still be sleeping from the effects of anesthesia.

Please do not wake your child. In our experience, children often have a gentler and more comfortable wake up when they wake on their own.

Some children wake up shivering though they are not cold. Encouraging your child to take deep breaths will help. Those who have had intravenous / IV pain medication may have an extremely itchy nose. This itch will go away.

Some children wake up restless or irritable. Some appear awake but are not aware of what is going on around them.

Some cry, thrash, arch their back, reach out and seem
inconsolable, even when they are in their parent's arms. This behavior is not usually related to pain, and children do not usually remember it.

This restless or irritable wake up is known as "emergence delirium." About one third of young children who have brief procedures experience emergence delirium, but it may
occur in children of any age, even after a longer time under anesthesia.

Emergence delirium may be upsetting for you to see, but be assured that it will go away. Sometimes it lasts about 10 minutes. Other times, it lasts up to an hour or longer.

By staying calm, speaking softly, and remaining at the bedside, you can be a comfort to your child. Your nurse will be at the bedside to reassure and support you in consoling and comforting your child.

You and your child are welcome to stay in the PACU until this restless or irritable stage passes. However, in our experience, returning to a familiar environment often helps calm children.

The most effective way to help your child may be to return to
your hospital room or your car. Your child may calm down after the car ride home or a brief nap.

Remember that scene in Alien when we first see the, well, Alien come out of the guys chest? Or, when Linda Blair is tied to the bed in the Exorcist? That's what I'm expecting. Minus the actual Alien and the priest throwing around holy water.

And this PACU place sounds nothing short of a concentration camp medial unit, with doctors running around yelling STAT all the time.

Wish me luck!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

The surgery went well yesterday. We went back with her when she was put to sleep. The doc gave her some bubblegum flavored gas. He seemed like he was just letting her smell what it was like, but we were actually underway.

She went down without a problem. We sat down in the waiting room, I had just started to worry, and they came to tell us they were done. So, we were off to the concentration camp, where I was fully prepared to see devil babies using their evil powers to rule the world. My only comfort was the medical staff that would inevitably be yelling STAT to warn the world of the evil within.

I walk in with my eyes closed, and to my surprise, things are very calm. And their is our little girl, sucking on a bottle of apple juice livin' the high life. No "emergence delirium." She was actually very happy and laid back (she gets that from her Dad!). And now she is just like Jamie Sommers, as her ear procedure seems to have giving her bionic hearing.

Again, thanks for all the kind thoughts. It turned out well, but I will be happy never to have to see any of my children through surgery again!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

A Misplaced Gift from Baba Ganoush

Here is a Saturday Night Live skit (SNL Digital Short) with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg. I generally don't watch SNL, so I never see these things when they are first run.

Honestly, at first I did not think it was that funny. After watching it the 2nd and 3rd time, I laughed out loud. Pretty entertaining. Well, at least worth 2 min 45 sec of your time. I'll admit too, I'm a closet JT fan.

Currently the #1 YouTube video for 2007 by over 5 million views. Enjoy, and have a great weekend!

Dick in the Box

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

The Descent

WOW. Doing research for this little blog was quite interesting. There are a lot of reviews out there that are quite lengthy, well thought out, and very informative.

Not that you won't get some of that from me, but I am going to make a very concerted effort to keep these short and sweet. It will most likely be hard to keep these short, and be as informative as I'd like to be. But, hey, as much as I like to blog, I don't have that kind of time.

When it comes to movies, I am a very simple person. I do notice holes in plots, I easily pick up on sub-plots, and I think (in my opinion) I have a good feel for what is "good" and what is "bad." With that said, there're very few movies (and I can't think of any right now) that I've seen, where I thought I wasted my time. You might say I am easily entertained.

So, there's my little disclaimer that this will not be better than Rotten Tomatoes. Now that we have that out of the way, let's take a look at The Descent!

The Spoiler

One year after a tragic accident, six girlfriends meet in a remote part of the Appalachians for their annual caving trip. Deep below the surface of the earth, disaster strikes when a rock falls and blocks their route back to the surface. The girls soon learn that Juno, the thrill-seeking leader of the expedition, has brought them to an unexplored cave and that as a result no knows where they are to come rescue them. The group splinters and each push on, praying for another exit. But there is something else lurking under the earth - a race of monstrous humanoid creatures that are adapted perfectly to life in the dark. As the friends realize they are now prey, they are forced to unleash their most primal instincts in an all-out war against an unspeakable horror - one that attacks without warning, again and again and again.

