Halloween Rules of Engagement
I have very fond memories of Halloween. Dressing up, trick or treating, being allowed to stay out a little later than I normally was allowed.
This is a FUN holiday. Traditionally a children's holiday, it has gained a lot of popularity with adults, which is great. Last night during Monday Night Football, the cheerleaders were dressed up. This morning before I went to work, the guys from Mike and Mike in the morning were dressed up.
Everyone dresses up. I embrace this.....So how could such a fun holiday piss me off? Lemme tell ya!!!
Here are some simple rules I would recommend when contemplating your trick or treating strategy:
- Please do not be the greedy kid that demands more candy, despite the fact that a line is now forming behind you. Take your 3 pieces (yep, I'm givin 3) and move to the side!
- Please do not come back to my house for seconds. Even if you think you have cleverly disgusted yourself with some minor costume adjustment. I would rather have you violate rule #1.
- I think trick or treating is a neighborhood activity. I have no problem with kids coming in from other neighborhoods, but don't be That Family that spends all night driving around to different neighborhoods. I saw this all too often when I lived in Wisconsin. Remember this is for fun! It is NOT a charity event.
- Children of all ages should participate in Halloween in some fashion, however, if your child is too young to eat candy - Do NOT be That Parent, who carries them around asking for candy for the baby. We both know the candy is for you. Let's just not go there.
- Please, I beg of you, do not be My-Baby-is-in-the-Car-This-Sack-is-for-her Lady. You are unacceptable, and should be prepared to present said baby upon request.
- I am not sure what the age cut-off for trick or treating should be. I am not even sure if there needs to be one. If you put some thought and effort into your costume, I can respect that and you are worthy of a Kit Kat. Just don't be Mr. I-Threw-On-a-Hat and am-a-Baseball-Player Guy. That's Busch League. At least go home, cut some holes in your mom's good sheets, and come as a ghost. At least I can respect the risk you took.
So, for those of you out there that are having trouble grasping this concept, here are a few visual aids.
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While I can respect a Matrix and a Sports reference, this will just not get it done. Please obtain the sheet that we talked about.
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While these might not be accepted by the masses in most neighborhoods, they meet my criteria, so jump in line, here comes your Milky Way, Milk Duds, and Jolly Rancher.
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How You Doin'? Anytime I can work in a Janelle Pierzina reference, it will be so. We love you Janie! If you come to my house dressed as a Naughty Maid, you will receive 4 pieces of candy.
If Janelle comes to my house, she will receive a special treat.....get your mind out of the gutter, remember, I am NOT a Deviant!
So there you have it. Have a Happy Halloween, and about all else, Have Fun!!!
Baba Ganoush, OUT!