Halloween Rules of Engagement
I have very fond memories of Halloween. Dressing up, trick or treating, being allowed to stay out a little later than I normally was allowed.
This is a FUN holiday. Traditionally a children's holiday, it has gained a lot of popularity with adults, which is great. Last night during Monday Night Football, the cheerleaders were dressed up. This morning before I went to work, the guys from Mike and Mike in the morning were dressed up.
Everyone dresses up. I embrace this.....So how could such a fun holiday piss me off? Lemme tell ya!!!
Here are some simple rules I would recommend when contemplating your trick or treating strategy:
- Please do not be the greedy kid that demands more candy, despite the fact that a line is now forming behind you. Take your 3 pieces (yep, I'm givin 3) and move to the side!
- Please do not come back to my house for seconds. Even if you think you have cleverly disgusted yourself with some minor costume adjustment. I would rather have you violate rule #1.
- I think trick or treating is a neighborhood activity. I have no problem with kids coming in from other neighborhoods, but don't be That Family that spends all night driving around to different neighborhoods. I saw this all too often when I lived in Wisconsin. Remember this is for fun! It is NOT a charity event.
- Children of all ages should participate in Halloween in some fashion, however, if your child is too young to eat candy - Do NOT be That Parent, who carries them around asking for candy for the baby. We both know the candy is for you. Let's just not go there.
- Please, I beg of you, do not be My-Baby-is-in-the-Car-This-Sack-is-for-her Lady. You are unacceptable, and should be prepared to present said baby upon request.
- I am not sure what the age cut-off for trick or treating should be. I am not even sure if there needs to be one. If you put some thought and effort into your costume, I can respect that and you are worthy of a Kit Kat. Just don't be Mr. I-Threw-On-a-Hat and am-a-Baseball-Player Guy. That's Busch League. At least go home, cut some holes in your mom's good sheets, and come as a ghost. At least I can respect the risk you took.
So, for those of you out there that are having trouble grasping this concept, here are a few visual aids.
While I can respect a Matrix and a Sports reference, this will just not get it done. Please obtain the sheet that we talked about.
While these might not be accepted by the masses in most neighborhoods, they meet my criteria, so jump in line, here comes your Milky Way, Milk Duds, and Jolly Rancher.
How You Doin'? Anytime I can work in a Janelle Pierzina reference, it will be so. We love you Janie! If you come to my house dressed as a Naughty Maid, you will receive 4 pieces of candy.
If Janelle comes to my house, she will receive a special treat.....get your mind out of the gutter, remember, I am NOT a Deviant!
So there you have it. Have a Happy Halloween, and about all else, Have Fun!!!
Baba Ganoush, OUT!