The Experts Say

"Prepare to be scared senseless, and then, when you think you have it figured, your certainty will be shaken by scenes built to scare you even more."
--Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE

"Relentlessly intense from first frame to last, this is a movie for viewers who felt that Tarantino's Kill Bill needed more blood and that the torture scenes in Hostel were too toned down."
--Emanuel Levy, EmanuelLevy.com

"The Descent doesn't need to exist: a script that goes beyond outlandish. Actors who'd flunk out of Make Believe 101. Blind creatures that see things. Did we mention continuity?"
--Stephan Williams, NEWSDAY

Here's Where They Are Saying It

Rotten Tomatoes - As always, a very thorough look at the movie. Is there really any need to do research elsewhere? Well, other than here of course! Very interesting back and forth going on in the comments section from two people with very different views of the movie.

IMDb - Fairly informative site. Not as thorough as Rotten Tomatoes. Not as entertaining as Baba Ganoush.

BBC Movies - Since this was a British movie, I wanted to include a British review. Not the best site. Any of you friendly Brits want to give me some advice on where to look for reviews in the future?

Expert Ratings

Rotten Tomatoes - 7.3/10 (Critics) and 7.7/10 (Users)

IMDb - 7.5/10

BBC Movies - 4 out of 5 Stars

Baba Ganoush Says

This movie was TERRIFYING! The Unrated version (which is what I watched) also boasts some of the most gruesome scenes I've ever seen in a movie. Honestly, just doing research for this post, specifically visiting the official Descent website, sent chills down my spine. I had to skip the intro. Maybe another strange little phobia, but I HAD to skip it (enough said).

Also, I am a tad claustrophobic, and found myself squirming in my seat as the characters squeezed through caverns. Unless you are the next Jeffrey Dahmer, you will slightly be bothered with parts of this movie.

If you like these kinds of movies, I would certainly recommend watching it. There are some very glaring flaws in the plot, and the end of the movie is TERRIBLE (in my opinion). With that said, if you're looking for a little shock (in my case, it was A LOT), this is your movie.

For me, Natalie Mendoza, stole the show. Her character in the movie (Juno) is a bad-ass. She quickly let us know that the girls were not going to just going to run around screaming and wait to meet their fate.

Baba Ganoush Rating

This was a good movie, which received A LOT of hype. In the immortal words of Chuck D., Don't Believe the Hype! The movie failed to live up to its billing for me. The plot insufficiency's were hard to over look. And the ending left a very, very bad taste in my mouth. For a shocker, though, it gets the job done.

6.5 out of 10.

I hope you all enjoy my little movie posts. I love TV and Movies, so this was fun to do.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Movies Reviews and Blogs Done Twice

Wow, it's Hump Day already! How time flies when you are off on Monday and don't really do anything on Tuesday.

This is actually my second time writing this blog. Which, I must say, is a tad annoying! It's a new year, so I'm not going to let it get me all worked up.

If you're keeping score at home, you know I love to watch TV and Movies. I've decided to start a little movie review portion of my blog. I will most likely just be reviewing DVDs, although, I will occasionally brave the outside world to give you my take on a new release (oh, how I miss you buttery popcorn and ridiculously big soda!).

My reviews will NOT include complex plot and/or character analysis (I'll include links for you to view such things if you wish). Nor will it include words that people do not understand. Seriously, who uses "ennui" anyway? And don't even get me started on all this "whilst" crap.

I will simply give you my take on the movie, some sort of rating, and as always, try to inject a little humor. I will also be taking requests. So, whether you just want to know what I think of your favorite movie or just you don't want to waste your time watching something, but are curious, I'm your man. Just send me and email. It may take me a little while to get to your movie, but I promise, I WILL watch it. I will keep of list of movies yet to be reviewed on my blog.

Tomorrow will be my first review. Here is a little teaser:

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Year, Drunken Debauchery, and Reminiscing

Wow, has it really been almost 2 weeks since I posted my Natalie Portman Gansta Rap? I thought a break from work would give my plenty of opportunities to post. I was wrong. I guess I need the mundane daily grind of work to force me to blog!

So, on the eve of my first day back to work in almost 3 weeks, I thought I'd get back into the swing of things.

I was going to take the opportunity to blog about my New Year's resolutions, but to be honest, my resolutions are pretty standard. And I, like most people, will most likely break them within the first month. In fact, I think I've already broken at least 2 of them. And since I don't own a flying car, 2007 is off to a pretty disappointing start.

I'm sure a lot of you spent some time over the past few weeks a little under the influence (some, I'm sure, A LOT under the influence). For the most part, my days of "tying one on" are behind me.

