Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Queen Amidala - I Love You

It seems as though Princess Leia's mom has turned to the Dark Side of The Force! That's right, you better recognize, or Padme will bust a cap in your ass.

Pretty funny! I have new found respect for Natalie Portman. Enjoy, and Happy Hump Day!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Quizzes and Cats

It may come as a bit of a surprise to you guys, but I have a bit of an ego. My favorite way to feed that ego, is to be right about things. If you want to play a "friendly" game of chess, I am NOT your guy. So, when I found "Do You Deserve Your High School Diploma" on Anna Banana's blog, clicking on the link and taking the quiz was instinct.

To be honest, I was a little worried about what the outcome might be. I've heard the stories that it's actually harder to get a GED than it is to get a HS Diploma (or maybe that's just something they tell GED students to make them feel better), and that most adults could not pass a GED exam.

I scored an 86%, and despite the fact that the site seems to think that's a good score, it's just B to B+.

I am curious to see how you guys do. Visit the link above, and post your score in the comments. Try to play fair and not look anything up and/or use a book (Evil Spock).

You paid attention during 86% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

I have been blogging now for about 4 months (my mission statement). During my short time here, I've seen a lot. Some friends have been made and some friends have been lost (where the hell is Madison anyway?).

It's gotten very trendy to post pictures of your pets. Some people have conversation with their pets - Exhibit A. Some people even use their pets as another identity when posting - Exhibit B (Yeah, it sounds like Dissociative Identity Disorder to me too!).

In an effort to be just as trendy as everyone else, here are a few pics of my pets.

Allow me to introduce you to Bailey (the little one) and Morgan (the big one getting ready to lay the smack down on me for waking them up). Bailey is a girl and Morgan is a boy. Bailey enjoys getting stuck in places she cannot get out of (between walls), knocking cups off the counter, eating plants, and just in general, causing mischief. Morgan enjoys being fat, finding new places to lounge each day, having his belly rubbed and getting punked by Bailey. Both cats are great for cuddling (if you are into that sort of thing), running from the kids, and NOT killing bugs!

Stay tuned for my next road trip, where I will give you guys the details of the trip through the eyes of Bailey, as narrated by Morgan. It should be riveting!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Bung Holes, Alzheimers, and Tags

As you can see from the title, I plan to ramble just a tad.

Ramble Part I: First and foremost, my admission of not using toilet paper seems to have caused quite a stir. Therefore, I have decided clarify my stance on TP. I may even convert some of you to my lifestyle!

It all started when I was in college. As a typical guy (and occasional viewer of adult videos), I needed to be ready 24/7 (physically, logistically, and hygienically) for my next random sexual encounter (cause those things happen randomly all the time.....right? Whatever, I have video evidence that says otherwise!). Either way, better to be prepared, than to be caught funky at the library and have to turn down that sexy Tri-Delt for her proposed 8th floor midnight rendezvous because you are not "fresh."

So, I decided to take VERY good care of myself. A fresh haircut once a every 2 weeks. A new pair of shoes once every 6 months. I sometimes showered 4 times a day (once, I showered 6 times in a day ((remember, I was a football player, and we can get funky at times)). I even started to buy clothes on a more frequent basis, rather than always wearing the ones the university provided me. And I started using Moist Flushable Wipes on a daily basis. Fast forward 8 years, and I now use them exclusively.

For those of you thinking of converting to my fresh and clean lifestyle, I should let you know that there is one side-effect. After years of using Moist Wipes, my ass has become as soft as, well, as a baby's ass. Problem is, it is very sensitive and even when using the best and most expensive TP (you know, that double quilted stuff with Aloe), it feels like I am using sand paper.

So, there you have it! Some of you probably think I am weirder than before you have no explanation. But you know what? I would rather have that, than to think some people thought I just walked around all day with a stinky ass!

Ramble Part II: I pride myself on having a great memory. I would not say that I am all that detail oriented (although BSB's Ice Cream Personality Test says otherwise), but I generally remember things well, especially the little details. Generally, I use this gift for evil - arguing! I love to argue, and I love being right!

Lately, though, I've found that I can't remember certain things. My cut-off is generally when I moved from Bloomington, IN to Milwaukee, WI about 6 years ago. I can remember some of the bigger events before that, but I cannot grasp the small things - the details. Is this a bigger problem, or is this just what happens? Either way, I guess it's a good thing I have this blog! So, when I'm 40 and sitting in a rocking chair, drooling on myself, I can remember when I told all you guys about my ass wipe fetish!

Ramble Part III: Seems as though, I've been hit again. Angry Ballerina tagged me to:

1 - Find the nearest book.
2 - Name the book
3 - The author
4 - Turn to page 123
5 - Go to the fifth sentence on the page
6 - Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
7 - Tag three more folks.

