Thursday, March 08, 2007

Have you met my bumper yet?

Police Chases
Murders
Stabbings
Robberies
Crystal Meth Labs

Will my Xbox blow up this weekend?

All reported on within the first 10 minutes of my local 11 o'clock news. Home Sweet Home. Seriously, can someone tell me some happy shit!?!

Finally, some happy news - Georgia truck driver wins $116 Million in lottery. Oh yeah, it's all good now!

Despite the fact that I apparently need to pack heat whenever I leave the house, I generally give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to be friendly to strangers and greet people with a smile. But not always. Sometimes, you need to be overly cautious - or do you? Lemme tell you about a time I wasn't so friendly.

I was on my way home from work on a Friday. I can't remember why, but I was in a great mood. I was driving on a 4 lane road with a grass median. I was part of a pack of cars that included a trucker and a few other cars. I was leading the way with the trucker right behind me.

I had just taken off from a stop light, and I noticed 2 young men, who I can only describe as gang bangers, attempting to jay walk about 50 yards in front of me. I slowed down to make sure they could cross, but it was clear they were running out of time. One of the bangers realized this, and stopped on the grass median.

The other gentleman, on the other hand was a little more bold. He decides he is going to walk in front of oncoming traffic (Your's Truly), come to a complete stop, and mock as if he had a gun and was pointing it at my car telling me to stop.

Like I said, I was in a great mood. But having a cap popped in my ass was not what the big guy was looking for.

So, I swurve to the right in an attempt to go get by him on the shoulder. He is getting closer.

As I swurve, he reacted to where I was and jumped into the shoulder. I react to that and swurve left, but he had already reacted and jumped back into the road. 5 feet away now.

At this point, still worried about getting shot, I make my final reaction and head back to the shoulder - this time hitting the gas. Captain Deathwish, reacts back to the shoulder as well, as he flips over my hood stuntman style.

I pull over, now pissed, because I have just hit a person with my SUV. His friend is screaming, as his buddy lays in the road, unable to get up. The trucker stops, and informs us he's called the police.

Jail time flashes before my eyes. Losing my license flashed before my eyes. Me footing the bill for this ass clown to not get a job for the next 5 years flashes before my eyes.

His buddy puts a cell phone in my face and says - "his mom is on the phone, and wants to talk to the person that hit her son." I graciously decline talking to her until the cops get there. She ends up getting there just after the cops.

In the end, the day was saved by the trucker, who saw everything. He stayed to tell the cops the whole story, and that I had no choice because of the guys actions. The two men (who ended up being 16) got jay walking tickets, and I was sent on my way.

Thinking back, I probably didn't need to step on the gas, but hey, as the 11 o'clock news has taught me, you can never be too careful out there.

Baba Ganoush, OUT.

13 comments:

The Absent Minded Landlord said...

Holy crap! Me thinks Captain Dumbass will have a bit more respect for cars from now on.

JLee said...

He deserved it!! My husband speeds up when people jaywalk and doesn't even swerve to avoid them. He's been lucky so far and avoided killing anyone to teach them a lesson.

Dr. Stephanie said...

I think Captain Deathwish got just a little less than what he had coming to him. But holy crap, I would have been having a heart attack! I'm glad you won't be pulling any jail time. :-)

sAssY brOwn said...

I leave the room when the 11 o'clock news comes on.
Around here, we have to avoid people on bicycles & moms with strollers who go down the middle of the road because there is too much snow on the sidewalks!

Jenny! said...

What a bunch of morons...do teenagers now a days have a death wish because I see way to many youngens' fucking around in the street. A block down from my house the kids play hockey or whatever in the middle of teh street, which doesn't normally bother me, but they don't move out of the way when a car is coming. They taunt and psych out the cars by jumping out a little bit, it is totally obnoxious. Glad it all worked out and you didn't get fucked by that situation.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha. I love it. What a freaking idiot. You just put ME in a good mood this Friday.
Ramzi

Yasamin said...

here's your goddamned good news. i finally bought zelda and madden 07. i am now fully connected to the Wired. I shall need no other functionality other than my wiimote, nunchuck and occasional classic controller.

life as i know it... is no non existant.

happy friday! don't forget your bullet proof long underwear!

mindy said...

omg!! that one of the craziest stories. people are such idiots...did you injure him?? hopefully??
by the way.. after seeing the people forcing the babies to smoke pot, i've stopped watching the news all together. i was so disturbed by that, i was sick.

HeatherLynn said...

Whew...that's quite the story...that would totally freak me out. Was this in Ohio? Down your way?

What's wrong with kids these days? And getting his momma on the phone...like who would actually have spoken with her?

It's tough to regard strangers with a smile and compassion for awhile after things like this happen. *shakes my head*

~hl~

Beth said...

run his ass over next time..

Baba Ganoush said...

AML - I certainly hope so. Or next time, he'll probably actually have a gun.

JLee - Jay walking is one of my pet peeves. I might have run over him just for that, but the faux gun sealed the deal.

Doc Steph - I thought for sure I was going to jail. That's the day a truck driver saved my life.

Baba Ganoush said...

Sassy Brown - With people out there like me, I'll have to make sure my little ones wear one of those dorky helmets.

Jenny - Teenagers always do stupid stuff. When I was that age, I TP'd and egged houses. I guess kids these days jump in front of cars.

Ramzi - Anytime I can put a smile on your face is a good day.

Yas - Sounds like you're getting a lot more use out of your Wii than I am. I'm not even sure if mine still works.

Mindy - I was sent on my way by the police before I found out if he was hurt or not.

My wife made me watch that pot stuff. It just pissed me off. Pissed me off they were doing it, and it pissed me off that she paused it so I could see it and get pissed off.

Baba Ganoush said...

HL - It was actually in WI. Yeah, he actually got pissed off at me when I refused to get on the phone.

Beth - I'm just happy to still have my license and not to have made the evening news.