Monday, February 19, 2007

Oops, She Did It Again

Happy President's Day everyone! I hope you all are enjoying your day! I'm glad to have the day off and all, but I really have nothing to do. The contractors are here finishing their work, which means I can't really leave.

Normally, I'd enter a video game induced coma-like state and not leave the couch, but honestly, I feel a tad guilty sitting on my ass in front of them, while they slave away.

I can't even do what people do when they're home alone - strangers in the house and all. That is what people do when they're home alone, right? I mean doesn't everyone dance around the living room Tom Cruise style? Remember, I am NOT a Deviant!

Knowing her Daddy had an exciting day planned my daughter, who'll be 1 later this week, decided it was time to raise her temp to 101 degrees, and thus, be sent home from daycare.

*****Disclaimers for non-parents*****
1 - My wife had to work today.
2 - I was not about to keep both kids out of trouble all day with a house full of contractors by myself.
3 - Had I decided to have the kids stay home, we still would have paid for the day (don't get me started on that though!!!).

So, don't judge me biatches!

Anywho, I was running an errand for the contractors earlier. Yes, you heard that correctly. I, the person who is already being financially raped by these fine gentlemen, was running an errand for them.

I was approaching the sign to your right. I was in the left lane, while some old guy was in the right. He either A) did not see the sign, B) had no idea what the sign meant, or C) did not give 2 shits about the sign. For those of you that subscribe to B, it means that the right lane ends - please carefully merge to the left lane.

As we approached the "merge" point, it was clear this guy bought into the I'll just stay in my lane and things will work themselves out when it goes away philosophy. This usually works out okay, except when there are other cars next to you in the correct lane.

At this point, he had 2 choices:
1 - Put your blinker on, so someone will let you in.
2 - Speed up or slow down to either get in front of someone or behind them (please note - use of a blinker is still recommended for option #2).

This moron decides he's going to just continue in his present lane, at his current speed, and things should work out.

So, there's me - in the correct lane, and a decision to make. Being an excellent driver, I have already identified this guy as a risk. I know he isn't respecting the sign, nor does he plan to merge safely.

Now, I could be a nice guy and slow down so he can just meander into the correct lane when he has no other choice. While I am NOT a Deviant, I never said I was a nice guy. Especially to morons who get behind the wheel. When Mr. Oblivious realizes his lane is about to end I have already forced him into option #2 - he has to get behind me (most likely sans blinker, as he is stupid).

We are on the highway for a short time, and as I take my exit, Captain Dumbass gives me the finger. Pardon me for not paying proper respect to your stupidity! Ass.

It made me really reflect on one of life's most important Yin Yangs - the sharing of knowledge. We all have something we can learn from each other. We also have learning's we can teach to others.

In that spirit, I will share with you what I learned this weekend:

1) No matter how inviting a proposition, I will not be able to Flip That House!

2) TLC also taught me What Not to Wear.

3) Starting this Thursday - Baby Princess, needs to understand she will not be having a My Super Sweet 16! Seriously, what 16 year old needs a party costing over 6 figures, a new Porsche, and piles of other gifts? Well, I can tell you who doesn't - Baby Princess, that's who!!!

Now for my Yang, otherwise known as enlightening the stupid.

1) If just one person learns something about merging from my rant, I'll be a happy man.

2) If you're a female, and your friends tell you to shave your head, they are not your friends. While there are several good reasons for a woman not to have hair on her head, I'm confident Britney Spears does NOT meet any of that criteria. I've narrowed her most recent outrageous action down to a few different stimuli. Either A) she decided why have hair on my head, when I have none on my cooter, B) she is stupid, C) Anna Nicole's spirit has taken over her body, or D) both A and B.

This is NOT a good look!

I certainly hope she lets her hair grow back before she poses for Playboy, which is undoubtedly the next stop for Trainwreck Britney.

Have a great week everyone.

Baba Ganoush, OUT.


sAssY brOwn said...

One of mine also had a high fever last night & today of 40 C so i have had approx. 2.5 hours of sleep... i vote for all of the above re: Britney, poor girl and...
since i'm a chick, i actually had to skip the rant on merging. (:

Baba Ganoush said...

Sassy Brown - Mine is home again today with a fever.

We don't gender profile here - both male and female can benefit from learning how to merge correctly.

angry ballerina said...

God her ears are ugly.

Anonymous said...

I've never seen a once amazingly hot chick get so ugly so fast.

Baba Ganoush said...

AB - That's pretty cruel - she's not even 1 yet!

Ramzi - You must have never spent the night with a Tri-Delt in college. Makeup does wonders.

mindy said...

people who do not signal should be shot. thanks!
actually, i don't like guns, instead i propose that when you don't signal a surge of electicity will zap you rendering you unconscience. wait.. if they are driving that would be bad for everyone... so, let's just shoot them. :)

angry ballerina said...

Quit making googly lovey dovey eyes at Britney Spears!!!!

Baba Ganoush said...

Mindy - As soon as we have flying cars, the autopilot could take over and just transport them directly to the police station, where they could then be shot and/or shocked!

AB - Is that what we're calling him now? I was actually checking out the GF - NOT!