Here goes:

1 - I could have gone upstairs and retrieved a non-text book. But that was too far, and I knew where some of my old books were just a few feet away.
2 - Abnormal Psychology (No, I do not like the faces)
3 - Gerald C. Davison and John M. Neale
4 - Alright, if you say so
5 - Does the first sentence count, or is the the first full sentence
6 - Whether experiments are regarded as analogues depends not on the experiment itself but rather on the use to which it is put. We can very readily study avoidance behavior in a white rat. The data collected from such studies are not analogue data if we limit our discussion to the behavior of rats.
7 - I tag AML, Heather Lynn, and Madison (hey, maybe this will bring her back???)

That's all I have to say about all of that!

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Dude, That's REALLY Weird

Alright, now let me see if I can figure this out. Evil Spock "tags" me, and now I have to share 6 weird things about myself. Okay, sounds fair, here you go:

1. I sleep with a space heater next to my bed. It could be 90 degrees outside and the middle of summer, and I'd still have my heater going. I love the noise it makes and nothing is better than sleeping with warm air blowing on your face!

2. I love to watch all kinds of movies. I especially like scary movies. Problem is, I cannot watch them alone. Whenever the scary parts come on, I hide my face in my hands and watch the screen through my fingers. Recently, I've started just buying scary movies on DVD, and watching them while playing the scary parts in x8 speed.

3. In college, I drank to excess just like most other students. Thing is, for awhile in school I could not hold my liquor very well. I would generally get "sick" at least 1 night every weekend. Weird thing is, I would always make it to the bathroom, but I would sit on the toilet, and get "sick" on the floor right in front of me.

4. I refuse to use toilet paper! In fact, outside of emergencies, I have not used it in 6 years.

5. Playing collegiate sports, I had the pleasure of showering with other men on a daily basis. After a long day of practice, I sometimes felt the need to have a little fun. While showering, I would, on occasion, urinate on a teammate's leg. It was the best watching their reaction when they felt something on their leg that was a little warmer than their shower water.

6. At the tender age of 32, and with a wife and 2 children, I play A LOT of video games. And when I say A LOT, I mean A LOT. We're talking Nintendo Wii, Nintendo Gamecube, Nintendo DS, Playstation 2, Xbox 360, and I will occasionally break out the Atari or Dreamcast. And to validate my weirdness, my Xbox Live GamerTag. For the record, 4765 is very good!

So there you have it. I hope my newly proclaimed weirdness will not drive anyone away.

Oh yeah, I guess I have to tag 4 people. I tag, BSB, Heather Lynn, JLee, and Dan. I look to hearing your innermost weird.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Please HELP

Why do I need your help? Well, let me tell you a little story first.

I let you all know in The Worst Post Ever, that I had a pool table and bar set delivered on 11/22/06. Here is what it looks like:

While my basement is certainly NOT this grand, it was not that shabby, and was well on its way to being stellar.

In addition to the pool table and bar, I also have a black leather sectional.

And what does every rec. room need? That's right, a 50 in. HDTV.

And just because I have been waiting for an excuse to show a little bit of my wine collection:

A little something for everyone - Bacardi 151, Jim Beam Black, and Grey Goose Vodka. Also, this is most of my wine collection. About 25 bottles counting what I have in another location.

I do plan to buy a wine refrigerator at some point.

A few all-stars from my collection (left to right) 1 - Graham's "Six Grapes" Reserve Porto. 2 - 2001 Paul Jaboulet Chateauneuf Du Pape. 3 - 2000 Louis M. Martini Cabernet Sauvignon. 4 - 2002 Ironstone Meritage (a Cab. Sauv., Cab. Franc, Merlot blend).

I drink the Six Grapes regularly, but will not open the others until at least 2008.

So, what's the problem? Well, this past weekend, my basement decided it was a little thirsty. I went over to shoot a little pool and low and behold, the carpet was soaked. I immediately went and rented a carpet cleaner - mostly to help suck up the water.

That night we had our first "basement specialist" look at the problem. He decided it was a drainage problem on the outside of the house. He wanted to dig a trench inside the basement that would help funnel water out. I do not know a lot about this sort of thing, but this DID NOT sound like what I was looking for! ($2500 estimate plus carpet, wall, and odor repairs - 100% my expense)

The next guy that came out said the same thing, only he wanted to fix it on the outside, which sounded like a lot better of a plan to me. ($3700 estimate plus, carpet, wall, and odor repairs - 100% my expense)

All the while, water is still coming into the basement in a steady flow, which was strange, as we had not had rain in about 10 days. Both guys that came out did not think this was strange at all though - and hey, they are the experts.

Although we are not the original owners, we decided to call the builder, as the house is only 3 years old. The builder representative was there that day, and determined that it could not be due to outside factors - WHY, because there had been no rain, and it was almost impossible.....hmmm. Upon tearing apart the wall (which was a little strange to watch) he found a pipe with a small crack in it that was shooting out a steady flow of water.