*Side Comment* - "Tying one on," was a phrase I heard a lot when I lived in Wisconsin. During my time up there, I was able to ascertain that it meant going out and getting really drunk, which I did quite a bit. I still have no idea though where that phrase came from and/or what I was tying on and where.

Last week, I had the pleasure to turn back the clock a bit and tie one on with a few friends. I had a great time in Broad Ripple, IN, where my drink of choice for the night was Vodka and Red Bull. I lost count after 8 of them. In the past, this sort of drinking might have led me to engage in Weird activity #3. These days, I seem to be able to drink in excess, not get sick and am rarely hung over (yes, I know, this might be part of a larger problem). A few of my comrades in tying things on were not so lucky. Recounting their drunken debauchery the next day was almost as fun as the night before.

In an effort to avoid a Slander and Libel Suit from a few people, I will adhere to the age old saying - What happened in Broad Ripple, will stay in Broad Ripple. I will though, share a story of my drunken debauchery from times past.

In college, I had 3 roommates. For purposes of this blog, and any future references to the roommates, let's refer to them as Dan, Joel, and Julian (the names have been changed to protect the innocent).

So, it was one year after graduation, and Julian was getting married in Columbus, IN. Columbus is a small town just east of where we all went to school. The groom's wedding party consisted of all the roommates. Friday night was rehearsal, and you know what that means - stake your claim to a bride's maid, try to get the groom to come to his senses, and get hammered.

The wedding and reception were at the Holiday Inn, which is also where we all stayed. And, as luck would have it, this Holiday Inn had its own night club! And, to no one's surprise, it was the place to be on a Friday and Saturday night in Columbus.

There we were, living the High Life in Columbus Indiana. Joel and Julian spent the night, well, being Joel and Julian. Dan and I spent the night trying to figure out when Julian's little sister's boobs had gotten so big. That, and hitting on some of the locals.

After numerous attempts by the roommates, Julian refused to back out, and went to bed at a reasonable 11pm. Joel disappeared like he always does. Dan and I closed down the bar, like we always do. At this point, it was around 2am, and Dan decided to go door to door in an effort to find Julian's sister. He did not find her room, but he did find several of Julian's and the bride's relatives rooms.

Unfortunately, Dan's waking up of Grandma and Grandpa Julian to hook up with their granddaughter, was NOT the hot topic the next day. You see, I topped Dan - by a long shot!

When I made it back to the room I was sharing with Joel, I proceeded to "get sick" in the room. At some point, Dan came by to see if I was okay. I give him credit for that, but he was probably still on his search. After making sure I was okay by dumping water on me as I laid in my bed, they were nice enough to take me out of my wet clothes - ALL OF THEM!

So there I am. Naked, passed out, and laying on a wet bed. They had their standard fun with me using shaving cream, lotion, and tooth paste (no, there was no sort of penetration. This is NOT that kind of story).

To this day, I don't know which one it was, but they decided to kick it up a notch. Well, who could blame them? They already had the shaving cream out. They shaved the back of my legs all the way up to my ass. Apparently though, shaving the back of my legs was not good enough. One of them even had to bright idea to flip me over and shave my private parts (knowing the Dan and Joel like I do, I have no doubt, it was Joel). Thinking about those 2 drunkards tooling around the family jewels with a disposable razor makes my skin crawl! Thankfully, I had beat them to it days before with a fresh trim.

It would be nice if this is where the story ended, but oh no, not this night. There we were, Joel snuggled nicely under his covers. Me - naked, laying on top of wet sheets. Around 5 am, I woke up freezing. I did what anybody would do. Go hop in the tub, fill it up with warm water and pass out again there. For the next 3 hours or so, I would lay there, adding more hot water every time I woke up cold. Around 8am, Joel got up and went to breakfast. He claims he checked on me, and I was fine. Needless to say, I remained in the tub - naked.

Circa 8:30 am, the maid came! After knocking with no answer, she entered the room to do her job. To the terror of the 50 something Hispanic lady, who barely spoke English, she found a large man passed out in a tub full of water. So, the call went out - directly to the Bride and her parents - There was a man in their block of rooms dead in the bath tub.

After determining I was still alive, things settled down a bit. As the story filtered through the both families and all the other guests, everyone had a good laugh (everyone, but the bride). I still get together with my roommates once or twice a year, and this story is always a favorite to recount.

A bit of me thought that sharing a story like this might be a little much. But if I can't share a drunken story with people who I'll never meet in real life, what is the world coming to.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!