Malnurtured Snay said...

Britney has cajones for shaving her head! You go, bald girl!

Anonymous said...

Your daughter is adorable..

Excuse-me, are you trying to say that bald women are less beautiful?

Balds rule!

Beth said...

I think Brit Brit looks alot better with no hair, to be honest. But I am feeling really guilty talking about her. that girl needs some help...serious help.

excuse me while I put my blinker on and merge carefully into the other lane....;)

Jenny! said...

Your daughter is adorable...I loved all the drool! You were lucky to have the day off, these kinds of holidays are when I am most busy at work so I pulled an 11 hour shift and wanted to sleep all week. That is the first pic I have seen of Brit! That is so bad! Happy Birthday to your little one!

JLee said...

My daughter had a 101 temp Monday too! We watched "Zoolander". hehe

Britney has lost it.

Baba Ganoush said...

Snay - At first I thought she didn't look all that bad, but upon further review and in addition to her other questionable behavior, it's just another nail in the coffin.

Nancy - Bald does not work on Britney, but I know a certain Canadian who looks fabulous bald!

Beth - I heard that she did it because of her custody battle with K-Fed, who is claiming she was doing drugs. Now they can't test for it. Pretty smart, well, kinda.

Good work merging and mobile blogging at the same time. That takes talent.

JLee - Thanks for the birthday wishes. A little drool and a slightly runny nose are staples when Dad is in charge. I actually thought I had "cleaned" her up for the pic too.

JLee - Today is my daughter's first day back in a week. I stayed with her about half the time. It's been like a mini vacation.

Anonymous said...


Flattery will take you everywhere...

BTW your daughter was taking you for a ride..she doesn't look sick one bit..she actually looks EXTREMELY happy...she just wanted to spend the day with daddy... smart little cookie you have there.. imagine... smart and good looks.. ;-)

angry ballerina said...

Yes baba, his name is now B.S

Kristin said...


Fuckers. All of 'em.

Except any who may be reading this blog... they're fabulous. ;-)

Whatta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yasamin said...

3 things...

1. that guy had to hold on to his hatred of you long enough to wait for you to exit to flip you off?? what a bonehead.

2. britney spears has lost her mind and is in need of severe private mental help. she's not going to get it without heavy duty security and a shotgun.

3. i remember maybe a week or so ago.. you challenged me sir... well here it is... my wii friend code.

5891 8185 6769 9279

Oh it's on.. it's on like donkey kong!!!

SaM-GiRL said...

OMG Britney.....tsk tsk.

etain_lavena said...

I so learned my lesson!!!
Both A and B;)

Baba Ganoush said...

Nancy - Yeah, I thought it was a little fishy that as soon as it was too late to take her to daycare, she was laughing up a storm.

AB - It took me a full year to figure that out - I'm impressed!

Kristin - For the most part, I have been happy with my contractors. I'm really getting tired of pointing out all the little things that they missed.

I'm starting to think they are trying to cut corners.

Yasamin -

1. He just made me laugh, but if you're going to flip someone off, at least do it to their face.

2. I am amazed day after day just how stupid some people are. I wonder - if I had all that money would I be stupid too? Hmmm.....

3. Make sure the connection is good and fixed, because I don't want you using that as an excuse when you get lapped.

Sam-Girl - I am starting to just be embarrassed (1 "R" or 2 / 1 "S" or 2 - the more the merrier) for her!

Etain_Lavena - If just one person learns something here, I am a happy man. Remember - if you turn the wheel, you should use your blinker.

Safe travels. Safe travels.

Dan said...

Hi Baba, Sam, Mindy, Snay, Beth, Jenny, Jlee, Kristin, Etain!

Dude, we have the same friends. How cool is that?

My goodness, your daughter is cute. You're going to have your hands full when she's 16! ;)

Dan said...

Oops ... missed Sassy! Hi Sassy! :)

Baba Ganoush said...

Dan - We should start a little club.

Thanks - she just turned 1 yesterday.

I don't want my kids to be ugly, but I really don't need my little girl being homecoming queen, captain of the cheerleading team, and all that jazz.

I may just be that Dad who never lets her go out. Then she'll go to college - OMG.

I think I'm having a panic attack.

Yasamin said...

lmao! the connection is perfect. its all fixed and rarin to go. you gonna gimme your friend code? or do you fear the mighty yas and her invading mii's?

angry ballerina said...

Only a year? Wow. Your frikken dumb.

Dr. Stephanie said...

Ha! Your story about not wanting to play video games in front of the contractors makes me think about when I used to be a secretary. Our cleaning people would come in during the day, and I always used to feel so guilty for not helping them clean.

I, too, despise when people just assume I'll let them in with no work on their part. I'm a friendly driver, and I'll let just about anyone in, but they have to WORK with me, people! And it really burns me when they do not wave or otherwise acknowledge my role in allowing them to move into my lane. I'm feelin' ya!

Baba Ganoush said...

Yasamin - I have been traveling. I will send you the codes when I get back home later in the week. Practice Up!

AB - Had to make sure.

Doc Steph. - Yeah, just use your blinked and I'll let you in. Otherwise, you'll have to run into me to get in front of me.