We are up to about $8000 in total repairs thus far. Good news, it's covered by our home owners insurance! ($1000 deductible, and the rest 100% covered)

You may be thinking about how sorry you feel for poor Baba. You may be thinking about how lucky I am with the way things turned out. You may even be thinking about shooting some stick and having an adult beverage with Baba.

I am sure though, that you are wondering how I need YOUR help! Seems as though, as part of this process, we are going to be getting all new carpet throughout the basement. We are also getting a fresh paint job on the walls!

I am in charge of decorating 2 rooms in the house. My home office and the basement. While I think I did a very good job at picking out the color scheme and the furniture in my office, I am at a total loss as to what to do with the basement.

I need a color for the wall and the carpet. Keeping in mind the black leather sectional and the mahogany bar and pool table (the felt is black).

Thanks in advance for your help.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Baba Ganoush's Pet Peeves 101 - Pent Up Anger

As I sat here trying to think of something to write about, I could not help myself, but to think about all the things that piss me off. I have blogged about some of them in the past, but trust me, there are a lot more.

So, I thought I would tell you about all of them. This will not only give me something to write about, but it should also be therapeutic.

Here we go! In no particular order:

  1. Socks with holes in them. Well, actually, people who wear socks with holes in them. Seriously, come on now! You can get a 10pk of socks for $10. Even if you have fancy tastes, socks are cheap, and thus, you have no reason to wear socks with your big toe or heel sticking out of them. This can also apply to underwear with holes in them.
  2. When people spell "a lot," "alot." This is just done way too much. In an effort to not think people are morons, I attribute this to laziness. So, stop being lazy and hit the space key.
  4. When people should use "their," but mistakenly use "there." (or vice versa) Oh, and just to mess with your head Mensa Boy, people advanced in the skill of grammar may sometimes use "they're." I know, I know, it hurts sometimes.
  5. People who have no regard for another human beings "personal space." Whether you are a close talker, or just ignorant - Please take 2 steps back, immediately!
  6. "To," "Two," and "Too" are NOT interchangeable! They each have their own meaning. If you often mix them up, please repeat 2nd grade!
  7. I take my driving very seriously. Generally though, I am very nice while driving. I'll usually let people out into traffic in front of me. I'll also let you cut in front of me. I just have 1 rule - YOU MUST USE YOUR BLINKER! So, where is the Pet Peeve, you ask. I'll tell you - When I let you out or let you cut in front of me, and you DO NOT acknowledge said act. A simple wave will do. A head nod will suffice. Hell, give me the bird. Just acknowledge the fact that I did you a solid.
  8. When I stop to get food, drive all the way home, and my order is all messed up and/or things are missing. Yeah, I should have probably checked the order, but forgive me for thinking Minimum Wage Guy could place the burger and fries in the bag with no problem.
  9. When I have Coupon Lady in front of me at the grocery check out and she holds up the line because her .25 cent coupon for beans won't scan. Ma'am, we're gonna need to get a manager over here to enter their code. Okay, I'll wait.
  10. When people walk across a cross walk, but the little box is telling them not to walk. And then you have to wait for them to move before you can drive.

I told myself I would stop at 10. I will release BG's Pet Peeves 201 at some point.

I thought this would be therapeutic, but it really just pissed me off and made me tense. But hopefully, some of you can help me justify my Pet Peeves.

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Please Make It STOP!!!

It's been roughly 6 months now since we moved back to Ohio. After being held captive in Wisconsin for 6 years, we were able to get relocated to Cincinnati, OH. Things were good, as we were now closer to family and friends.

For the purposes of this blog, you must know that I detest snakes, rodents, and just bugs in general. To be completely honest, it's probably more of a phobia that I have than just a general dislike. To the point where re-living all this drama will probably keep me up at night!

So, here we go. I looked the other way this summer when I found out our back yard was infested with snakes. Just posting this picture makes my skin crawl! And yes, the snakes in the backyard were this big! No really, I swear!

There are still parts of our yard where I refuse to cut the grass. Most notably, Snake Hill. After an encounter here in early August, I vowed not to return, and I did not.

And yes, if you are wondering, the danger in this region of the back yard did affect the usage of the play system we spent an obscene amount of money to have put in (where does the money go......yeah, I wonder!).

I even ignored the fact that these guys came and went from the house like they were paying rent! These pictures are from my basement and they were about the size of a half-dollar. Not only were they very large, they are also very agile and got around quickly!

In addition to the above tenants, we had numerous other bugs chilling at the crib. And don't get me started on the thousands, and I kid you not THOUSANDS, of crickets that hung out in the yard.

We live in a suburb north of the city, and despite all the wild life in and around our house, I took it all in stride and was happy with the move.

