Tuesday, February 13, 2007

You Had Me at Hogan

So, we've now entered the time of the year where I engage in my favorite past time. Here are the steps:

1) Attempt to find something to watch on the weekends.

2) Find nothing.

3) Try to justify spending over $200 per month on cable by saying, I would watch Aliens 3, Big Momma's House 2, or Dane Cook if I really wanted to.

4) Repeat steps 2 and 3 for hours on end.

Sunday was quite the day for me. It was my day to get up at the butt crack of dawn with the kids. 6 am comes pretty fast when you stay up until 1 am the night before enjoying the late night programming of Showtime and Cinemax.

So, after being up for just 3 hours, I was given the opportunity to go lay down. I proceeded to nap until 1 pm. Further proof that I'm actually 70 years old.

Upon arising from my geriatric slumber, I began, what I can only refer to as - a mini-love affair with VH1.

I started watching with just about 10 minutes left of The Surreal Life - Fame Games. Now 10 minutes is about all I can take of this show. Had there been 15 minutes left, I surely would have thrown in the towel, and went on to something else. But, 10 minutes was just enough to hold my attention, and transition me to Hogan Knows Best.

As a former Hulkamaniac, I have purposely NOT watched this show. I have seen bits and pieces here and there, but I have never watched a whole show. After putting myself through the shame of Flava Flav, I was not about to tarnish the 24 inch pythons.

I'm not sure if it was the promise of seeing some of the other old time WWF stars, or my desire not to admit defeat at the hands of Time Warner Cable, but I was full-blown glued to the TV for an hour. I must say, I was not embarrassed for The Hulkster at all. He seemed like a very laid back and easy going guy. His show was not at all over the top, and it actually made me see him in a whole new light.

I particularly admired the relationship he has with his son. I can't speak much of his relationship with his daughter (she was not in this episode that much), but he seems to genuinely be "friends" with his son, while still maintaining a high level of respect and authority with him.

I decided to take a VH1 break when they dropped The White Rapper Show on my ass. Come on, seriously? I did, however, decide to DVR the show when I noticed one of the best white rappers of all time, MC Serch, was one of the hosts. I knew I had to make up some time, when I saw I Love New York was on after this show, as I will never, and I mean never watch that show.

I was astray for about 2 hours, but VH1 completed me with Best Week Ever. I didn't realize how good laughing at the more fortunate could be.

Now, to the important stuff. I currently have 2 problems that I am dealing with.

First off, Lil' Dude seems to be developing a stuttering problem. It's only when he uses "I" to start a sentence, but I have counted, at times, at least 8 of them. It's always when he's excited, like - "I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I help Daddy with snow blower."

So, question for those of you out there with kids - Is this something that you've experienced, and if so, will it pass? Or, is this one of those things that people will talk about years from now, when they say, "just look how much he has overcome!"

Second problem - my mail carrier. With all the contractors here working on the house, our driveway has been pretty full. A few times, people have parked in front of the mailbox. One day last week, there was a car in front of the mailbox and it was pretty cold here. I kept watching, so I could meet her out there, so she wouldn't have to get out. When I saw her, I rushed out with no coat on. She had pulled past the car by our box to our neighbor's box. I asked her if she had anything for us, and she said yes. While she was handing it to me, I said to her that I wanted to meet you, so you didn't have to get out. She looked at me like, whatever, I wasn't going to get out anyway ass.

Well, yesterday I had to part my car in front of the mailbox. I was not able to watch for her, as I actually had to work. So, I was curious later in the day, if she had left the mail. That would be a negative. I don't know why, but this has my panties all in a bunch. Is it really that much to ask for Newman to get out of her little truck occasionally to deliver the mail? Is it?

I tried to look online to see if I was violating some mailman's code by parking in front of the box, but A) I couldn't find anything and B) I decided that I didn't care either way - I want my mail, even if it means she has to walk her lazy ass all the way up to my front door and hand it to me! I understand it may not be in your job description lady, but whatever happened to going to extra mile (in this case 5 feet) for the customer?

God only knows what would happen to this poor lady if I applied W.W.J.D?

