Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Year, Drunken Debauchery, and Reminiscing

Wow, has it really been almost 2 weeks since I posted my Natalie Portman Gansta Rap? I thought a break from work would give my plenty of opportunities to post. I was wrong. I guess I need the mundane daily grind of work to force me to blog!

So, on the eve of my first day back to work in almost 3 weeks, I thought I'd get back into the swing of things.

I was going to take the opportunity to blog about my New Year's resolutions, but to be honest, my resolutions are pretty standard. And I, like most people, will most likely break them within the first month. In fact, I think I've already broken at least 2 of them. And since I don't own a flying car, 2007 is off to a pretty disappointing start.

I'm sure a lot of you spent some time over the past few weeks a little under the influence (some, I'm sure, A LOT under the influence). For the most part, my days of "tying one on" are behind me.

*Side Comment* - "Tying one on," was a phrase I heard a lot when I lived in Wisconsin. During my time up there, I was able to ascertain that it meant going out and getting really drunk, which I did quite a bit. I still have no idea though where that phrase came from and/or what I was tying on and where.

Last week, I had the pleasure to turn back the clock a bit and tie one on with a few friends. I had a great time in Broad Ripple, IN, where my drink of choice for the night was Vodka and Red Bull. I lost count after 8 of them. In the past, this sort of drinking might have led me to engage in Weird activity #3. These days, I seem to be able to drink in excess, not get sick and am rarely hung over (yes, I know, this might be part of a larger problem). A few of my comrades in tying things on were not so lucky. Recounting their drunken debauchery the next day was almost as fun as the night before.

In an effort to avoid a Slander and Libel Suit from a few people, I will adhere to the age old saying - What happened in Broad Ripple, will stay in Broad Ripple. I will though, share a story of my drunken debauchery from times past.

In college, I had 3 roommates. For purposes of this blog, and any future references to the roommates, let's refer to them as Dan, Joel, and Julian (the names have been changed to protect the innocent).

So, it was one year after graduation, and Julian was getting married in Columbus, IN. Columbus is a small town just east of where we all went to school. The groom's wedding party consisted of all the roommates. Friday night was rehearsal, and you know what that means - stake your claim to a bride's maid, try to get the groom to come to his senses, and get hammered.

The wedding and reception were at the Holiday Inn, which is also where we all stayed. And, as luck would have it, this Holiday Inn had its own night club! And, to no one's surprise, it was the place to be on a Friday and Saturday night in Columbus.

There we were, living the High Life in Columbus Indiana. Joel and Julian spent the night, well, being Joel and Julian. Dan and I spent the night trying to figure out when Julian's little sister's boobs had gotten so big. That, and hitting on some of the locals.

After numerous attempts by the roommates, Julian refused to back out, and went to bed at a reasonable 11pm. Joel disappeared like he always does. Dan and I closed down the bar, like we always do. At this point, it was around 2am, and Dan decided to go door to door in an effort to find Julian's sister. He did not find her room, but he did find several of Julian's and the bride's relatives rooms.

Unfortunately, Dan's waking up of Grandma and Grandpa Julian to hook up with their granddaughter, was NOT the hot topic the next day. You see, I topped Dan - by a long shot!

When I made it back to the room I was sharing with Joel, I proceeded to "get sick" in the room. At some point, Dan came by to see if I was okay. I give him credit for that, but he was probably still on his search. After making sure I was okay by dumping water on me as I laid in my bed, they were nice enough to take me out of my wet clothes - ALL OF THEM!

So there I am. Naked, passed out, and laying on a wet bed. They had their standard fun with me using shaving cream, lotion, and tooth paste (no, there was no sort of penetration. This is NOT that kind of story).

To this day, I don't know which one it was, but they decided to kick it up a notch. Well, who could blame them? They already had the shaving cream out. They shaved the back of my legs all the way up to my ass. Apparently though, shaving the back of my legs was not good enough. One of them even had to bright idea to flip me over and shave my private parts (knowing the Dan and Joel like I do, I have no doubt, it was Joel). Thinking about those 2 drunkards tooling around the family jewels with a disposable razor makes my skin crawl! Thankfully, I had beat them to it days before with a fresh trim.

It would be nice if this is where the story ended, but oh no, not this night. There we were, Joel snuggled nicely under his covers. Me - naked, laying on top of wet sheets. Around 5 am, I woke up freezing. I did what anybody would do. Go hop in the tub, fill it up with warm water and pass out again there. For the next 3 hours or so, I would lay there, adding more hot water every time I woke up cold. Around 8am, Joel got up and went to breakfast. He claims he checked on me, and I was fine. Needless to say, I remained in the tub - naked.

Circa 8:30 am, the maid came! After knocking with no answer, she entered the room to do her job. To the terror of the 50 something Hispanic lady, who barely spoke English, she found a large man passed out in a tub full of water. So, the call went out - directly to the Bride and her parents - There was a man in their block of rooms dead in the bath tub.

After determining I was still alive, things settled down a bit. As the story filtered through the both families and all the other guests, everyone had a good laugh (everyone, but the bride). I still get together with my roommates once or twice a year, and this story is always a favorite to recount.

A bit of me thought that sharing a story like this might be a little much. But if I can't share a drunken story with people who I'll never meet in real life, what is the world coming to.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!


The Absent Minded Landlord said...

I'm all for a good prank, but shaving naked friend's privates is where I have to draw the line. Way before then actually.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Do you wish to borrow my flying car?

Shionge said...

Yo Vodka & Redbull? That's a strange combination :P

Shionge said...

Oh..Happy New Year Pal :D

Baba Ganoush said...

AML - Yeah, looking back, they were a little too comfortable with the whole situation.

Snay - Yes please! Welcome to my little corner of the internet.

Shionge - Despite some potential health risks, Vodka and Redbulls are great. A tad pricey though - they were running $9 per that night. 2 for $14. Not sure how that worked, but I spent the night double fisted, which would probably explain why I had so many.

JLee said...

dude, never pass out in front of your friends! Thank God your photos didn't end up on break.com or something! hahah I tend to nearly pass out in my hot tub after drinking, but my husband always makes me get out before that happens. There's something about water when you drink...maybe feeling like you're back in the womb? lol

BSB said...

Hi there!

I want to wish you and your family a great New Year!!! ;-)

Health & Peace!

Baba Ganoush said...

JLee - That was a lesson quickly learned! Unfortunately, pictures do exist of said event.

Ah, the womb! You might be onto something there.

BSB - Thanks for the cheer. Same to you!

HeatherLynn said...

Baba ~ hilarious story!

You did a great job being descriptive because I seriously had mental images of the entire thing....granted....in parts....they were graphic images....but regardless, it made a rather dull tuesday afternoon seem a little more lively!

Thanks...and great story!


Baba Ganoush said...

HL - Glad you liked the story.

I think I have enough college stories to keep me writing for all of 2007. Unfortunately, this was one of the more PG stories.

Should be a fun year!