WELL, UNTIL NOW! You see, we got some snow the other day. And when I say some snow, I mean about an inch, which was gone by mid morning. Great you say. Well, not really! Seems as though people here in Cincinnati just LOST THEIR MINDS!

I grew up in Northern Ohio (which gets much more snow than Southern OH). I went to school in Bloomington, IN, which get about the same amount of snow as we get here, and I had never seen this before. It seems as though people in Cincinnati have never driven in snow before.

This picture is of I-75, about 6 miles from where it normally backs up. The traffic was not moving and was backed up the other way as far as I could see. To my knowledge there were no accidents, just people not knowing what in the hell they were doing.

I can put up with a lot, but this has pushed me over the edge. If I wanted traffic like this, I would have moved to Chicago. Stay tuned to see what happens when Cincinnati is launched into the Next Ice Age (2 inches of snow) - I should buy my generator now! Come on people.

To assist in your general driving, please refer to a few of my Golden Rules of Driving. Please note that in snow, speeds should be adjusted accordingly, but the rules are still applicable.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Trapped in the CLAUSet (Lazy Post, but still funny)

This is most certainly a lazy post, but it is hilarious nonetheless, and in the Christmas spirit (well, sort of)! I laughed out loud when I watched it, and I am still laughing as I post it.

For those PG folks out there, this might be a little too much for you. Everyone else, please enjoy! It's a spoof of Santa Claus in R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet.

Also, for people who are new to the blog, I would encourage you to click here! It is a link to my first post ever, and sheds some light on what I've tried to have this blog about.....I know, I know, I've strayed a few times, but I try to stay on the path.

Anyway, enjoy the videos, and Happy Hump Day!

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

Trapped in the CLAUSet

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

White Christmas or Green Christmas?

After my Black Friday experience, this is an attempt to get into the holiday mood!

Are you a Heat Miser of a Snow Miser. I am definately a Snow Miser! Enjoy.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!

Ps.....Sorry for the crappy quality of the videos. I'm going to have to start making my own!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Shoot the J.....For a Good Cause

As a former college athlete, I've had the pleasure of playing with or against the likes of Trent Green, Tom Brady, Joey Galloway, Corey Stringer, Kerry Collins, Adewale Oguyleye, Eddie George, and Mike Alstot among others.

While all that makes great dinner conversation, with the way athletes are portrayed in the media, being a former college football player is not always something to brag about. I'm sure some of you are questioning my usage of the word "portrayed." While I think the media exxagerates bad athletes and spreads stereotypes about athletes, there are certainly plenty of examples of why I am not always proud to be a former athlete:

OJ Simpson

Rae Carruth

Mike Tyson

Well, last night was not only a great night of basketball,

  • #24 Oklahoma St. upset #21 Syracuse 72 - 68

  • #15 Arizona held off Louisville 72 - 65

but I was also reminded that Little T Learns to Share is not the only good thing that comes out of sports (yeah, yeah, I know there are a lot of good things).

Last night's games were part of the Jimmy V Classic, which is a partnership between ESPN and The V Foundation. The V Foundation was formed in 1993 with the dream of Jim Valvano, a former college basketball coach and announcer, as he battled cancer. Jim died later that year, but his foundation, which was formed to raise money for cancer research lives on today.

In just 13 years, the V Foundation has raised $60 Million. Over the last 5 years .83 cents of every dollar donated went directly to cancer research. Today, the Foundation is able to operate with 100% of everything donated going directly to cancer research.

The clip above is from the 1993 ESPY awards. Jimmy V received the inaugural Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award. Although no touchdowns were scored and no baskets were made, his acceptace speech is one of the greatest moments in sports history. You can read his entire speech here.

After being helped to the stage, Jimmy V gave a great speech. You've probably heard it before, but here's how he ended it, Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever. I thank you and God bless you all.

This post was very educational for me. Here are some cancer stats from the V Foundation website:

• About 1.4 million new cancer cases are expected to be diagnosed in 2006. More than 20 million new cancer cases have been diagnosed since 1990.

• One of every two men and one out of three women will get cancer in their lifetimes.

• Three out of every four American families will have at least one family member diagnosed with cancer.

• About 565,000 Americans are expected to die of cancer in 2006. In the U.S., cancer is the second leading cause of death, responsible for 1 in 4 deaths.

• According to the National Institutes of Health, overall costs for cancer in 2005 were nearly $210 billion, including medical costs, the cost of lost productivity due to illness and the cost of lost productivity due to premature death.

• Approximately 77 percent of all cancers are diagnosed in people aged 55 and older.

• An estimated 9,500 new cases of cancer are anticipated among children aged 14 and younger in 2006. Other than accidents, cancer is the leading cause of death among children.

If you are interested in donating to the Jimmy V Foundation click the link below:

Baba Ganoush, OUT.