So, there you have it. Gettin' jiggy wit VH1 one day, being stressed out by stuttering children and little miss, I have to be home by noon, mail carrier lady the next.

Baba Ganoush, OUT!


Beth said...

you know what I found out? the mail carrier doesn't HAVE to give you your mail,....they do it as a "courtesy"...you can always go to the post office and get your mail. I didn't know that! I thought they HAD to give you your mail...still. she's being a baby...just get out and put it in the damn mail box!!

I don't know much about stuttering...sorry!

Evil Spock said...

Um, dude, you do realize there's life outside of TV, right?

angry ballerina said...

And here I thought that the todays blog was dedicated to me....

Baba Ganoush said...

Beth - Half of me wants to go down to the post office and make a scene, but I remember what happened to Kramer when he wanted to stop getting mail.

I'll just keep my mouth shut and collect my 2 days worth a little later.

ES - I beg to differ my evil friend. At least not when it is 10 degrees outside.

karla said...

That mail whore needs to be taught a lesson. I say you move your mailbox back about 2 feet, so it's deeper into your yard, close to your house. Then regardless of whether anyone parks in front of it, she'll have to get out.

Eve said...

I don't personally have kids, but someone I know had a son who stuttered (no longer). Apparently his brain was working faster than he could express, and he got flustered by it (or something along those lines.) But you should ask the doctor. Dr. Google that is.

And can you imagine a more annoying job than delivering people's mail every day? Where do you think the expression "going postal" comes from? Leave a mousetrap in the mailbox tomorrow. That'll teach her. (Just kidding!)

JLee said...

Man, you're all over the map on this post, Baba! lol
I am a VH1 whore, I admit it. I love "Surreal Life Fame Games" and my husband sucked me into "White Rapper Show". I never thought I'd watch it, but I'll be damned if I didn't get interested. I have watched "Hogan" a few times, but kinda got bored with it eventually.

Jenny! said...

VH1 does have some quality programming!

HeatherLynn said...

Okay...well I don't have kids to help you out with the stuttering thing...BUT...the mail carrier thing...they are supposed to deliver through the sleet the snow, atomic bomb blasts and everything....I think this is exactly what's wrong with this country...I mean, what is the world coming to when the postman...the person you are supposed to be able to count on always drives by, mail in hand, and doesn't deliver.

I lose faith in the human race when I hear of people like this.

But then regain it when I see this little old 80-90 year old couple come into the office the other day...all razzin each other and cute as buttons in their little coats and matching hats....wish you could have seen them in all their elderly glory!


Webmiztris said...

I would watch Dane Cook 24/7 if he had enough material. :D

hmm, on the stuttering thing. It will probably pass. my nephew does that sometimes (he's 4) because he's so excited about what he's trying to get out...

Leezer said...

Baba behbeh:

First off, don't worry about L'il Dude. How old is he? My daughter is six, and all her friends stutter when they're trying to get a sentence out. It gets worse when they're concentrating really hard.

I am also a VH1 whore. I can quote many lines from "Behind the Music." I can't remember the first name of the guy who sits outside my office, but I can tell you all about Stevie Nicks' drug rehab. Go figure.

Baba Ganoush said...

AB - It was your love of VH1 programming that inspired me.

Karla - I like your style. That would surely teach her a lesson.

I'm sure her and her lazy co-workers would stage daily protests on my front lawn.

Thanks for stopping by.

Eve - You have a point. That's all I need - pyscho mail lady going all Hulk Hogan on my ass!

I think that's exactly it - he's not sure what to say next and instead of using a pause word, like ummm, he carries out the I.

Thanks for stopping by.

JLee - Despite the joy I had this past weekend, I am on a mission to find something else to watch this Sunday. I just bought The Departed, so maybe I'll give that a try.

Jenny - Dare I say, I would rather watch VH1 than MTV - man, I am getting old!

HL - I bet back in the day either one of that couple would have gladly got off their ass, out of the truck, and placed my mail in the box.

And to think, I gave that chick a christmas "bonus" last year!?!?!?

Miztris - Dane Cook gets a bad wrap. I watched his HBO standup the other day, and he really is pretty funny. You just have to get past the frat boy look he has going on.

Leezer - LD is 2 and a half. I think it should pass - I have been told to ignore it, but I can't help telling him to just calm down and use his words.

I bet a VH1 word association with that guy's name would work.

Thanks for stopping by.

Snowball432 said...

oufff VH! can get the best of you sometimes...but about the mailcarrier people are just getting lazier and more disatisfied with their jobs by tje minute so it's not you it's her...lol

Baba Ganoush said...

Snowball - Hmmm - If I leave her gifts in the mailbox, do you think she would do her job again?

angry ballerina said...

I am insulted that you would actually think I watch VH1. I watch E!. Get it right damnit.

Photogirl said...

Haha! Evil Spock is such a brat. He does make a good point though ;)

If the stuttering with your little guy has just started, it might be a good idea to see a pediatrician, its quite possible that it can be fixed before it even becomes an issue. Good luck! :)

Baba Ganoush said...

Photogirl - Nice to see you again. Let's keep in mind that without TV, we would not even have the concept of Evil Spock and/or The Needs of the Few. Viva la TV!!!

LD has a checkup coming, and we'll ask the pediatrician. I think he's just in a stage of learning more and more words, and sometimes he gets flustered when he doesn't know what word to use - or at least I hope that's it.

Just telling it like it is said...

I love Dane Cook...he's mmy new boyfriend even if he is not aware of it...
I also have a love affair with my TV

mindy said...

jaron started stuttering too recently. it's usually always at the beginning of a sentence.. like your son. i asked around and that normal. they just have so much in their heads that getting it out is tricky.
i love vh1! i'm with you on not watching i love ny... but, the best week ever is hilarious!! i love it. i still like watching videos. i'm really holding on to my youth!
and what a bitch the mail lady is. my mail box is on my porch. i'm with karla, move it back so she has to get out. ha!

Baba Ganoush said...

Telling It - I haven't watched much this week, so I have a lot of stuff saved on DVR. I may light a candle this weekend, put on something comfortable, and become one with my TV.

Mindy - I watch videos now and then. I have this OnDemand thing where I can pull up saved videos. I toss on a little 80s stuff now and then. My kids are too young to know Daddy's not cool - lol.

Maybe I will just go all Kramer on them and say I no longer want to receive mail.

mollymcmo said...

i like hogan's show. his daughter is an idiot. i don't know wether its cause she's a teenager, or just an idiot.


Anonymous said...

I LOVE VH1, E, and the Style Network. I could probably speak in depth of the death of Anna Nicole Smith and how empire waisted metallic mini dresses are such the rage...but for any real current event issues, I'm a loss for words.

So sad, I know. Damn you, Best Week Ever, The Soup, and I Love New York.

Thank God I am forced to learn something from my big brother's website like fornicating pandas, and other left wing stuff.


Dan said...

Dude! Get your ass off that couch and get some sunshine and fresh air. Sometimes the outside world is better than what's on the boob tube ... real boobs outside! :)

You're going to turn into a couch potato. Then someone will bake you, smother you with butter, and eat you.

angry ballerina said...

I agree with Dan.

sAssY brOwn said...

Quick comment b/c i'm on the run. One of my guys does that (stutters) when he's excited & frankly it did scare me a bit when it first started. He almost seems over it now though, just lasted a coupla months, now i miss it. I'm so sentimental sappy it kills me.

The Absent Minded Landlord said...

Good ol Hulkster. You missed out not seeing his daughter, at least for eye candy purposes.

Baba Ganoush said...

Molly - I will probably go with idiot!

Sissy - Yeah, he is quite the teacher - lol.

I haven't seen E! in awhile. I wonder if we even get it here.....hmmm.

Dan - Just for you and AB, I will make it a point to spend some time outside today on my day off.

AB - Ask, and thou shall receive.

Sassy B - If it is harmless, which it sounds like it is, I can see missing it. He is just soooo excited when he's stuttering.

It's hard not to get sappy with the little ones.

AML - They went on a little cruise. There were a few bikini scenes. Thank you DVR.

angry ballerina said...

Then where the hell is my frikken pony?!